4-H for Next Wednesday's Speech

Next week is the Humorous Speech contest in ToastMasters (a public speaking group). Normally I duck my head at these things and try and get out of it when other people suggest me for it, but I was one of the first to sign up. When someone said, "Hey you should sign up" I just replied, "Already did." That alone shows how far I've come in TM - not just with public speaking but with putting myself out there in any fashion.

My Aunts are coming next Wednesday -they've never heard me give a speech before. More nervous about that than anything. And I'm going to try to bring props into it. Pray I don't fail. So here is my speech - I'm trying a new memorizing technique in which I try to focus on bullet points and follow along instead of trying to remember whole paragraphs so that this way my thoughts can flow smoothly along with what I'm saying and the likelihood of me forgetting something will be lessened:

  [   So you want to me a member of 4-H?

  [   Well then 6-12 year old, I have a tip to give you that all new and aspiring 4-H club members should know: Don’t join the Rabbit Group

  [   Now some of you are probably thinking like I did when I first joined:

o   I don’t want to do arts and crafts group –I can glue Popsicle sticks together on my own.

o    I want rabbit group –I don’t like chickens, horses are too big, and pigs are too messy – plus it’s the only way I can convince mom to let me get a pet bunny.

  [   Those are some good thoughts.

  [   But Let me tell you from experience some things you should know before you make the mistake of signing yourself up for rabbits.

  [   Issue #1 –Picking your bunny. That parts fun.

  [   I actually owned 3 bunnies throughout my rabbit -owning career in 4-H.

  [   The problem was only one of the three bunnies was actually nice.

o   My first bunny was Himalayan named Luna and I nicknamed her Lunatic because she was crazy.

o   My second bunny was also a Himalayan named Dos. He actually had a sister named Una. Dos passed away earlier this year. He was a sweetheart. But he got disqualified and couldn’t continue being shown in rabbit shows so we kept him as a pet.

o   That is why I got my 3^rd and final bunny named Pretty Baby. She was a Blue Silver Martin. She weighed about as much as a small puppy. She was jerk. I did not keep her as a pet.

  [   So I know picking bunny’s sounds fun, but you have to remember –You pick it, you’re stuck with it for a while. Choose wisely you must.

  [   Another issue is seeing just how many different breeds of rabbits there are.

o   I compare them to dogs. They have different breeds with different markings and different colors. Just look at the American Rabbit Breeder’s Association handbook.

o   Once you pick your breed, it’s like Pokémon –you have to keep track of all the stats associated with your breed :

o   We’re talking average size, specific markings, specific poses, any special treatment it might need… Some breeds are complicated.

o   You have to keep in mind this rabbit isn’t just to have as a pet –you’re going to be putting it at Rabbit Shows.

  [   This leads us to issue #2. Rabbit shows!

  [   Who here has ever heard of dog shows? They show it on animal planet –various people raise specific breeds of dogs on purpose to achieve the highest standard for that breed and compete to win against other dog breeders doing the same thing.

  [   Through 4-H I found out there is an underground cult of people doing the same for rabbits.

  [   This means when you pick a bunny –you can’t just choose one out of a pet store. You have to choose one from a professional rabbit breeder.

  [   You have to go out of your way to know ahead of time what breed you want so you can know what standard the rabbit in front of you has to meet so it can stand the best chance at winning at a show.

  [   This involves familiarizing yourself with the rabbits’ markings, various colors it can come in, and the type posing it will have to learn based on its body shape.

  [   For instance:

o   My sister Emily had a breed called Tans. Tans are colored in a Doberman-pincher kind of way with black fur on top and tan fur underneath. The way you pose a tan is by making it run back and forth on a table. The rabbit is judged by its gate. Tans are typically more high-strung, so you don’t have to do much in terms of working on their pose.

o   My other sister Sarah had 2 bunnies. The first was a Mini Rex –known for their velvet fur and unique Volkswagen-Bug like body shape Sarah appropriately named hers Bell. Bell was completely black until one stray white hair come up after a black hair had been pulled.

o   The funny thing about rabbits is, it doesn’t matter what color their fur is –brown, purple, rainbow –their hair always grows back white.

o   Sarah then had to get a new bunny, so she chose a Dutch rabbit she named buttons. Buttons was a jerk.

o   My rabbits were Himalayan –which were kind of marked like a reverse orca whale. Himalayans are known for their long bodies and are posed like rolling pins. And my second one was again a Silver Martin –which is an oversized Tan, only instead of having tan on its belly it has white. Silver Martins get posed roundly like Mini Rexes.

  [   And then there’s the shows. Once you’ve got your bunnies rehearsed and mentally prepped it’s time to compete.

  [   That’s right kids. Say goodbye to Saturday morning cartoons. You’re getting up 6am.

o   Grab whatever you can carry to keep yourself entertained for the next (Looks at invisible watch) 12 hours –that includes drawing papers, homework if you’re feeling inspired that day, a Gameboy if you’ve got one, books… yah that’s pretty much it.

  [   You have to be signed into the show by 8am. You get to the fairgrounds or wherever the rabbit show is at, walk in, and set up camp.

  [   The buildings rabbit shows are held in typically look like giant empty Costcos. Initially any way –it does get full pretty quickly.

  [   You have your bunnies in their carrying cages and you set them down and put your folding chairs around them as if you were going to roast marshmallows over your rabbits.

  [   Then it’s time to see which judge's table your rabbit’s breed will be shown at.

o   Unfortunately –the Netherland Dwarfs usually go first. It goes from the breeds with the highest number of participants to the less popular breeds. So, depending on your breed . . . you’ll probably be waiting around about (looks at imaginary watch) 3 hours.

  [   Then when you’re breed gets called you take your bunny out of its cage and bring it up to the judge's table and put it in the cage.

  [   Rabbits are judged by the standards of their breed as well as categorized by age –junior or senior, color –black, white, polka dot, brown, blue…, and by their gender -doe or buck.

  [   The way they are judged when they are taken out of their cage is this: They are posed, their ears are checked for mites, they are then picked up and turned over, their eyes are checked for spots, nose is checked for sniffles, teeth are checked for braces, feet are checked for sore hocks, belly is checked for lumps, tail is checked to make sure it isn’t broken, and the rabbit is then reposed and it is then judged on its body and markings.

  [   After all that gets done, which can take 30 minutes to an hour, you’re bunny places either first, second, or third.

  [   If there are 5 bunnies competing and your rabbit gets 1^st –you get what is called a “Leg”. It means you placed 1st out of 5. If your rabbit gets 3 legs, it becomes what is known as a grand champion. Like with horses, when one gets titled grand champions their offspring are then potentially worth more.

  [   I rarely won first -which was actually a good thing. When you win first for your breed, you then have to go into the Best of Show contest which takes place right before lunchtime. Netherland Dwarves always win. There’s an average of 40 Netherland Dwarves competing in their own Best of Breed category so you know the one that finally makes it to Best of Show has to be the best of the best. So don’t even bother because they always win.

  [   After the Netherland dwarf wins Best of Show A, then its lunchtime. A reprieve!

  [   But after lunch, Show B starts. And the whole process starts again. It usually ends at 3pm unless your sister Emily decides (Awards) to have the best rabbit in the Best of Breed category and she is then entered into the Best of Show B and you have to end up waiting around until (watch) 5pm after it’s announced that- go figure- the Netherland Dwarf has won.

  [   Then there’s issue #3 which is all the myths about rabbits you assume when you get them.

  [   Firstly, bunnies do not eat cabbage. Cabbage is very bad for bunnies. They can eat carrots, but in small amounts. Rabbits mostly need water, pellet food, and salt licks.

  [   Secondly, contrary to popular assumption, rabbits make sounds.

o   Sarah’s bunny Buttons made sounds most often. Sarah would open her cage and say, “Hi buttons” and buttons would slam her back feet down and huff and snort. Buttons was a jerk.

o   Bunnies can also make this weird screaming sound. When you get a new bunny it needs to be tattooed. Imagine being in a room with your black lab standing next to 5 other black labs. It gets challenging to tell them apart. So they ink the inside of the rabbits’ ear with an ear tag number so you can tell your bunny apart. For rabbits, its a couple seconds of freaking out like a girl getting her ear pierced and then they’re fine after that. 

  [   Thirdly is the assumption that rabbits breed like rabbits. People think they just pop out kits like it’s nothing.

  [   When we were in 4-H, my sister Emily decided to become a temporary professional rabbit breeder. She is currently studying to become a geneticist and her interest in that field of science first emerged when she had the opportunity to breed rabbits she felt would express the highest standard of traits in their offspring. She also just really wanted to have baby bunnies.

o   First thing you should know about breeding: The guy bunny goes to the girl’s bunny’s cage. If you take the girl over to the guys place, she’ll freak out and become very dominant and aggressive. It’s frightening. That’s why the guy bunny comes over to the girl bunny’s place with some flowers.

o   When 2 bunnies really love each other, and their owner wants them to breed, then certain activities occur when the guy bunny is visiting –usually within a 5 minute time frame- and then the guy bunny says, “Well thanks for having me over I had a really good time and now I’m going back to my cage.” It’s very romantic.

o   Then a month later –the stork drops off some babies. The babies are born in a nesting box –a wooden box with a bunch of soft tissues, cotton balls, and anything else you can find to put in there to make it fluffy. The mom bunny will also grow a dew lap –a pouch looking thing under her chin, and she will pull hair from that and other parts of her fur to add to the nest.

o   Usually there are about 8 bunnies born to begin with. But you’ll typically end up with only about 4. The mother bunny has a tendency to accidentally step on the newborns and sometimes the baby bunnies just don’t make it.

o   Baby bunnies look like baby puppies; only their little ears are longer. They grow pretty quickly and soon they're hopping around like Mexican jumping beans.

  [   It’s funny to watch bunnies learn how to climb stairs. They’ll try and conquer the first step like its Mount Kilimanjaro. Then they’ll weave from step to step. Then when they’re older they just bolt up them without blinking.

  [   It’s also funny to see them try to walk on tile. Remember that part in Bambi when Thumper tries to teach him how to figure skate. It’s kind of like that. Their legs keep spreading apart trying to stand still on the slippery surface.

  [   Now you’re probably thinking: Dang it, I really want a bunny. I should join rabbit group. It’s the only way I’ll convince mom to let me have one.

  [   Really 6-12 year olds? You’re not going to listen to me? None of this has made you think twice. Alright then. Fine. Have fun cleaning out the rabbit cages.