Thursday, March 31, 2016

Judicial Rape

-A woman was raped in 2014 but her case was never taken into consideration by the New York Police Department. She now travels around regularly educating people to issues involving rape and rape culture. She has 60,000 followers on Instagram. 

-An 18 year old girl is gang raped by 5 men including her father in a public park. The judge says he acknowledges what happened but can't do anything about it do to a "lack of evidence". The 5 men go free. 

-A woman who was sexually abused by a man she works with for 10 years is contractually forced to continue working with him because the judge sides with paper documents over the life of a human being. 

-A man who is known to have raped over 30 women, many when they were under the age of 18, continues to go free today do to something called a "Statute of Limitations" -which is like an expiration date on rape. 

How the Judicial System Would Like Rape Victims to Handle Their Case: 

*All of this contingent on SURVIVING a Rape, because not all people do...

1. You must be an investigator to your own murder. 
2. Having been raped you must immediately go to the hospital so that DNA seamen samples can be taken in a rape kit to prove sex occured. Any other signs of injury must also be documented. Do NOT let the police throw away your rape kit.
3. You must then immediately give a statement to the police in detail of what happened/who committed the crime. 
4. It is strongly suggested you then see a therapist to further legitimize that you are suffering psychologically from signs of rape.
5. You should take a lie detector test to further legitimize your testimony. 
6. You should look for witnesses who may have seen the crime.
7. You must stand testimony in court and describe what happened in detail before a jury and a judge. 

The Reality of Rape:

How a person handles a rape as an individual is contingent on several things:

1. Who you were raped by
2. Your psychological state of being
3. Your understandings of rape and rape culture
4. Your support structure and external influencers 
5. Your instincts for safety
6. Age of the rape victim 

#1 Who you were raped by. 
If it's a stranger more people are likely to come forward. If it was someone you were in a relationship with, it is less likely. If it was a relative it is even MORE unlikely. If it was a police officer or other authority figure in power, most wouldn't even bother. 

#2 Your psychological state will mandate how you persevere or don't persevere after the fact. 
There was a 15 year old girl who slept with her boyfriend of the same age. She committed suicide just before her 16th birthday because she felt she was a sin and had "dirtied" her existence. It was not rape. I know someone who has clinical depression and has contemplated suicide since elementary school. She did not commit suicide after being raped repeatedly by her boyfriend -although she did seriously contemplate it. 

You cannot guess how a person will handle being raped. How they will react or what they will do. 

#3 Your understanding of rape and rape culture. 
Some girls/women after being raped don't want to come forward because they feel guilt, blame, or shame is upon them. This is largely do to society's handling of victims -with questions of suspicion rather than statements of support. Rape victims also aren't stupid. They know that just because they go forward with opening up about a rape, doesn't mean justice will prevail for them. 

#4 Your support structure and external influencers.
After being raped, a person might first want to confide in someone they trust because they might not know how to handle the situation. If there isn't a family member, friend, or authority figure they can trust they might not confide in anyone and just keep the event a secret. On the other hand if they confide in the wrong person and that person tells them to just keep quiet, they might then follow that persons "advice". 

#5 Your instincts for safety. 
I know a girl who was raped and then threatened repeatedly online by her rapist. He said if she got a boyfriend or told anyone what happened that things could "happen again". Many people out of fear of re-occurrence might not come forward. Then there are other circumstances involving feeling safe. For example, if a person is raped by a police officer they might also not feel safe confiding in a police officers at a department. 

#6 The age you were raped. 
Age is probably one of the more significant factors in whether or not a person comes forward. Especially in the case of pedophilia, it can take a child years o even decades to come forward -which is why a statue of limitations on pedophilia can become very convenient for pedophiles. Someone could prey on many children for years never being held accountable. 

(Statue of Limitations for raping a child was 3 years in this case...)

There's also the state of your being when you're a kid. Here's how I would have handled being raped throughout my own years: 

-Age 8 and below:
I wouldn't have known what sex or rape were. I probably wouldn't have told anyone for at lest a decade. I don't think I would have committed suicide, but the psychological damage would have been devastating to my personhood. 

-Age 9 through 12: 
I read the definition of the word rape in the dictionary when I was 9 years old. So at least at that age I had heard of the concept. I STILL wouldn't have known how to handle it. I might have confided in my step-sister who was a month older than me, but who knows how she would have handled it being the same age. 

-Age 13 through 18: 
As a teenager, already struggling with depression and contemplating suicide at 14, I might have ended my life. People I could have confided in at that time include my step-sister and my mom. I wouldn't have felt comfortable opening up to my friends about it. It STILL would not have occurred to me on my own to go to the police. 

-Age 19 through 25: 
It doesn't seem like you're "as young" when you're in your early 20's, but in a lot of ways you still are. I STILL wouldn't know exactly what to do. I would have had more people to confide in at that time. Sisters, step-mom, mom, therapist, friends... But it probably would have taken me a while to come forward. 

-Age 26 to Now:
Over the past couple years I've become more informed about rape in general. That is partially do to the discovery that 4 of my relatives and 3 of my friends have been victims of rape. It's also do to a change in the world pushing for greater understanding and compassionate aid for those who have been victims of rape. Now if I was attacked I would push myself to go, with a friend, to the hospital and police station. Even then after months or years of trial my attacker could still end up going free. 

The good part of today's world is more women are encouraged to come forward with past abuses and are often shown great support for those efforts. The sad part of today's world is rapists and pedophiles often go free and continue to destroy and prey upon those around them. 

The problem with the "Justice" System is that they only care about following mandated procedures. NOT holding a criminal accountable. NOT preventing future crimes from occurring. NOT seeing justice for the victim. Case in point: 

-Step-father rapes his 15 year old step-daughter. 
-He maintains his innocence and says nothing happened until the DNA comes back positive. 
-He is sentenced to Only 9 months in jail.
-The court did NOT notify his previous wife of his conviction so he still has access to their children. 
-He is now registered as a sex offender. 
-That's it.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Part 3: Growing Up a Girl: Virginity

Virginity and Sexuality: 

-Age 10: I want to watch the movie Titanic. My mom comes in and fast-forwards through the naked scene and sex scene. 

-Age 12: I'm at a babysitters house and I want to watch the movie Titanic. She lets me watch the Whole movie and tells me, "Nudity isn't bad. It's a natural part of being human." 

-Age 12: I'm watching the Disney movie Hocus Pocus and the main character keeps mentioning he's a "virgin that lit the candle" -which ended up bringing back the witches. I ask my dad what a "virgin" is and he tells me point-blank it's a person who has not had sex. I am astonished in that moment because although I'd heard of the word "sex" before, it was always understood as something you NEVER mention or speak of. 

-Age 13: I want to watch the movie "Spice World" starring the Spice Girls because I like they're music and they seem really fun. Mom says no, they are too "slutty". I go to dad's house. He buys the film and watches it with me. The movie is hilarious and fun. I don't think they're sluts. Maybe Posh Spice... but not the other ones. 

-Age 13: My mom sits my down to read a book. It's a book about getting your period and sexual reproduction. I notice she only tells me about the period portion of things. Sex is still a mystery. I ask my step-sister who'd a month older than me if she knows what sex is. She tells me it's the same as when one dog humps another. This does not help me... 

-Age 14: I go to my first semester of Health Class. Our schools then switches the Health Class with the Computer Class. My portion of the Health Class first semester covered the first portion of the book. This included healthy eating, suicide, and STDs -but NOT sex itself in any capacity. I find out the second semester students get the sex-ed talk. 

-Age 15: I sit on the floor of my room a sophomore in high school. I ask myself, "Should I have had sex by now?" I decide, NO. 15 is still a little too young. 16 on the other hand, seems to be the understood "beginning" of sexual times for girls. 

-Age 16: Again I sit on the floor of my room, a year later. "Should I have had sex by now?" I still feel like I'm a bit young, and then I remember that song I heard on the radio: Strawberry wine, 17, the hot July moon saw everything... It was a song about a girl losing her virginity at 17, so I decide that 17 for SURE is the time you're supposed to lose it. 

-Age 17: I make up the excuse of not having a boyfriend for my current state of virginity. I decide it's best not to tell anyone I'm a virgin and let people come to their own conclusions since admitting virginity "isn't cool"...

-Age 18: Well crap, I definitely should have had sex by now. What am I doing with my life??? Will I ever have sex? I'm a walking embarrassment. I will tell no one. 

-Age 19: I see a post on A girl has confessed to be a virgin at the age of 27. I admire her courage for anonymously coming forward. I worry about my condition. I'm a 19 year old college girl. I'm supposed to have had sex by now. And then the question comes to me: Do I WANT sex? 

It had never occurred to me before to ask that. I had only ever focused on the social implications of being a virgin. At that point in time I STILL hadn't had any legitimate form of sex education. I knew sex involved a condom and maybe birth control pills, but sex ITSELF as an act was still something of a mystery. I had no idea what a penis looked like. 

So I asked myself in this state of unknowing ignorance, "Is it o.k. for me to continue being a virgin? Can I live with that?" I worried that one day it would be like that 40 Year Old Virgin movie I had heard of where my friends would make fun of me and I'd regret having never had sex. But I decided if I ever wanted to "undo" being a virgin I would just go to the nearest bar, walk in, and ask someone to take me home with them. It didn't seem like in our society a girl would have trouble having sex if she really wanted it. 

So I decided to make peace with my virginity and accept that it wasn't something I condemned or thought of as bad -only the world around me seemed to. 

-Age19: I get my first boyfriend. Within the first month I decide that at some point we will sleep together. I consider it an inevitability. I don't dread or look forward to it, just accept it. I decide that if my boyfriend wants to have sex I will "go along" with it. Otherwise he might dump me. My boyfriend is a virgin who wants to take it slow and by some miracle the relationship ends 3 months later with both our virginitys in tact. I am grateful the relationship is over and even more grateful we did NOT have sex. I realize it would have complicated things and made the relationship that much harder to end. 

-Age 24: I've been single for 5 years. 5 good years. I've enjoyed being single and have had no romantic prospects. I don't care much about lust and STILL don't entirely know what the act of sex consists of. I don't really care. 

I start hanging out with Tim. He is flirtatious towards me and I want to flirt back because I like him but don't because I'm afraid he will think my flirtation is an open invitation to pursue not just a romantic relationship, but a PHYSICAL one. I am NOT ready for sex and don't want it. I realize Tim is sexually active and would Expect sex in a relationship. 

I admit to Tim I like him. He says he wants to stay just friends. I fear I'm too "matronly" for him, but am grateful again no sex or love ensued. I continue on in my life a virgin. 

-Age 25: I discover porn for the first time. While on an art site called, I realize the art site has deemed porn an "art form". I see gifs and images every once in a while of sexual acts. Alone in my apartment with no one to judge, I decide to explore porn for the first time in my life. It turns out to feel more like watching National Geographic. I see people having sex with one another, but it feels "arranged", "fake", and "exaggerated". I am not aroused or interested. There is no reality, or depth, or meaning, or truth, or love to these scenes. Only a sexual act indifferently played out between two consenting porn stars. 

I think, "Maybe there's something wrong with me." I never lusted much. Maybe 2 or 3 times a year. Meaning 2 or 3 brief instances out of an entire year. When I masturbated sometimes it was mostly out of boredom or to distract from stress. Never for lust itself. And when I went on my Social Anxiety medication I was actually happy one of the side effects was decreased sex drive. I felt lust was an annoying distraction. 

Then while wondering on one day, the humanitarian girl I followed started posting about the Gay community. It was then that I first heard of Asexuality. When I read it I thought, "Oh my god, I think this is me..." But wasn't entirely certain. I kind of wanted to pretend it was an option instead of a reality. 

Asexuality comes in varying forms. Some people are more like Abstainers. They acknowledge they are physically capable of lust, but don't want sex and are Not sexually aroused by people, images, videos...etc. Others aren't sexually OR romantically attracted to people at all and just want to live a life completely single. 

Being on more of the Abstainer portion of the spectrum, I initially thought maybe it's just an IDEAL I want to live up to and not a reality. But the more honest I was with myself the more I came to the conclusion: I am NOT sexually attracted to people. I am physically attracted to beauty and spiritually drawn to the souls of people, but not bodies. I do not want heterosexual sex at all. At any point. Even "after marriage". 

For so much sex being imposed upon a person through the media and so much sheltering and prude/slut shaming on the part of those around you no human being, or girl in particular, can expect to come out of it entirely intact without any psychological  repercussions and negative tendencies. But at some point you DO wake up to the reality of your own existence distinct from the world's preferences and realize in spite of everyone's best efforts at the end of the day you are just YOU. 

Part 2: Growing Up a Girl: Clothing Styles

Are we a bi-product of the world? No, but we are certainly influenced by it. 

Clothing Styles:

-Age 7 years old: I wear an undershirt beneath my shirt to school because I was told to always wear one under. No idea what it's for, but it's a hot day and my shirt is making me sweat so I take it off and wear only my undershirt -which is a plain "wife beater" shirt with blue stars on it. My grandma comes to pick me up after school and she is furious with me. "You better never let me catch you wearing only your undershirt in public again..." I still don't understand why it's a bad thing. 

-Age 9+ in Elementary School: The dress code mandates you are NOT allowed to wear shirts with straps less than an inch thick. No "spaghetti straps" allowed. If shorts are to be warn they must be longer than the length of your fingertips pressed long against the sides of your legs as you stand straight. 

-Age 9: I wear a skort (skirt and shorts). The problem with skorts is the same problem with skirts: When you sit down they spread wide and you run the risk of your underwear being exposed. No more skorts. 

-Age 10: I wear glasses and get good grades. I'm a NERD. I try not getting good grades for 2 weeks hoping this will make me more popular. It doesn't. I accept my fate and decide that I would rather be a smart nerd than "useless" nerd who isn't smart. 

-Age 7 through 11: I like wearing sun dresses occasionally. People say I look adorable, but I mostly just like spinning around in a circle and seeing the fabric flow. 

-Age 11: Girls are constantly spreading rooms about who's stuffing their bra. One girl is reported to go far out into the field during recess and tees boys by lifting up her shirt just below her bra line. She is called a slut. I decide I do not want to get boys attention that way, since I'm not comfortable with that specific kind of "attention". I'll just wait for someone who likes me for me as is. 

-Age 11: I try wearing new capri pants to cool because my mom said they were "in". Nobody notices or cares. What I wear doesn't seem to amount to much in my world. 

-Age 12: I understand being "pale" skinned is bad. Being TAN is good. I try tanning, but it doesn't seem to work. You need to commit to it, every day, and I don't. I also decide to stop swimming. I am no longer comfortable wearing a bathing suite since I don't think I look good in it. 

-Age 12: I start middle school. I wear a brand new dress that I love to my first day. 5 minutes on campus a kid comes up to me and says quite seriously, "We don't wear dresses here." I learn it's a fashion faux pas among the student culture to wear dresses. I stop wearing them altogether. 

-Age 12 through 18: I learn that if you can see a girls bra, she's a slut trying to get attention through sexuality. This is especially true for girls wearing a white shirt and a black bra, or bra of another color. I stop wearing white shirts altogether. 

-Age 13: I don't wear shirt that have a v-neck or anything below my color bone. I don't want any skin showing because that might give off the "wrong impression". 

-Age 14 through 18: I learn wearing tight shirts accentuates your breasts in appearance. I start wearing size Large shirts even though I'm somewhere between a size small and a size medium. I don't want any shirt that "clings" too closely to my body. 

-Age 17: My mom takes me shopping and I learn cami tops are in. They are "spaghetti strap" shirts you can then wear under a variety of blouses and jacket tops. I get them, thinking I will look cool, but never end up wearing them because I'm paranoid they're too low cut and will give off the wrong impression.  

-Age 19: I get my first boyfriend. Although I feel shamed by it, and am not proud of it, I briefly start wearing low-cut shirts to keep his attention for fear he will lose interest in me. He doesn't seem to notice or care. I am relieved -but also worried he might not be attracted to me, and I go back to wearing regular shirts. 

-Age 22 through Present: Thanks to a combination of "letting go" mentally thanks to Buddhism and efforts made to help overcome my Social Anxiety Disorder, I am officially comfortable wearing cami tops and continue to do so from this point on. I no longer feel paranoid about next to anything I wear. But I STILL refuse to wear shorts because given my height they will look "too short" and I am still pale, so they aren't "tan enough". 

Part 1: LGTQ...A

So on March 22nd and 23rd was kind of upset about the lack of spiritual support for members of the gay community. I got the image of the Cross and the words "Unity" -which was God's way of showing up with His solidarity and compassionate love. But was still kind of bothered, not just about gays + religion, but also about Asexuality. I had wanted to bring it up in the blog I wrote that day, but didn't because Asexuality seems to be of little to no relevance to the LGTQ+ community and just about every other community. It's an orientation all its own with its own unique issues. 

So not only was I feeling a little left out spiritually by the world, (God and Heaven excluded since they show up everyday for me), but I was also feeling left out of the LGTQ+ community as an Asexual person. They never get mentioned. As if they don't exist. 

I asked myself which is worse: To be in a gay relationship people don't approve of and try to demean, or to be in a relationship no one deems legitimate or real in the first place because it doesn't involve sex?

Anyways, was feeling a little low because of it all, but then God came through again -this time specifically with messages towards my Asexuality. I found the following over the course of about 5 minutes while strolling through the internet. Stuff kept popping up kind of beyond "coincidentally".  

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Visions and Easter Sunday

I've fallen WAYYY behind on my blogs. I have 3 significant blogs that need to be written all dealing with varying aspects of sexuality -which would be the "Theme" of this week if I gave sermons. 

So I'll try to preface those blogs with this Easter Sunday blog. For me Easter Sunday actually began last night on Saturday when 3 visions came to me vividly. 

The first was an image of the Goddess Isis (an angel from ancient Egypt) comforting a sorrowful man. The image appeared to me as the images within pyramid walls do: 2-dimensional and profiled. The image was given as a reminder that even in cultures and religions that seem separate from Christian beliefs, there is found a common thread of shared spiritual understanding. 

The second image was of a bright Sun hovering over a VAST sea of clouds. This image was of the Sun of Heaven -a reminder that just as it is in Heaven so is it on Earth that One Sun hovers above all. 

The third image came to me but I did not draw it initially. The words "King of Love" and the image of a Crown over a Heart were shown as being representative of JESUS. I had never thought of Jesus as the King of Love and didn't necessarily resonate with that term. So I decided to ignore it. 

Then at church today, during the singing portion, there was a band playing a song with the lyrics popping up on a screen in front of everyone. The lyrics of one of the songs was "King of Love" in reference to Jesus. For me that was the Ah-ha! moment and I decided I needed to draw the image down and note it. I went from having never heard that term before to hearing it twice ina  24 hour times span. 

The rest of church went well. The pastor spoke of God's unconditional love with emphasis on His indiscriminate, total, absolute, unfailing LOVE. That it is given to ALL -regardless their past sins or the severity of past pains inflicted. 

I was listening in particular for any cluing to homosexuality. For me, I don't want to be in a church that pursues hatred of those people. Instead this pastor spoke of pedophiles and rapists and how compassion was extended even to them. So this was a good church of true understanding of the meaning of Mercy and Grace. 

These were the words and drawings made by me on the back of the paper pamphlet they gave: 

Thursday, March 24, 2016

More Visions (cont.)

March 23rd while relaxing:

I didn't initially understand the image entirely other than it was a bird with a heart on its chest etched out pretty plainly. For me it reminded me of an Eagle, so I initially thought Freedom. Then I got the understanding it was the Holy Spirit expressing LOVE. 

This is kind of interesting to me because I usually affiliate the Holy Spirit with PEACE, Protection, and Guidance. And yet over and over again I'm reminded of its Caring and Compassionate Love towards people and circumstances. 

It's good to know when I'm not being mindful or aware of things, Heaven will remind me. 

Then this image came to me as I continued thinking to myself: 

Basically I've noticed the evolution of thoughts that come to me and how they continue to blossom the longer they are pondered. 

1. At first I will have an immediate reaction to some upsetting news in the media. 

2. Then upon being upset by the bad news I'll worry that it won't be addressed. 

3. My concerns will almost immediately turn to the larger implications and systemic issues in our society and our world and I'll start to feel overwhelmed by it all. 

4. Then I'll remember God and the hand He has to play in this reality and the way He always leads people out of the darkness to light and some greater understanding will follow this that will be a gold nugget of wisdom and a great lesson to hold onto. 

This is the Ripple Effect of my mind as it blossoms from immediate concern to divine understanding and peace. 

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Recent Visions

Was still upset about the whole "Christian High School Education Organization" being against gay people. As I lay in bed I bothered me more because I realized they had influence over the lives of Teens in particular, especially those going to Christian schools, and inevitably their negative influence on religious principles related to homosexuality might likely lead to a teen feeling ostracized and committing suicide. 

When human lives are left in the influential hands who don't care for them, death usually follows. And I tried to hand this issue over to God as I'm meant to do, so I asked God to reach those who claimed to follow Him to greater understanding and compassion. And I prayed for God to watch over the souls of all members of the LGTQ+ community that they would know their own inherent worth and the desired relationship God always seeks to maintain with them. 

Then this image came to me and the word UNITY. 

I saw it vividly and immediately knew it was something I should draw and make note of. 

After my mind had inevitably wandered off and thought to itself for a while another image came to me randomly out of the blue. The COLORS of this image were vivid and very celestial. 

The image was primarily Golden, but there were orbs along the tethered line that were of all colors (blue, red, green, orange, purple...) creating a rainbowed appearance all together. It immediately reminded me of the Chakras and I realized this image was the Golden Bond between Heaven and Earth. The spiritual thread linking the two worlds. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Spiritual Career

These words don't initially seem conflicting: Spiritual and Career. And yet they ARE. 

Went to apply as a graphic designer today for a position at a Christian Education Group. Was doing great fill out out the 4 page online application until I came to a disclaimer.

You are RECQUIRED to acknowledge the spiritual belief in the following: 

#1 There is only one God. Ok sounds good, I agree. 

#2 Jesus was God enfleshed, died, was resurrected, and is the Savior of mankind. Yup still good. 

#3 All people can be saved from sin through the grace of Jesus' sacrifice. Have some differing opinions and revelations on the concept of "sin" but for the overall purpose of this survey, sure I agree. 

#4 ALL employees must adhere to moral conduct excluding immoral sexual behaviors including Homosexuality, Transgender Appearance and Behavior, Non-conformance to traditional roles of male/female behavior... 

So basically you can be involved in the church and receive God's grace as all humans are able unless your a member of the LGTQ+ community -in which case, you're screwed. 

I was very disheartened that even by supporting Gay Rights and respecting the ensouled free will and autonomy of gay people, I would be excluded from this position. 

And for gay people to be singled out that much. No other groups were mentioned. Not Racists. Not Sexists. Not... just Gays. 

It is my belief above all others that God loves His creations infinitely more than they tend to extend love to one another here on earth. Though we may stand eye to eye, soul to soul, hand in hand -humankind has less tangible love extended through compassionate understanding than a deity who has spent thousands of years Physically unable to reach humanity on this planet. So much is the love of God that he would suffer one of the gravest deaths just to get the message of that love to ALL -indiscriminately, non-judgmentally, inclusively, embracingly, unifyingly, with no barrier or exceptions. 

I pity the weakness of men's souls as they are often found in religion. That they may hold in their hands the written words of wisdom but time and time again FAIL to either genuinely comprehend or uphold those values in their own lives even though they hypocritically claim to. 

Monday, March 21, 2016

Formal v. Informal Funerals

This seems like kind of a trivial issue given World issues, and yet it's becoming more of an adverse concern to some people than expected. 

In the past it has been regimented tradition with the risk of ostracism for people to attend funerals wearing only black. (Let's bear in mind this tradition does not include MANY cultures and people in American that have differing customs and dress attire to their funerals).

But in today's modern world it seems a challenge to get teens to wear just about anything outside of jeans and "leggings". And so in our more lax, casual, younger generation it is becoming a new tradition to wear whatever you want to a funeral -and not even anything pertaining to the color Black. 

Older generations are horrified by this because they see it as a sign of disrespect. But in my opinion, the main focus of the funeral should be GRIEVING the loss of a loved and paying RESPECTS to their memory. Dress attire and snobbing someone for what they're wearing seems a deep VANITY in comparison.

For instance, if a grieving widow who just lost her husband of 10 years to cancer wants to wear jeans and a sweat shirt to his funeral, are YOU going to be the one who goes up to her and complains? 

Sometimes humanity loses sight of its own humanity when procedures, traditions, expectations, and regimented beliefs come to play. 

This is why no one likes the U.S. Post Office by the way. 20 people in line ahead of you, only 1 teller, only a 25 minute parking spot before you get a $50 fine, and no hope in site. 

Sunday, March 20, 2016

My Artistic Approach

When faced with a new medium there tends to be a pattern I follow with my artistic instincts. It was kind of manifested today so I thought I'd share. Today's art project was Painting Snow. 

Step 1. You don't know the medium, so try using pre-established methods and templates to get familiar with it. (I used a star stencil).

Step 2. Experiment within the medium with pre-established methods to get more familiar with its nature. 

Step 3. Attempt to use a new method in similar ways that are not outside of the realm of commonality with the medium. 

Step 4. Begin to branch out and do your own thing, even if it doesn't start out as seeming that original in thought. 

Step 5. Having officially come to understand the medium you are working in, officially go off and do your own thing. 

Unspoken Republican Irony

I was open-minded in the beginning and was hopeful that there might actually be a legitimate Republican candidate this year that people could turn to. I want a great LEADER to be president, regardless of party affiliation. Once you reach the White House you aren't a democrat or a republican -you're the President. The primary goal of the president being to UNIFY our country and maintain PEACE. 

But these aren't the principals that are the greatest irony to the Trump campaign. I find it strange that the Republican base would utterly ignore some well know statistics with regard to its own demographics. Traditionally speaking Black people and Hispanic people tend to vote REPUBLICAN. So alienating members of those races in particular is self-defeating. 

More to the point, if one of the many traditionally Republican leaning African Americans in this country were to try to go to a Trump rally since he is currently leading the race, that individual would stand to face a great deal of harsh treatment just by being present. The risks of undoubtedly being assumed to be a representative member of #BlackLivesMatter or just the general racism oriented towards black people from the present White Supremacists who make it no secret that they support Trump are alarming issues themselves. 

If racists or people against #BlackLivesMatter didn't want you to be there you would almost automatically be kicked out -let alone harassed or beaten. The same would occur to Hispanics or people of next to any other race for that matter. 

So Trump may have a decently sized following right now, but he leaves people of every other race no option than to abandon their previously held political party and vote for a Democrat -or not vote at all. 

Which leads to this strange slide of understanding. If you WERE a Republican and are NOW voting for a Democrat, which would you most likely choose? The woman who has upheld Republican tendencies until recently or the die-hard Democrat who's always upheld democratic principles? I would bet upwards of 80% of all former Republicans forced to abandon their party do to the Trump-factor would most likely vote for Hillary do to her past policies. 

Which is ironic considering how many Republicans in general HATE her. But when it comes to POLICY she is the more Republican of the 2 presidential candidates for Democrat. 

Friday, March 18, 2016

Getting Clearer on Career

Went to a job seeker's club today and filled out 3 forms on what my greatest skills and desired contributions for a job are. 

I've filled out many of these and now myself very well so it was easy to figure out. 

The interesting part came in the end when I had several emerging skill sets and attributes and I needed to choose among them to find the top 3 or so. 

What I realized is that my "skills" hail in 4 categories: 

#1 Analytical information, research, data gathering, observation, evaluation

#2 Artistic, creative, visionary, imaginative, innovative, intuitive 

#3 Caring, connection, contribution, informing, enlightening, helping 

#4 Honest, truth seeking, good listening, understanding, insightful, desiring meaningful things 

Category #1 is my least favorite. I hate the mentally-oriented side of my brain that's like a computer machine. But doing research and analysis helps me achieve the implementation of my Visions and Understandings. 

Category #1 is my Mind seeking to fullfil Category #2 and #4
Category #2 is my Mind and Soul seeking Creative Expression
Category #3 is my Heart seeking Connection 
Category #4 is my Soul seeking Truth 

All in all my Mission Statement then becomes:

"I want to take my Creative Talents and Analytical Abilities -in Unity with God and Heaven -to Contribute Meaningful work that Enlightens and brings Grace to the World." 

I also decided that I desire to plug into a pre-existing company and position that matches this Mission as well as creating new ventures of my own to further this cause. 

It all feels like I've more or less been shooting for this for a while now. I'm waiting for Earth to fall into alignment that I may be paired through God's efforts. I feel like this is my "Angel Card" to Heaven -a guiding request being made. 

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Angel Cards #6

Been so busy running around, job searching, reuniting with PHB again... Haven't done much of the cards myself or tracked the messages -although I did get 2 more sets of cards (one with Saints and Spiritual Figures and the other with Totem Animals). 

The weather has been changing a lot so the theme of this past week was, "Holy crap these allergies are insane and I feel extremely tired and fatigued." The Angel Cards tended to match. 

Doreen, March 8th: Nature itself is going through a big, spiritual shift right now.

Me, March 8th: When I got this card I knew things were going to be ok no matter how they turned out so I should stop worrying. The card of the Angel holding the white Dove actually reminded me of the image I created for that Christian book not that long ago.

Doreen, March 9th: On this night my soul rose to Heaven -which souls are capable of doing with the Holy Spirit so long as your own Holy Spirit can "hold down the fort" inside you. It felt like a breakthrough night. The card Doreen drew illustrated exactly how I felt. 

Doreen, March 10th: The morning after the cards drawn seemed to echo the events of the previous night. 

Me, March 10th: Card I drew basically saying, don't neglect your book projects -they will SUCCEED.

Doreen March 11th, 12th, 13th, and 14th: Again it was the message of take care of your stress level and your Body/Health. 

Me, March 13th: I went with my step-mom to Boulder, CO to shop for a belated birthday present for me. Loved the artwork there and the spiritual shops. Got a new deck of cards there and this was the first one I pulled: 

Doreen, March 16th: Been having self-doubt issues and wanting to settle for a plug-in job that will make me good money but allows for very little creativity and self expression. Money v. Passion when I want it to be both. 

Doreen, March 17th: More encouragement towards books being written and creative projects pursued. 

Re: Last Post

The night i posted the last blog saying that I was 2 and a half/3rds Christians because I don't regularly go to church anymore and I don't read from the Bible as often as I used to I got this message from above:

You PRAY. Prayer is essential to be a Christian or following just about any other faith. Direct communication with God and Heaven is everything. 

And I seek connection through meditation DAILY -10 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at night. Sometimes more. 

Another significant understanding came to me as I was lying in bed thinking. As my thoughts wondered I remembered seeing a National Geographic episode on tv where basically if a new male lion casts out a former one in a pride he will then proceed to KILL all baby lions previously sired by the cast out lion. Remembering this I then decided to ask Heaven to find a way to Stop this from occurring. Lions already have enough to deal with considering EXTINCTION. 

And an interesting thing happened. I was basically THANKED by beings above for that prayer. It was a RARE one. I had tapped into a request not often given. 

Heaven NEEDS prayers and requests on behalf of the Earth so that it feels it has 1. PERMISSION to step in and 2. Encouragement that motivates them to act. And people do pray and ask for aid over a vast array of things. Group prayers and prayers in abundance help. It's basically Humans handing over the World to GOD. 

But these rare prayers are especially important because it doesn't often occur to people that "praying outside the box" could extend Heaven's reach into areas people never before considered. Feel free to pray for jut about anything. Never hesitate to ask Heaven to step in and bring Peace to a situation. 

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Qualifying Religious/Spiritual Members

Is Donald Trump a Christian? Some agree with the Pope and say yes, others disagree and question the Pope's legitimacy on the same question. 

I thought about it and decided there are 3 standing principles that determine the religious affiliation of any given person to any religion.

#1 Does the person BELIEVE and Acknowledge the basic concepts and understandings upheld by the religion. Not ALL of the beliefs, only the founding, primary ones. For Christians this would be acknowledging a belief in God and in particular Jesus Christ as God enfleshed having lived,died, and been Resurrected. 

#2 Does the person PRACTICE the religion if the religion has main, common practices with a fair amount of consistency. For Christians this usually entails going to church fairly regularly and reading some, most, or all of the Bible

#3 (This being the most significant) Does the person uphold the primary VALUES of that religion. For Christians this includes Charity, Forgiveness, Mercy, Sacrifice, Compassion, and Peace. Also NOT casting Judgments upon anyone -as Christ said. 

So how does Donald Trump measure up? Well I can't speak for him, but part of me does believe he might acknowledge #1. He certainly claims to. 

As for #2, not so much. He doesn't attend church and actually said "2 Corinthians" instead of Second Corinthians -which tells me he probably hasn't spent much time with the Bible

As for #3, NOT AT ALL. Period. 

So basically he's 1/3rd Christian. 

Personally since I haven't attended church in a while and don't read the Bible regularly, though I did in the past, I consider myself about 2 and a half/3rds Christian. I'm also a Spiritualist and believe in some Truths founded in Catholicism and Buddhism. 

The Ku Klux Klan and Neo Natzis generally rank about a 1/3rd to 2/3rd. Certainly not fulfilling the VALUES of Christianity by any stretch of the imagination.

Which leads me to another, separate point. If Christians continue to remain silent as a vast majority to the bigotry and convoluted representation found by a deeply misunderstanding minority more and more people will proceed to "leave the flock". It's gotten that way for me at this point. 

When I'm invited to a church, when I see a Christian billboard, when I consider working for christian ministries I have to stop and ask myself, "Is this the REAL Christianity or the backwards Westboro kind? I hesitate to engage. And I'm COOL with Christianity. Imagine what people outside of the faith or seeking the faith must feel. 

Every time Christianity is misrepresented more Atheists come out saying, "This is the reason we don't believe in God or anything those Christians say." They hear the falsehoods preached by false shepherds and flee -as do many people within the religion. 

It's kind of like before the Catholic church came out in full acknowledgement of the abuses against children. Would YOU feel safe having you kids go to confessional or be a part of that church knowing these abuses are going on and they're actually covering them up and supporting the priests/abusers? 

Which leads me to another separate point. It is my belief that a spiritually intuitive soul of light finds themselves in a religion like Satanism they will NOT enact any of the dark values preached, but instead rise above them and seek to add light to the religion and their practices. And if a dark, lost soul is introduced to a religion like Christianity that person might seek to add darkness to it and enact darkness in the name of Christianity. 

Ultimately SOULS are going to do what souls are going to do regardless of what religion they are in. It is easier for more souls -dark or light -to do good, positive things if the religion they affiliate with ENCOURAGES and PROMOTES good, positive, compassionate, peaceful, supportive, embracing, forgiving things. 

Monday, March 14, 2016

Of Mountains and Pyramids

Over the past couple month I've experienced the spiritual benefits of going high into the mountains to walk around. Being that high up in God's terrain with very little negative human influence is very uplifting. You feel deeply re-energized. And it makes sense given how many times in the Bible (as well as with other religions) it is noted that something miraculous occurred on or with mountains. 

And I've come to understands the Pyramids as a man-made structure emulating similar qualities to mountains. They are essentially spiritual conductors of metaphysical energy. Like a cell tower for your soul. 

And I have noted in my meditations -especially when attempting to cross over entities -when the Golden Pyramid (sometimes with the Eye of God above it) appears. This is the stairway to Heaven. An easier means for some souls to rise to that place above. 

So today I meditated. I was mostly praying for other people -especially those who claim to be in unity with God who do not seem to be following in alignment with the Compassion of Heaven. And this image came to me. 

And I immediately thought, "What should I do with this, now knowing what it means?" And so since my friend gave me a new drawing notebook for my birthday I decided it would be a good idea to log these kinds of images I receive from Heaven in there since I do get some from time to time. 

At first the heart appeared to me and I did not know what it meant other than Love/Compassion... and since it had wings like Angels maybe Divine Love. 

Then the Golden Pyramid appeared behind with God's Eye above it and I understood: "Divine/Compassionate Love LEADS to Heaven and God." 

You CAN wish someone who claims to follow God or Christianity to receive Compassionate Understanding, but it is easier for those people to genuinely follow God and their Faith when they ALREADY are in alignment with Compassionate Love. The one will lead to the other. 

I still pray God reaches some people though. There is too much love needed on this planet that people could give if they actually followed along with Heaven instead of just claiming to. 

Color Coding Personality Types

As usual whenever I come across a new "personality test system" I feel the need to analyze it in comparison with others including the Zodiac. So far I've seen:

Myers Briggs -Which is behaviorally based (people change their behaviors depending on situations and it is not necessarily denotative towards inherent tendencies) and is VASTLY OVERLY COMPLICATED. Wayyyyyyyyyy too much. If you can't use the application practically its utility is rendered kind of useless. 

Enneagrams -This has overlap with Myers Briggs but in a far more simplified form. I found overlap with this and the Zodiac System and tend to like it the best out of all the personality test systems I've seen -except for the Zodiac System itself which is the most accurate when used properly.

Chinese Astrology -Maybe if I delved more into it I could find greater validity, but if it's not as readily accessible in general and doesn't go much deeper it's a little to light without enough substance. 

Other Random Tests -I saw one once based on high school stereotype caricatures like "Geek" or "Artist" or "Popular Girl". Pretty dumb. 

This brings us to these 2 latest Personality Tests I've found. Both are essentially trying to simplify previously established personality systems based around 4 colors (a.k.a. personalities). 

The first uses the colors Red, Blue, Green, and Yellow.

Red = Fire Signs in general, but specifically: Type A Personalities, Freedom, Leadership, Excitement, Fun, Action, Image, Opportunity, Success, Advancement...

Blue = Analytical, Structure, Duty, Order, Process

Green = Spiritual Understanding, Wisdom, Truth, Personal Growth, Integrity, Research, Clarity 

Yellow = Caring, Loving, Compassionate, Collaboration, Seeking Connection, Personal Growth, Imaginative, Creative 

In this system you are supposed to place the personalities in order from greatest to least so you can see which ones resonate MOST with you and which ones resonate LEAST. I'm a Yellow/Green hybrid who can get along with Blues but tends to avoid Reds. 

The other color coding system is very similar. The Red color is almost identical. This system uses Red, Blue, White, and Yellow. 

Red = Fire Signs, Type A's, Leadership, Vision, Power, Action, Assertive, Direct, Talkative, Impatient 

Blues = Caring, Connection, Loyal, Mindful, Sensitive, Emotional, Purposeful 

Yellow = Younger Souls, Fun, Enthusiastic, Creative, Social, Charismatic, Unfocused, Expressive, Easily Bored 

Whites = Peace, Clarity, Gentle, Kind, Accepting, Reason, Timid, Withdrawn, Hiding, Fluidity 

I'm a White with some Blue leanings. Blues seem to equal what Yellows were for the other color code. 

Both codes aim at acknowledging specific trends among people. The first focuses on Desires and Motivating Influences in Core Tendencies. What do you SEEK in life? 

The second is based more around obvious and external tendencies and even spiritual age. Are you young and energetic, older and success driven, caring and seeking connection, or an elder soul? 

It's interesting that the RED signs are the same. Fire signs are the most prominent in representation because they are so unchanging and bold most of the time. They easily gain the most attention and take the lead in everything. There is no mistaking a Fire Sign. 

Discerning Messages and Mysteries

So this pertains to things that happened within a 1 week time spance and a couple weeks ago. I mostly just wanted it noted and acknowledged because there is something to it. 

When I was working with the Angel Cards for Reincarnation and figuring out past lives I found a card that was entitled "Atlantis". For me this represented my past issues with the ocean since I died via the sea in many past lives. But it got me thinking, "Does this mean Doreen Virtue believes Atlantis was real?" I knew what the card represented as it pertained to me but the card itself alludes to a place that some believe once existed and was primarily ocean-based in setting and very technologically advanced until one day it just disappeared. 

Either way I thought it was odd but didn't necessarily think there was that much more to it. Then a couple days later I walked in on a tv show my dad was watching no the Smithsonian Channel that was going into the mysterious disappearance of an island. The island had been charted on maps for centuries and then on an aerial Google map showed some dark shadow cast over it. When people went to inspect what the dark shadow was in person the island itself was gone. As I was watching this I knew it was something of relevance that Heaven wanted me to know about but I didn't know why. 

The a couple days after that I was with my friend Nina -who in general isn't the most informed human on the face of the earth. She didn't even know about the Bill Cosby issue until I told her about a month ago. Nina whips out her phone and reads me a lengthy article verbatim about the search for the Malaysian airplane people have been searching for since 2 years ago. They have recovered a few pieces of debris and think they're getting closer to finding it now. 

All of this started to form a pattern. Large objects or places being lost mysteriously or vanishing over the ocean. I don't know what it means, but I think it's something Heaven wants me to be aware of for future reference or clarification.