Sunday, July 12, 2015

Mom Update July 11th

Saw mom this past weekend, less awkward than it has been. Apparently she recently had to go to court with my step-dad Dean (who she formerly accused of being potentially abusive) and while at court said she was farrrr more frightened of the man going to court against them over a car dispute then Dean. Dean she's apparently just annoyed at and hateful towards now. 

She also told Dean while there that she's fixed up the house they both still own that he's not allowed to visit and it looks great. I walked into the house and decided... it was lightly cleaned up, but other than that no real changes like she had made it seem. 

Oh wells...

The Impractical Nature of Mansions

So you're a millionaire in Northern California and you're thinking, "Wow. I need a mansion. Some great place to live in my wealth and opulence." Well let me fill you in on some things before you call up your realtor... 

First off let's define the term "Mansion". If you watch a movie set back in the 15th century in England the definition of a Mansion might be a little different. No one has that much wealth anymore thanks to the "Middle Class" Mission of America, so the term mansion is applied to any housing structure set above and apart from the common housing structures of the majority. These houses often have multiple stories, balconies, swimming pools, great views, and are generally large in stature. 



Now because it "wouldn't suite" for a mansion to be placed among "commoners" and homes of lesser value, people in Northern California decided to place their homes On High in the convenient mountainscape that surrounds them. Trouble ensued shortly thereafter... 

Issue #1 In order to now reach your lovely home on a hill, you have to go up VERY steep, VERY narrow hills and lanes that wind SHARPLY. Invest in a nice car that can make 180 angled turns. 

Issue #2 Because the layout for hillscapes isn't as convenient and straight forward as flat-landed areas are, the juxtaposition of houses -including their driveways -can often collide and loom over one another. For instance, the driveway of one home (as seen below) will lead into the driveway of another home. Harmony among the layout of mansions isn't often found in any given mansion-community. Some homes will further disrupt forming a homogeneous trend by making their backyards into golf courses. 



Issue #3 Because the layouts weren't well planned out and people usually build mansions independently without consulting their neighbors on their housing plans, driveways themselves are often limited. You can have a 4 car garage, but only space enough for 3 guest's cars out front. This makes inviting larger groups of people (usually between 5 to 8 people minimum) kind of a challenge. And the irony is the houses are usually big enough to fit 60 people inside... 

Issue #4 On the plus side you do get GREAT views of the city below. It makes you feel powerful... like Simba looking overlooking his kingdom from Pride Rock. Unfortunately this great view does NOT come with much backyard space. You get MAYBE 10 feet of patio and 3 feet of grass patch. The surrounding area usually involves STEEP hills that tumble downward, fence lines plummet in areas you then have to avoid. 



Issue #5 You wouldn't initially think that a 4 car garage would be an issue. But if you only have 2 mediocre cars to fill it, then without the other cars you feel left out and incomplete. And so you buy a Lamborghini, and a Porsia, and Mercedes. Unfortunately since these cars are worth a lot and are expensive to maintain in the long-run, they often just take up space in your garage and you rarely ever drive them out. 


Issue #6 Your neighbors can easily spy on you. Up the hill there will inevitably be a neighbor that can easily look out and behold what's going on below him. It's cool when you're the one at the top, but since the hill keeps going up you are inevitably Spy Master and Spied On. 



Issue #7 Mansioned communities might seem like a wise alternative in comparison because at least you know the houses will be cohesive in external appearance and their might be more parking for guests you invite over. Unfortunately most of these communities pick land that is dune-esk in appearance. Yes its on mountainous hilltops, but it's the dry, hot, desert-scaped hilltops of California. Good luck going outside in the summer being that much closer to the emblazing sun...


 In conclusion... Rich people aren't as cool as they think they are. You're in CALIFORNIA. All it takes is one Earthquake... Hope you're home is insured...