Sunday, November 5, 2017

Dear Future Me

For whatever reason I'm meant to write this blog. I've had 2 other blogs in mind with a serious inability and no desire to write them out, but this is the one I'm meant to put out there for some reason. 

And I think it's mostly a note to my future self at this point. 

Dear future self, 

You're Screwed. 

I love my job. I love the physical activity, the fact that I mastered driving a lift and haven't run anyone over, I get to work with my new best friend, learning life lessons, working around plants and growing crops, cleaning stuff, and good hours. 

The only problem is the PAY. Whoever decided $9 as minimum wage was enough to work full time and live off of needs to be shot. Starting in 2018 it'll go up to $10, but for now it's not good. 

I pay rent and bills but am left each month with about $400 unaccounted for. Thanks to the support of family members I've essentially been scraping by with their patronage. My art is flourishing and the only other setback was only getting 1 day off a week -Sundays -which is physically taking its toll and I'm getting more and more tired each weekend I can tell. 

But I don't want to leave my job and I genuinely feel like I'm still meant to be there. But getting a third job (my second job is doing graphic design/marketing stuff on Sunday my pseudo 'day-off') seems like a nightmare. I don't have the energy or the stamina to get off of work and do some kind of night-shift job somewhere. But I don't know where to get the extra $400+ each month. 

Which is part of the reason why I know that I'm screwed and at this point ONLY God could help me out. I know I'm where I'm meant to be doing what I'm meant to be doing -just not getting paid what I need. Don't know how God is going to do it, but I keep getting the sense that something is going to happen. 

Not necessarily something good, but something bad that can turn into a blessing in disguise somehow pretty much. I think my bigger fear is that nothing would happen and I look down the barrel of another surmounting set of bills I'm unable to pay on my own. I'll take anything but this frustrating circumstance not changing. 

So whatever plot twist is coming for me it's important for future me to remember, "It was needed." 

*On the plus side the veil is thinning more and more and God and Heaven are coming through very resiliently and are close. I can actually feel the presence of Christ getting stronger each night. I just have trouble as always discerning Heaven's guidance. It's still murky. 

Monday, October 16, 2017

What's the Point of Life on Earth?

If you haven't had an existential crisis at some point you're missing out. Everyone needs to define there lives and their life's purpose at some point. What's the point of any of it? 

Especially spiritual people who fathom Heaven and how backwards and finite this world is in comparison. Why would anyone be sent down here from paradise? 

So it was time to wonder down that path again last night. I recently pulled an angel card that said, "Be clear on your desires and what you want so Heaven can help manifest them. Ask for what you want." I think my biggest problem is that I fear getting what I want. If it actually occurred everything would change -including me. And it's not like I want stupid stuff -we're talking the Ultimate of what can be dreamed and lived. 

So I asked myself: What is MY point of being here? I don't wants what's already been done and achieved by other people like romantic love, pursuing a career, fame, wealth, having a family... We all want small doses of these things sometimes, but as far as ultimate fate goes we all know there's MORE. Even spiritual breakthroughs, overcoming sorrows, and sacrificing self to save others has been done. So what is the MORE this life on Earth has to offer? 

And I decided Heaven and God are always going to be MORE. In fact they are THE MORE. And they're what this Earth needs more of. That if there's anything greater that can be added to this life it will come from the greatest source. 

So I created the list of everything I would want to engage with in this life spiritually (what I think might be my callings): 

1. Expressions of the Soul -Art, Music, Writing, Movies, Fashion, Photography, Dancing, Culinary Arts... anything and everything that comes from the soul in creativity. 

2. Giving back to people in support. Either financially or in most cases by being there for people spiritually and reminding them they're not alone. 

3. Spiritual "Activism" -Take a spiritual approach to all the world's issues and discerning the best spiritual approach to take to handle them. 

4. Being accessible and flexible to God's path and going where I'm Needed. This usually involves praying over people and places I'd otherwise never go to. 

5. Being a spiritual beacon -striving to embody soul because doing that alone is kind of the main point and ultimately leads to helping others. 

6. Travel. Travel frightens me sometimes because it can be an "unknown" but it's clearly something I get led to over and over again. 

7. Creating spiritual "sanctuaries" and places people can go to for shelter, support, and nourishment. 

8. Seeking to protect and act from a place of compassionate caring towards those who are hurting or are invisible where they should be seen as souls. 

9. There are systemic, institutional issues that are finally being addressed across a vast spectrum globally. Things like government corruption, rape on college campuses, abuses in religious institutions... And we're all meant to acknowledge these things, call them out, and change the way the system works. 

Working at the greenhouse has been coming up a lot lately because there've been numerous metaphors and insights I've gained from that place. Systemic issues was actually one of them. 

When the technologically advanced greenhouse was first made there were NO women involved. The decisions were made entirely by men and what ends up happening without someone even realizing it is Men think in terms of action and doing while Women think in terms of organization, preparation, and worse case scenarios. This isn't always the case but given gender roles that have been playing out over the millennia it's at least mostly ingrained in people at this point. 

So there wasn't much thought given to the way the system was laid out, preventing possible problems from occurring, and even up-keep and sanitation in the long term. Women create "nest space" so everything is safe and well looked after and cared for to create the best environment. Men are raised to focus on other things. 

The situation reached a head when this past week produced very little lettuce because so many were infected with a kind of fungus created by issues in the system and the way water was getting to the plants. So know they have to dismantle and rearrange everything. And the same goes for the world outside. 

When the judicial system fails in upholding justice -things need to change. When the police are the ones enacting crime and getting away with it -things need to change. When religions damn there own congregation with abuses and cruelty -things need to change.  

Another life lesson learned was: When seeds sprout and are ready to be transplanted I found there were 3 different kinds. 

There were small leaves bursting at the seems like a firework (too overly enthusiastic for their own good because when they mature into "adulthood" there leaves are too sprawled out everywhere.) 

There were tiny leaves shyly coming forward that were too demure and withdrawn and end up turning into lettuce that isn't fully formed. 

Then there was the happy medium between the two: Leaves that were sprouting forward, but not as far or extreme and not as tiny and closed in. Those mature into the kind of lettuce we're looking to harvest ultimately. 

And it reminds me of "Who gets called on by God do enact 'big picture' spiritual things?" It's never based on gender, race, age, or even religion. It's always based on where someone is at as a soul. You need someone who is open and willing, but not overzealous and extreme. You also can't have someone who's undetermined or holds back from that path. The greatest kind of soul is one in acknowledged partnership with the divine who will humble themselves to listen to where they're being guided but will also be bold and lead when needed. 

The other understanding I gained was that plants -including lettuce, not just flowers -have the creative designs from God within them and therefore can be made beautiful and divine. It actually took me by surprise. Never underestimate God's ability to make something amazing. 

So I'm clearly being shown over and over: You are where you're meant to be and more life lessons are unfolding for you to understand so you can succeed on your path. 

The other thing I've come to understand is when you're in Heaven for whatever reason "evolving" spiritually to the next stage and the next progression takes a lot of time. You can be handed wisdom but until you have lived it out it's hard for people to grasp and have that kind of instinct built in. Like telling a child why eating vegetables is important when they are set on hating vegetables and loving candy. 

So coming to Earth is a way to live out Redemption more than anything. Every time and every way this life weighs you down and buries you under you are capable of overcoming and you ultimately overcome spiritually. Certain understandings then get ingrained in you. 

I think the lesson I'm trying to live so that I can learn is to not be so afraid. To find the balance between being bold/outgoing v. egotistical and being humble v. being shy/withdrawn/fearful. To TRUST more not just in God but also myself. 

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Recent Revelations: God's Work Through Generations

First off I should probably lay out some recent synchronicities that have been occurring. And the more these things occur the more I understand WHY deja vu and similar phenomenons go on. 

#1 Food Bank of the Rockies

The greenhouse I work at -like many producers of food -has TONS of what I call "second-hand lettuce" that is technically good to eat, but not good enough looking to sell. It's lettuce that isn't as full or plump enough to package and ship to stores. We have a huge dumpster of compost that gets filled entirely within a couple days. And it hurts to throw away perfectly good food -but the company's been struggling to find a place to take the food. 

So I went online and Food Bank of the Rockies came up pretty quickly. I was also familiar with it because the non-profit I worked at last year partnered with them and they're a 5-star food bank that gives to those in need. 

So I wrote down all the information to give to someone at the greenhouse in a higher-up position. And the morning I went to go to work with the info written down I was at a stop light and a Food Bank of the Rockies truck was parked right beside me. I've never seen that truck before and they aren't really located in that area. It was kismet. 

#2 Music 

My mom wanted me to make her a CD for her birthday. She likes Florida Georgia Line and a signer I had never heard of named Thomas Rhett. So not knowing their songs I did my best to make a "greatest hits" album for her. I got this strange feeling when I was downloading the songs like, "You'll hear country music tomorrow..." but ignored it because I deemed it to be impossible. 

The next day when I went into work someone decided to play Thomas Rhett's entire album -which is especially weird since most of the time they play classic rock and hip hop music and I've never heard them playing country music. 

The next day after that I had a Journey song stuck in my head all morning. Sure enough that day at work they had classic rock playing and Journey came on. 

#3 Lotto Tickets 

I've never bought lottery tickets -or in this case Powerball tickets -but numbers started coming to me and I felt compelled to start buying them regularly. Unfortunately this first round involved the cashier picking my numbers at random because I wasn't given the chance to hand over the ones I wanted. I got the process down and a better sense of how the whole thing works. I KNOW that at some point the ticket numbers will match the ones I've chosen. Just don't know when specifically. I have the same sense about it as I did getting into the college I went to, which I found out after was pretty competitive and technically a "reach school". 

This brings us to the first revelation I had recently about spiritual things and how it all works. 

Revelation 1: We've already "been here" and "done that"

Every time I catch glimpses -including at the supermarket and at work -of scenes I've already envisioned living out I don't get the sense that I'm perceiving of the future and it's playing out right now; I get the sense that this has already happened and I'm just physically living it out now. 

A deeper understanding was: Hell/Negativity/Darkness has led to "heaviness" and a weighted physicality for us. On the Heaven/Positive/Light spectrum we ARE beyond this time and beyond all time. We are beyond physically limiting circumstances. 

So as we become more spiritual and aligned with Heaven, we start to feel the weight of physically living as this layer that's been imposed over us that keeps us from living beyond these times and this present reality. This physically reality is therefore in the PAST where Heaven is beyond this in the FUTURE. Our "present time" has already occurred spiritually -just not physically. Physicality is slow and is still playing catch-up. 

In other words, not being in greater alignment with ourselves as souls and Heaven beyond is holding us back. 

Revelation 2: New Generations are God's Batches of People 

This one actually occurred to me a while ago but has been coming up a lot lately in terms of relevance. 

Whenever a new generation of people is born (depending on the time and place) they are born into wherever that culture is at Spiritually; but they are also born with a deeper and deeper understanding of that spirituality as time goes on. 

And you can use a lot of different things as an example of this, but since racism keeps coming up a lot these days let's use racial relations as an example:

You have an older generation of people that acknowledges racism is bad, but don't know what racism actually is. So they say and do racist things -mostly out of ignorance. And they tend to push back against people of other races trying to raise awareness about racism. 

Then you have a younger generation that's very clear on what's going on working to correct these issues. Where someone from an older generation will tell you, "We're living in a post-racist society and there's no problems of racism anymore black people are just complaining to be 'special'..." A person from a younger generation will say, "Here's the history of latino/black and Native American/black people in America which has never been thoroughly or even vaguely covered or mentioned in our education system..." The younger generations are dissecting different kinds of racism and what to do o prevent it -mostly out of a sense of genuine solidarity because they are LISTENING to people of other races in a way previous generations rarely did. 

Generations are like batches -like muffins in the oven. When God brings about one generation it's better than the one that came before it inevitably because there's more knowing and truth + the recipe seems to have improved (including the conditions it's created in). 

This younger generation holds particularly tight to solidarity. And it's not just "millennials" but Gen X'ers and this newest generation of Gen Z'ers. You have Jews standing beside Muslims, Muslims standing beside Christians, and Christians standing beside Atheists (even though a lot of times this doesn't get acknowledged because religious extremists on all fronts make it seem like the opposite). You have more members of the LGBT+ community being acknowledged and embraced Within that community let alone beyond it. You have people of many races coming together. And you have an older generation of people Complaining about all this, acting against it, and wondering what the hell is going on. 

This has been a shift of: the Times, our Technology and Transparency of Truth through Social Media, Spiritual Solidarity and Connection, Empathetic Compassion, and greater access to Information and Facts. It's also been a shift within these generations themselves. 

A shift towards greater social conscience and understanding. 

Revelation 3: Collective Insight  

"Collective Insight" is the word I use because I don't know what else to call it. 

It's basically what ends up occurring when you take in numerous perspectives outside of your own. In olden times the well-educated would read tons of books from many cultures and times like Ancient Greece, India, China... and they would then gain a broader sense of life itself and various philosophies on how best to approach life. 

Most people don't do that these days and haven't really done that for a couple hundred years now -and even when they were doing that sort of thing it was only small numbers of wealthy people that felt particularly inspired. 

These days -thanks to social media -you can get a vast range of perspectives and really good insights that never otherwise would have occurred to you on a vast range of subjects from people across the world. This helps people connect in understanding to various cultures, places, and people from many walks of life. You then gain an "awareness" of other people and start taking them into consideration  and regard with the things you say and do. 

People are also sharing a LOT more these days about various kinds of problems going on in the world so you can have more clarity about what specific issues entail, what's being done, and what needs to be supported. This cuts down on culture clashes, racism, homophobia, sexism... because it eliminates the possibility of leaving other people out of the equation when you go to say and do things. Their perspective and insights are adopted into your own. 

For instance, it never would have occurred to me that men do not have access to baby changing stations in public restrooms -or even that it would be an issue. Imagine being a single father and taking your young kid through an airport and then needing to change their diaper. Where do you go??? You can't go in the women's bathroom (which 9 times out of 10 has a baby changing station). And most of the time they don't have a "shared" parent bathroom available. You're screwed! 

And yet it's something most people have never thought about unless they found themselves in that specific situation. And as a woman there's no way for it to randomly occur to me that that's an issue unless someone outside of me makes me aware of it. 

And so we GAIN by developing a collective insight and are better able to be more inclusive and understanding in a world of 7 billion people. 

Revelation 4: Labels 

There have been 2 people complaining about labels this past week. 

Both argued that labels were a bad thing because they divided people and we're "past that sort of thing as a people". 

So here's my thoughts: 

#1 Acknowledging WHO someone is in terms of race, religion, orientation, gender... it's a Reality. It's not bad for someone to be white any more than it's bad for someone to be black. I see "race" -or as more enlightened people call it "melanin levels within a human". I see it as beautiful. I see the humanity as a vast painting of every color from every spectrum. I don't go up to a canvas and say, "I don't see paint colors..." I see orange, green, purple, indigo... I see everything. It's that way for a reason and there's nothing wrong with the truth of What IS. 

#2 Labels are only "bad" when they devolve into stereotypes and things like racism, sexism, and so on. If most people wanted to be mad at any group of people (especially historically) it would be white, heterosexual, Christian men. 

But in reality they're just PEOPLE. And when stereotypes and these sorts of issues prevent you from seeing people as people, as human, as soul, as positive being, as everything... that's when things start going downhill and people start getting mistreated. 

#3 There are different kinds of Labels. Some pertain to physical appearances (skin color, height, weight, perceived gender...). Some have to do with internal things that are going on (health issues, orientations, personality types...). Some have to do with things we Choose to identify with (religion, sports teams, hobbies...). You can label people a million different ways about a million different things. Each label is like a layer placed over a person -ultimately leading to the greater understanding that what genuinely matters most in terms of person-hood usually has to do with Being. 

Are you a kind person? Are you forgiving? Are you patient? Do you enjoy inflicting pain on other people. 

If you ask most people, "Would you rather be on a deserted island with the person that encompasses all of your least favorite label-related attributes, or would you rather be there with a serial killer? -most people would choose the labels. 

For me it's an amazing concept and reality. Imagine a gemstone that at the heart of it every time consistently was a diamond, but on the outside was colored with as many different kinds of color arrangements as you could name. No two stones ever being the same except with regard to that diamond in the center (the part that's worth the most). 

#4 The Stigma of Labels is the only other issue that really comes up. Meaning, when you have an overt label (gender, race, orientation) the older generation's mentality is to automatically attach that label to that person "forever". Every time they see that person it then registers. And this mentality has bled into my generation as well to some extent and it's something you have to become mindful of when it arises (including when it arises for yourself). 

Most of the time I will initially acknowledge gender, race, orientation... all that. But after that I don't care because I've moved onto Phase 2: Figuring out people's personality types and where they're at spiritually so I can either befriend them or avoid them. But fro time to time Phase 1 acknowledgments will creep back in and you find yourself saying, "Why is that relevant?" It's relevant to some extent -it is a part of that person's identity. But it's not the more relevant parts. So you end up getting distracted form things that matter MORE. 

And the sad part is for some people, there is no MORE. It's just race, religion, orientation, gender... and that's it. 

Revelation 5: Manifesting Life 

I think people don't understand the partnership we have with God and the way bringing life into creation works. When we "summon life" to be here physically -God HAS to ensoul that life otherwise there is none. 

You purposely breed 2 dogs to get puppies where otherwise they wouldn't have mated... you have just summoned life into being. And we do that for a lot of things -often leaving God out of consideration even when people acknowledge God to be a part of that equation. 

Lately it's been bothering me with plants. Working at a greenhouse it has become clearer to me that plants are ALIVE and they have some sort of spiritual situation going on. Do plants have "souls"... not sure, just know there's something there. And the greenhouse fosters this life by purposely planting seeds and bringing this spiritual matter into physical matter. To them it's just spiritless plant material, but as someone who acknowledges there's more going on it seems wasteful on multiple fronts. 

And so people summon life into being like Victor Frankenstein without necessarily taking responsibility for it. And it is an unspoken agreement between Heaven and Earth that is occurring. "You called and ordered the pizza so I delivered it to you. I would prefer you not throw it in the trash or then tell me you don't want it anymore." 

People need to take greater responsibility with what they physically seek to manifest. Whether that's plants, animals, or people. And I have met some people that sucked at taking care of their kids because they only had them for the sake of appearances and doing what they thought they were "supposed to". 

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

What Hurts the Most

Over 10 people died yesterday in a wildfire in California. People are just now realizing the extent of Harvey Weinstein's sexual abuses. It's domestic violence awareness month and my friend Elaine found out on Monday her best friend was being abused by her spouse and had to seek shelter. Neo-nazis returned to Charlottesville one month after killing an innocent woman. 

It's been a lot. 

But this latest event hit hardest and for some reason haunted me more than the rest. 

Maybe it's because she was only 3. 

Maybe it's because her father KNEW there were sketchy, kidnapper-esque men in the alley near where he threw her at 3am in the morning. 

Maybe it's because I suspect he sold his daughter to those men and is just claiming he set her outside as punishment. 

Maybe because it's been several days now and people have already stopped looking. 

Maybe it's because it's just too easy for someone so helpless and young to be lost to this world for senseless reasons. 

Maybe it's the thought of the men who kidnapped her harming her and preying upon her before likely disposing of her. The "how" in terms of trying to fathom that kind of depravity in fellow human beings. 

It's too much innocence lost. 

This morning I realized why it bothered me so much. 

She was my sister. 

She was your sister.

She is God's child.

She's everyone's daughter. 

She had belonging with all of us and was for all of us to look after. 

She was a child. 

I prayed hard -as i know many other souls out there are doing. 

And yet that's all most people can do. 

There's something so painful about the incurability of a disease that takes the lives of children this swiftly with next to no solution left to be found. 

We have to do better by children. 

This can't be who we are as a people. We have to do better at looking after the most vulnerable. They can't be lost to the world this easily and this often. 

Friday, October 6, 2017

Truth of Alignment

God has brought us clarity. There's the things people say that they care about and are in alignment with, and then there's the truth of reality. And so it is we get to see where people's true allegiances are and the depth of those alignments. And it has less to do with external appearances and more to do with whether people are aligned to Soul and therefore other people as well, or Ego and therefore only to the detachment within themselves and then to no one else.

And so an unwritten social contract with ourselves as a people has been written publicly with our silence, our complacency, our ignorance or willingness, and in spite of our best efforts. 

We as a people were asked in honesty:

~Do you think elderly people that are abused or even raped in nursing homes and senior centers (especially where the abuses are systemic) should have the right to use or pursue legal action?

And people said NO.

~Do you think breeders who create puppy mills (breeding dogs carelessly until their bodies give out and their pups are so degenerate that they're missing limbs) should be tracked and stopped?

And people said NO.

~Do you think that reporting instances of sexual harassment and rape in the workplace should be discouraged and legally made more challenging to address?

And people said YES.

~Do you think the barriers preventing corporate and government corruption should be erased almost entirely?

And people said YES 

~Do you think prenatal, postnatal, and maternal care should be covered by health insurance?

And people said, "Why should men in this country have to pay for stuff that has to do with women?"

~Do you think testicular cancer should be covered by health insurance, but not breast cancer or contraception? 


~Do you think 9 million children should have their health insurance taken away?


~Do you think that nepotism (hiring people that are unqualified or unqualified for high up positions because they are of relation to you) should be enacted and championed?


~Do you think silencers (things that silence the sounds of gun fire) and military weapons should be given to civilians?


~Do you think the mentally ill should be given access to weapons?


~Do you think mental illness should be covered by health insurance?


~Do you think prisoners of war are cowards?


~Do you think a father repeatedly, and publicly, sexualizing his daughter is normal?


~Do you think military rape is inevitable and the solution is denying women their right to serve?


~Is it ok for an official government member in a high ranking position to give his mistress a high paying position within the government at tax payers expense?


~Do you think dictators in other countries who are currently slaughtering their own people should be commended for their "good work"?


~Do you think it's normal or ok to mock people who are disabled?


~Do you think peaceful protest and enacting your first amendment right to take a knee to raise awareness of racism should be illegal?


~Do you think torture should be legal?


~Do you think the U.S. should be a theocracy instead of a democracy and the constitutional understanding that government shall found no one, single religion should be thrown out?


~Should LGBT people be denied work on the basis that they exist and should trans people be denied their right to serve in the military?


~Should police abuses go unchecked and simultaneously should police be granted access to military weaponry and vehicles?


~Do you think essential kinds of medical coverage should be taken from health insurance so the wealthiest people can get a huge tax break?


~Do you think net neutrality should be taken away and partitioned up to corporations? 


~Do you know what "net neutrality" is?


~Do you think the funding designated towards investigating white supremacist groups and hate groups within this country should be defunded? 


~Do you think the systemic problems of rape on college campus should be handled by making the legal process more challenging for rape victims? 


~Do you think civilians and innocent people in war zones should be targeted by the military? 


~Do you think a man who bragged about creating concentration camps out of jails, who on several occasions tied pregnant women to beds in chains while they attempted to give birth leading to the death of the infants, who ignored over 400 cases of sexual abuse (many of which involved children), and who purposely and unlawfully arrested people on the basis of race alone -should be commended for his "patriotism" and be pardoned? 


~Do you think children taken to this country by their parents who are now either: still kids, students, workers, home owners, parents themselves, and by law upstanding citizens, and who have never known a country outside of this one -should be sent back to whatever land they were technically born in? 


~Do you think a territory of the United State devastated recently by a hurricane doesn't matter and those people should be abandoned by our country and told, "you're now throwing off our budget"? 

~Do you think various national parks and other environmental sites should be exploited by companies for whatever resources they may have? 


Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Post-Jury Duty

It was brief, but definitely fated.

You walk in and it's like going through the TSA, only they don't ask for your ID or your shoes. Then it becomes more of a DMV where you hand over the questionnaire you received in the mail, get handed another questionnaire, and sit down in a room full of 400 people in chairs. I was juror #67 out of the 400 summoned.

The first moment of deja vulnerability actually happened in the women's bathroom. I remembered the brown tile on the wall and being in that room. The second came when the tv on the wall switched to the image of a court room and the main person their first addressed us as a group.

Then the jury commissioner -who was a very nice woman- explained to us what the process would be like. There were 26 trials set to last 1 day -aka tomorrow. We were to be called for the specific group of about 30 people we were assigned to and needed to write the number they called out on the top of our questionnaire.

When they said the name of the judge affiliated with the second group I felt compelled to write his name down and Knew that was my group. I was also borderline intuitively "told" to pay attention to the number called because it had spiritual meaning. Sure enough that Was my group and I was given #27. 27 is my spiritual number, equating to "9", and also me being born February 27th.

The next interesting thing to happen was the woman sitting next to me said, "What are the odds? I got called 26 in the same group as you and we're sitting right next to each other. Maybe we're both lucky." Then the woman to my left said, "That same thing happened to me the last time I had jury duty. Weird."

I was initially silent since bringing spiritual stuff and fate never usually goes over well with most usual/practical people, but then the woman to my left said, "And I saw you write down the judges name as if you knew that was your group." So I explained that I find spiritually sense that it was.

Then a judge introduced himself and started talking about the jury process and I felt like I was meant to take note of some of it, so here's the info I found most important:

~The right to a fair trial is the 7th Ammendment in the Bill of Rights and separates our country from others that do not have a fair process *Basically if the government says you're guilty you'll likely be executed like in Henry the 8th times*
~Some states elect judges who run for office spending millions and corruption and favoritism usually follow (like special treatment to lawyers and their clients who donated to the judges campaign)
~Some states have judges appointed by government officials, which also tends to lead to corruption, favoritism, and nepotism (if you're in with the appointee you're a win-win for the position, even if you're less qualified)
~But Colorado is different. They have "Merit Selection" where a large group of citizens from the community will elect local judges for their area and go through a list of candidates -reviewing their applications and giving interviews like a job position. The top 3 candidates are then sent to the governor to review and pick the final candidate. Then for "Retention Judges" that come up for review because their term has ended; a committee is assigned to monitor and review the judge's cases and vote whether they should be re-elected. The public then votes on those judges.
~For jury members, there are 3 categories of cases:
1. Civil trials, which is usually one party using the other and usually only has 3 jury members
2. Misdemeanor trials, which are smaller criminal cases that usually have 6 jury members
3. Felony trials, which are serious crimes that usually have 12 jury members.
~Most trials in Colorado don't last longer than 3 days, and the ones today we're actually only going to be 1 day long.

So yeah, learned some things today. Also prayed over everything and everyone there -It's about the most random cross-section I'd people you can get. I think God leads me to random places and groups of diverse people do no one gets left out.

Then just like that it was over. The entire group of 30 people I was a part of was dismissed -not needed.

I was worried something bad might happen on the drive home, I still maintain something big will happen in the next couple days or weeks. But 2 things did come up.

First, I genuinely think I'm meant to get a Lotto ticket (would not waste my money on one unless I felt that strongly compelled to). And I was led to understand the numbers to put down on the drive home.

The second thing was stopping behind a truck that had the words "You're Needed" pop out at me followed by a butterfly soaring over the truck in the sky above. "You're Needed Above".

And it occurred to me that I've spent brief periods of time popping in and out of different groups, jobs, and people's lives always trying to improve things and make things better -but never staying put forever. And maybe that's supposed to be my point here on Earth. Not a permanent residency, just a brief encounter to bless as much as I can.

Maybe I'm meant to move onto "More". More of what I'm intended for and what's intended for me the way I have been over the years.

As Predicted

So I will be going to jury duty today, as I knew. Everyone told me it wasn't likely but I didn't know how to explain it feels fated.

My friend Elaine that I worked with told me she gets deja vu a lot like me and said she had a bad feeling something horrible was going to happen. Then last night my mom tested me that her friend was frightened and upset by the same feeling.

It's good to know people's intuition is getting stronger -especially spiritual people connected to God. Everything is as it was always going to be -you can feel it. Like everything's already happened even before it has. I see something new for the first time it doesn't feel new and I perceive of it as if it's already been.

Not sure how things will go down at jury duty, but I've handed my life over to God numerous times as a soul. My life is still held in those hands. It seems like you can face anything when you realize you're facing none of it alone. Even the unknown.

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Twitter v. Facebook

Was reflecting on this this morning. Especially since this has been going on for a couple years now.

The overt racism on Twitter somehow becomes tolerable. It's still shocking every once in a while because we're used to polite conversations and most people have some semblance of honor or respect towards others. But it's also the fact that you don't know those individuals but know of them and the fact that they exist. So you acclimate and acknowledge "Twitter Trolls" that are neo-nazis, racists, xenophobic, homophobic, and sometimes preach violence against women. The lowest common denominators of people. 

Facebook on the other hand has always been the greater challenge. It's rarely if ever overt, intended racism. It always comes from a place of genuine ignorance. When you're raised your entire life as a member of one race it can be hard to look beyond yourself and begin to grasp the way people of other races experience this world. It creates blind spots -and not just with racism, but everything else as well. 

And so in spite of people not intending to be maliciously harmful, they say and post things that are racist without genuinely being aware of it. They hate racism and condemn it while simultaneously perpetuating it in ways they'd never considered. And the same applies for xenophobia, homophobia, and misogyny. And it becomes a challenging landscape to navigate and the reason Facebook disturbs me more sometimes than the legions of Twitter. 

We live in a world of 7 billion people. The notion that we should all be the same in next to any respect seems more and more an absurdity -especially taking God into consideration. I look at the vast array of flowers in the jungle and know that God loves diversity. I look at the reptiles, and birds, and mammals, and fish in every iteration and know God loves variety. The world is the canvas and we are the painting. 

I pray people come to see with that kind of vision and appreciation for this beauty we have been bestowed with. But also take up the responsibility as a human to strive to understand it. You can't appreciate something you are simultaneously oblivious to. You also can't understand the ways in which this intended grace is being infringed upon or in some instances Destroyed. 

Ignorance is not bliss. It's a blindness that makes people rejoice over suffering. Ignorance then becomes itself a kind of suffering. 

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Spiritual Practices

New, helpful spiritual practices have been coming up lately -which is awesome. Some days you really start to feel like, "How is my soul going to make it through a world this far removed from intuitive instinct?" So it's important to reclaim your space and invite God's presence in wherever you are and whatever you're doing. Be the catalyst for that shift and that grace to come through. 

#1 Childhood Memories 

I mentioned that these have been coming up a lot more. Taking yourself back to a time in your past that was nostalgic, spiritually connected, and innocent is important. Before the world molded you with its influence -who were you as a soul? Connecting to childhood moments and mementos takes you back to that State of Being which is usually the state we're trying to get back to. 

#2 Mysticism

I have issues with this one because -as it is wither everything spiritual -the way some people live certain spiritual aspects of life out can leave a negative affiliation with whatever aspect that is. 

-Someone ruining a religion? Well great, now it has a crappy connotation to it when you think about it. (sarcasm) 

-Someone take a deeply meaningful religious symbol and screw it over to represent something dark and hateful? Great, cause know you'll never be able to look at it the same. (sarcasm) 

Sarcastic tone really does need its own font at this point. 

With mysticism this issue is lived out negatively with the mentalities of people becoming so far removed from grounding in reality that they seem incoherent, unintelligible, and aloof. It's too "out there" sometimes. 

And yet in reality this "energy" speaks to a part of Heaven that's intended to come through. Something that does fall under the category of "magical". It's awe inspiring and leads you further into exploration and curiosity. Tap into it however you can. 

#3 Prayer 

Pray on your way to work. Pray over your work place and the people in it. Pray over the work that you do. Pray over the donut you just ate. I find that it's realllllllyyyyy hard to be angry and upset with anything when you pray. It's probably one of the most important spiritual practices a person can enact. 

Pray for good to come through, pray in thanks for what good has happened, pray others experience the good...

#4 Listen to Nature

Normally I'd say "get in nature" -as in take a walk through the park. But this is specifically LISTEN to nature. Listen to the rain. Listen to the wind move through the trees. Listen to the birds. Listen to crickets chirping. 

Your mind is like a radio station and if you want to tune into the frequency of God -listening to nature is the place to begin. For whatever reason (I suspect because nature is so deeply connected with spirituality and emulates it) listening to nature helps redirect your being into greater alignment with Heaven. 

#5 See the Good in the Bad 

This has 2 meanings and has been coming up a LOT lately. 

We have a situation where the souls of people are like a vast, radiant light in the sky that can't be put out. Like the Sun in the sky making things day instead of night. But there are these dark, overhead clouds that some people allow to move in and drown out the sun and make the sky Appear dark -even though it's still daytime. What we get pissed at all the time with other people is the Darkness shadowing their light. It's not people themselves as souls but that which covers and buries the soul within -things like hatred, bigotry, the vile, greed... 

The distinction between getting angry at people and taking issue with things that don't actually Come from those people needs to be made. As Christians would put it, "Hate the sin -not the sinner." 

The other meaning to this that's come up is seeing through to the silver lining. What good came from Hurricane Harvey? Most people would think: NONE. It was utterly devastating natural disaster that took people's lives. 

And yet so many people came through, humbled themselves, set aside any "differences" that could ever been named, gave generously, and even Trump started acting presidential and compassionate. All that mattered was Helping People and being there for people -which IS ultimately all that matters. 

So the good in the bad is essential to clearly understanding what's going on spiritually and what's underlying everything. 

#6 Intuitive Shopping 

This doesn't actually mean buying anything. I would actually recommend going to somewhere like Goodwill and just wandering around.

2 things happen when you intuitively shop:

-Spiritual messages come through pretty clearly about things Heaven wants you to know -but not necessarily what it wants you to purchase. 

-You are put in alignment with what you're intended to receive and you get more familiar with distinguishing what you want because "it looks cool", what you want because "you think that maybe you're meant to have it?", and what you want because "it's not just you wanting it -it's something you're intuitively drawn to and are meant to have". 

God doesn't want people to be shopaholics, but there are things we're divinely intended to receive and get sometimes. If most people shopped this way they'd have what they were meant for and would never have the desire to own anything else outside of that understanding. They'd be content with what they had and would realize when they were meant to receive something else, it would come about pretty naturally. 

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

A Thinning Veil

The veil between this world and the spiritual, world beyond it is clearing. In the past couple days, for me at least, this has caused 3 simultaneous effects: 

#1 Heaven is Closer. 

It's night like Heaven just now decided to draw near -it's been close the whole time -that fact is just made clearer now. It's the difference between an overcast sky at night and seeing the sky so clearly you can call every star out by name. 

Jesus in particular has drawn near and I feel His presence regularly throughout my day now -which is awesome! 

The intentions and influence of Heaven has also been made clearer. Childhood stuff has been coming up the past week. Old photos of me as a kid, my old toys and school work, and glimpses of long lost memories popping through of nostalgic times as a kid. I was really spiritual when I was young and it's clear I'm meant to be tapping into that part of me that's still in here somewhere. 

#2 The World is Nauseous 

There are these negative energy spikes that keep popping up off and on. When they hit it's like trying not to vomit when you're nauseous and the littlest thing can set you off. Only with this it's mostly Anger that comes up. 

My mom told me I need to wear makeup for my job interview -emphasis on the makeup. It was like nails on chalkboard. I wear some makeup but I don't glob it on or anything. So it hit me in two ways: 

-You're not beautiful enough as is
-You need to be pretty to impress your boss (aka Sexism 101)

But I know that's not her intention. Out in rural settings where she's from women wear TONS of makeup. It's like the 80's never ended. Tons of blush, spray tans, eye shadow... And if you don't wear makeup the automatic assumption is either you're sick, you're tired, or you've "given up". So there's a lot of cultural emphasis on girls wearing makeup in the country. 

In the city it's the opposite. I've maybe met 1 out of the 30 or so women in the city here that wears makeup. Same applied back in San Jose, CA. Makeup in the city is affiliated with girls who party, drink, and are generally less intelligent. They're either vain or vapid. You wear lots of makeup to a job interview in the city it will HURT your chances of getting hired. Businesses also want to cut down on sexual harassment so  they don't get sued and women that are seen as overtly sexual are also considered a "liability". 

But trying to explain this to her is next to impossible. And it's come up multiple times in the past. She acts like if my sister and I don't wear makeup we'll fail in life in someway -which makes me feel like I'm being told I'm not good enough as is. 

(Call me crazy but I always think no makeup is the more beautiful of the two. Also -women can do whatever the hell they want and wear whatever they want makeup-wise. Makeup does not equate to brain density.) 

So this had me in a mental hamster wheel most of yesterday. then today it was $15 parking for 1 hour because I went into Denver. $15 for 1 hour in a parking lot. That's ridiculous. 

Then later it was the usual ignorantly racist posts I unfortunately come across on Facebook all the time (one of the reasons I avoid FB). Christ took the cross to try and end human suffering. Taking a knee is the least we can do to address the fact that God's children are being unjustly killed. Saying the main issue is "Anti-patriotism" as someone enacts their First Amendment Right to speak against abuses that go against American principles and what the flag is supposed to stand for seems ironically hypocritical. 

It's these little things that spike anger in you out of nowhere and haunt you throughout the day. I had to remind myself to focus more on "Being" and not worrying. Connecting to Heaven helps navigate through these tumultuous, negative energy bursts going on behind the scenes. Tensions are high. 

#3 Feeling My Way Through the City 

You can tell -in part because of the anger whirling in your head because of previous day troubles -where the pockets in various areas are where Heaven is coming through. Some places seem almost claustrophobic in chaos. I don't know how people can stand living in the main, crowded city. Other areas are serene and calm -almost as if someone turned off the white noise playing in the background from a stereo. 

And in some of those places God's presence comes through on its own pretty profoundly. The clouds may as well have parted and shown angels above singing, "Welcome back!" 

I pray as I drive. More and more. I pray over the areas I drive through and people who pass me by. I pray over businesses, and cars, and buses, and people j-walking. Everything. 

But I don't pray in the spaces where Heaven comes through. I think to, but then don't because I can feel that it's already spoken for and taken care of. It's like blessing God. It's just not needed there. 

So be mindful and clear with yourself on your thoughts and what's influencing them and how you're reacting. Heaven is making the final pushes towards coming through and time is passing faster and things are happening quicker. 

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Modern Day Martyrs

Heather Hayes 
Philando Castile 
Justine Damond 
Tamir Rice

...and many, many, many more. 

They were all acknowledged to be completely innocent -and in some instances they were just children. Their deaths each highlight different issues that have become prevalent in our country and the world itself. And there are more. 

Many transgender people murdered. Many woman shot and killed for refusing a man's sexual advances. 

The rape/murder attacks on women (in India and South America in particular). The femicide of Mexico. 

So many light souls being tainted with darkness that the world might come together to denounce these acts of hatred and violence. 

And I think something might happen to me. 

I've suspected it for a while now. But it's been confusing. When you draw near to Heaven and connect to divine beings and God on a regular basis it's hard to tell if they're leading you closer to Heaven on Earth, or trying to tell you that you will come home to Heaven itself soon. 

This past week clarified things a bit more. 

I kept coming across letters, documents, and poems left by past relatives. It's amazing that 60 years if life can leave nothing left behind for you to hold onto that a piece of paper. 

With my grandma Jean, since we were so close, I grabbed everything I could. I have her umbrella with her name carved into it. I have some old Chinese curio items since she had an affinity for that kind of artistry and culture. I have an old, wooden peacock carved from some foreign country. And today I found the booklet from her funeral ceremony. 

I've been looking through MY past documents these past 2 weeks. I now have childhood, high school, college, and previous jobs organized into separate boxes. I also have an art and spirituality box. I didn't realize until today why it was so important for me to get this done now. I feel like it's meant to be left for other people so they can walk through what remains of my life more easily when the time comes. 

I'm not sure when it will come. I've gotten the sense that maybe later in winter something will happen. And I don't even know if I'll die or I'll just be injured or something. 

But when I was putting my past into separate boxes there was just something about it that felt complete and Done. And I think it was meant to help me let go of the "present" and where I'm at now in life.

So today when I went to do a mediation and look at angel cards, I went strait for the Past Life deck to see what the point of this current life has been and when/how I'm going to die. 

Present life came through very easily and makes sense. 

The Arts to help me connect to "the universe" and all that there is spiritually as well as depicting it. 

The Scribe and Writer to do what I'm doing now -experience and help others understand the way life unfolds and how to recognize lessons and blessings when they're occurring. 

Trees -aka Nature - to help get me in better alignment with God and things like Trust + Faith. Trust + Faith might as well be its own category -especially over the past couple of years where I've learned that God IS in control even when it feels like I'm not. 

Then I decided to stop beating around the bush and I asked outright -How will I die? 

The first card that came up was "Biblical". Which is what I've been thinking of specifically the past couple of days now -and in all honesty the past couple years. A Martyr of some kinds for some cause. 

Then I decided to ask more specifically HOW will I be killed

I got "Authority Figures". 

That gavel may as well be an ax on an execution block. 

I'm not frightened or worried. Kind of sad. That there is even a possibility it could happen is kind of saddening. 

We throw lives away too easily in this life. We don't value one another enough. We don't see through to the souls of people. Only perceived threats and ignorant judgments. 

I know I'm meant to keep doing my artwork more than anything. For some reason the current piece that I'm working on is supposed to be especially significant. So I'll just keep living as if there were nothing to fear because right now I don't feel like I fear anything. 

It's just a quiet acceptance and a distant melancholy. 

***Update 9/25/17: I was brought more clarity an understanding around all this last night. The first thing I was reminded of is that there are clearly other things I'm meant to do in the future. I've been told this in dreams before, but was so preoccupied by the notion something bad was going to happen that I forgot how clear Heaven has been about it. Not a martyr -but a "near death experience" meant to bring me closer to Heaven so I can go forward and do what I'm intended to do. That gavel image was also brought some clarity: I'm going to jury duty next week which takes place at a Court House. Something might happen there, which is why all of this is coming up this profoundly right now. I've also been seeing a lot of "yield" signs. Not stop signs as if things are ending, but yield signs -like a pause on life. 

Monday, September 18, 2017

Spiritual Synchronicity

This world is ramping up in terms of divine things coming through. It's amazing. 

1. My car was almost out of gas, but I thought I could still make it to work and back. 2 hours in I started to get light headed and new I needed water/food to address my low blood sugar but had none. I was running on empty. Managed to make it home on next to nothing -just like my car. I knew that synchronicity was there for a reason -almost like a warning sign. 

2. Black Panther. It symbolizes not fearing the unknown but looking forward to uncovering the mystery. 

-First black panther symbol was a card I'd drawn from one of the totem animal card decks. 

-Second was an old tattoo I came across while sorting through childhood papers.

-The third was the SAME tattoo actually inked onto the arm of a man I know work under at my new part-time job in a greenhouse (like a sign it was meant to be). By the way, my discovery of the temp tattoo came just a couple days before meeting that man. 

-The fourth occurred when I realized I wanted a picture to go above my very empty sink in my kitchen. I have a stuffed panther and a stuffed tiger that are currently "on display" in my dining room-toys I had gotten as a kid that now symbolize spiritual protection. I know that's going to sound weird/confusing so here's a picture:

The panther is guarding ancient Egyptian, African, Indian, and Native American relics I have. 

I decided to go with a sun/moon and panther/tiger theme. The day I finished the sun/moon image the Solar Eclipse (sun + moon) happened. 

3. Mermaids. I've come across ton of mermaid images -not just on the internet but just walking around in life. This happened within the past week or so and I knew I was meant to start working on the Angel Mermaid image next. 

I've been trying to make my Etsy art sell. Right now it's floating around in an abyss of millions of other artwork -including successful Etsy people. It's invisible. And for the low, low cost of $40 out of my current budget I can buy into Etsy's marketing and promotion so my art is featured more prominently. One day I'll be able to afford the $400 package of really getting my artwork out there, but for now -not so much. So for some reason, this mermaid image is supposed to help address that. Or at least that's the sense that I get. We'll see. 

The winged mermaid image in itself represents being divinely light and also deeply infinite. The power of the ocean merging with the eternal vastness of the sky. 

This particular image represents a winged mermaid appreciating and recognizing a bird (which can be interpreted as her own Holy Spirit) and fixating on something she herself possess (wings/spirituality). 

4. The Dragon and The Blue Crystal. 

-The Dragon: 

I got this when I was 19 years old. I found out later it actually has a blue crystal embedded in its side (circled below). 

-The Blue Crystal: 

I got this as part of a women's empowerment group. The leader of the group was very spiritual and basically wanted positive energy from our experiences there to transfer into the crystal so we would have that with us wherever we went. 

-The New Dragon: 

Was at a consignment store I'd never visited before and when I came across it I picked it up and tried putting ti down and walking away because buying a dragon is "too random". But I couldn't. It was like I was being spiritually tugged back to it and I couldn't walk away. I knew it. I knew I was meant to have ti for some reason. Initially I thought it was the colors: Purple, Blue, Green, Gold = The upper portion of our spiritual being/chakra that I tend to resonate in most. Turns out it was a part of God's most recent kind of message getting through: "I have a plan and will have everything fall into place divinely in ways you haven't thought of. Nothing is coincidence. Everything is meant to be." 

-The Art: 

I realized these 3 different pieces were coming together. Even a "peacock stone" that had the colors green, blue, purple, and gold in it was placed in the new dragon statue (which you can sort of make out in the picture above) as if he was guarding it. 

So I decided since I was working with glitter again (made a Holy Spirit image with that material) that I wanted to make a new piece around the "Heart with Wings" image that had also been coming up a lot. 

The heart with wings is based ont he blue crystal, whic reminded me of the blue diamond "Heart of the Ocean" from the movie Titanic. Again, like the winged mermaid, means love is deep and divinely light. 

-Then on top of all this stuff coming together, found an old bookmark that had the heart with wings on it. It now hangs in my room -which also has all of these other items in it. 

5. Art coming together. 

-The Couch Pillows

This was my first indication that something was up. It's like God is my interior decorator piecing together art that I've created throughout the years. Like, "No this goes here -as do you. It all fits together beautifully". 

The pillows match the colors of the items. Because before when I got the pillows from an old bag (because they originally were my sister's) I thought, "These pillows are so random and different from one another, they'll never make sense." Then a couple weeks later when I pulled out my artwork; the artwork put them in context. 

-The Vibrant Rainbow Colors in My Kitchen

I wish the lighting was better in my kitchen. 

All of these pieces are from vastly different times in my life and yet they're all Very vibrantly rainbow colored. It all just kind of came together out of nowhere. 

-The Sun/Moon

I didn't originally notice it, but Sun/Moon comes up a lot too. For me Sun + Moon represent Yin/Yang -2 different spiritual energies merging together as one. Like the Ankh. Basically it represents God. 

-The Purple/Blue/Gold Cross 

The top of my fireplace has essentially become a spiritual alter. These 3 images were done 2 to 3 years apart each. The first was the Black Cross. I wanted a cross in my apartment but didn't know where to get one so I made one. It represents the weight and darkness of Christ's death and the ability of His spirit to come through in grace even AS the crucifixion was occurring. A lot of people focus on the fact that Jesus conquered death. Not a lot of people focus on how His spirit overcame Dying and the Pain itself. 

The second image I made was the one in the center. To be honest, still not entirely certain what it is. It's a divine being. It is Not Jesus or the Holy Spirit which I've depicted many times and always appear consistently in forms that don't look much like that one. It might be some sort of angelic being. I get the sense that it embodies Joy and Celebration.   

The third cross was made after I moved to Colorado. It represents the creativity of God coming through. Both the purple/blue and turquoise/green of the two cross have those colors present in the main central image. 

I also meditate and do angel card readings on my yoga pillow on the ground in front of it.  

My readings have gotten interesting. On the left are my "Areas f Focus" -aka things that are coming up right now that I'm meant to be mindful of that have to do with my spiritual journey and growth. Things like Learning Life Lessons (synchronicity and these signs being one of them), Extended positive spiritual energy to the places that I go, Knowing that I'm being guided, Transformation, New friendships... The center ones have more to do with "Bigger Picture Destiny". I'm ultimately meant to BE spiritual in every sense of the word, be Unique, Take in Nature/Plants (especially with my new greenhouse job), and Connect to Heaven. The ones on the right are "Characteristics to Embody". This includes Confident, Full of Faith, and being JOYFUL -which comes up a LOT.

6. My grandmother's clock. 

When I was young my grandma would tell me to sleep in this guest room at her house for "nap time". Only adults need nap time. Kids have wayyyy too much energy to nap in the middle of the day. So I would spend most of my time watching this old, white clock that she had flip over a paper number every minute. I found it entertaining, waiting for the moment when the paper would turn unexpectedly out of nowhere. I tried keeping time to figure out when it would happen, but never really could. This is also why you don't give kids naps. On the one hand I learned to draw from creativity and imagination infinitely to keep myself from getting bored. On the other hand, I think it would drive some other kids insane. 

Anyways, if I could of I would have saved that clock and kept it. It reminds me of my grandma who I was and AM very close to, though she passed away several years ago. I tried keeping the pieces of items that reminded me of her. The set of sugar and flour containers with eh birds on them. That weird wooden peacock that rested on her window. Her Asian plate set. 

Then when I was in the same consignment store on the same day I got the dragon I came across the most unique, beautiful clock I'd ever seen. It struck me. And AGAIN I went to walk away -not having much money and already committed to getting a dragon out of nowhere, but I was pulled back tot he clock. 

The clock depicts Heaven. There is a bridge leading up to a pyramid/mountain and underneath it are angels with trumpets physically twirling around. In the back is a Greek looking building on a hill. When I first got this I didn't know it was essentially a gift from my grandmother. That she specifically wanted me to have it -a way of acknowledging From Heaven that I was thinking of her and she is looking after me. 

I ended up having a dream that pretty much laid it all out clearly and I understood after that. It was another piece falling into place. 

My apartment -my new home -has been blessed by the graces of God in many forms -as well as my life. 

It's all meant to be. 

Even when things don't work out they do.