Monday, September 30, 2013

Haiku and Poetry

Last Sunday I took a Haiku class my friend was hosting. I found out a lot about writing Japanese Poems spun in an American context. I also found out I suck at writing them. 

I have a love/hate relationship with the concept of a haiku. 

Spiritually speaking I love the notion that profound, meaningful things can be said in a metaphorical sense in a short span of space.

Practically speaking, I hate the notion that not enough is able to be said when the space is too limiting and the medium does not allow enough room for the right words to be understood.

The Bible is full over poetic verses that say deep things in well placed words. 
Short lines of wisdom -like a quote.
There are also other spiritual references made from other cultures along the same lines that reiterate that point. So the goal is noble, but the form the Haiku tends to take is not necessarily conducive to this practice unless it comes naturally to you.

Things I learned about the nature of the Haiku poem:

Typically, at least in the English version, a Haiku is 3 lines. 
The first line contains 5 syllables, the second line has 7 syllables, and the third line has 5 syllables. 
Each line contains 3 seemingly un-related thoughts that tie in together in a surprising, insightful way at the end.

Line 1 starts with a concept -usually small and descriptive. 
Line 2 Is the Link between Line 1 and 3.
Line 3 brings clarity and revelation to the poem, making it a bigger picture than it was to begin with. 

The themes of most Haikus are: Universal concepts, spirituality, human nature, nature itself, peace, wisdom...
It's like Buddhism in a lot of ways. Each line paints a descriptive scene -usually involving nature- that conveys an emotion or a thought. These poems don't rhyme, but can have words that flow smoothly together. Often drawing from personal experience, these poems give insight into deeper, greater experiences. 

I'm a very conceptual person, so for me it was easy coming up with a theme, bigger idea, notion, and experience. But it wasn't easy for me to convey it emotionally or vividly in a metaphorical way. I started by just listing out my main points -split in 3 sections (representing Lines 1, 2, and 3). Each "Line" subject head then had a list of thoughts associated with that subject. I was just jotting down thoughts that were coming to me. 

My first Haiku was going to be about "Calling" -like you're life's purpose. Something everyone has AND everyone struggles with. Here were my notes:

Calling (Line 1)

Life Gets in the Way (Line 2)
Traded Away
Stolen by Giving What Isn't
Spread Too Thin
What's left
Lost self 

Finds Its Way (Line 3)
Seeps in/out
Returns to shore
Found in giving
Given by taking
Time in doing
Time in being
Peace in finding
Truth in knowing

In terms of metaphors that came to me to articulate what I was feeling and trying to express, I got:

1. Baking Food
Starts out with dough (the given, like the calling, can't be changed). Intended to be baked for one thing, but the ingredients are handed over and used to make something else. Supporting someone else's masterpiece dish instead of embodying one of your own. Being spread too thin like dough. Yet somehow the taste comes out the same. Like no matter how many ways you are seemingly "removed" from your calling, it is so much a part of who you are that it still manages to come out. 

2. Answering a Call 
My shot at the Haiku itself went thusly: 

"Inner Voice You Hear,
The Call is Put on Hold,
It Still Speaks Through Your Soul" 

Not bad, but kind of made it in about 60 seconds, so it could be better. 

Did not develop this very thoroughly, just liked the notion since mirrors reflect truth. 

4. The Ocean
Because waves have their own nature and eventually find their way back to shore. It was a "naturey" a metaphor as I could come to. 

The next Haiku I wanted to start was also similar in theme. 

Found in Being Lost (Line 1)
At Peace

Stagnate (Line 2)
Lost light 
Faked/ Counterfeit Fate 
No lying to Truth
No finding when Lost
Trying only

Accept (Line 3)
It is
So let it be
Just do
Give is the only way
All you can do
Is be

This Haiku didn't get any further than this.
My friend was also kind enough to hand us out a sheet of columns and tables to collect words that we liked the sound of. The first column of rows was for 1 syllable words, then2, then 3, then 4, and then 5+ syllables.

Words I collected during this session were sort of telling in some ways...


Anyways, it was an interesting session. I'd like to make poems, I don't think they will be Haiku-style though.

Friday, September 27, 2013


I had a breakthrough last night. 

Of course part of the break through was in the breaking of my emotions internally. Not sure if it was just hormones or deep feelings of wallowing that hadn't been contended with, but as I listened to music I just kind of opened up emotionally, alone in my bed. 

It seemed like at some point I became kind of empowered by it though. Like I was tapping into a part of myself that was normally walled-off and I felt my energy pick up. I started breathing in deeply and as I did I got this weird sense that things were expanding around me and giving me more space. At night, especially under my sheets, I normally feel kind of confined and constricted so this was a new experience for me. It sounds weird. It was weird.

Then  a little later I started to feel "the presence" come in and start infringing around me. I hate ghosts. But I felt so strong and secure internally in a spiritual way that I just started breathing in again and going back to that space where everything gave space around me and the "presence" felt like it was being pushed away. I think I actually managed to ward off the ghost with my own spiritual energy.

I'm a little uncertain about how I could make this happen again without tapping into my wallowing, but it seems like that portion of things just opened the door, not sustained it. At some point, feeling the emotional pain distracted me from the strength and empowerment of my own energy and brought it down. So I had to open up emotionally -which started with sadness- but then overcome it so my energy wouldn't be brought down once I tapped into it. It wasn't an exact science, but I am glad it worked. 

Update: I've finally got it down to a sort-of science. You lift your chest up. Breathe in deeply and push your chest upward -not too extreme, but just enough until you feel like a wave of your energy is going out. You can tell when it's working because you'll feel like you've got more space around you. You won't feel "weighed in on". 

Thursday, September 26, 2013


Footsteps = Christianity 
Celtic Flower* = Spirituality
Pisces Symbol = Me :)

*My friend Chelsie actually made that for me to put in my car. Clever and artsy.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Facebook Post About Religion #92835937589327623...

Post itself says:  








(27,000 people like this post. 120,000 share it.) 

My mom also re-posts and says: "Makes me sick"

I say: "Technically Allah is another name for God. Kind of like Yaweh, Lord, Father, and so on..."

Mom: "But it says NO GOD thats the part that pisses me off."

Me: "It could be someone pushing for their religion over others. Or it could be like that phrase: No God But God. Like saying there's no other gods."

Mom: "I think that's exactly it..someone pushing for their religion over others and ALLAH is a god for muslims and they have no problems killing people here in our country. So if their "GOD" allows that my doesn't so i'm still against it!"

Mom's Friend: "That's Just Wrong!"

One day I will educate my mom on the Islamic religion -of which she honestly knows nothing. I could ask her what the basic fundamental beliefs are of that religion and she would have to draw a blank. How can you assume to know anything about a religion/group of people/stereotype if you simultaneously know nothing about it? 

Personally I think if a person is posting "No God but Allah" that kind of implies they believe in God. So the argument that you hate the statement because the first two words start out by saying "No God" then you could just as easily say you the phrase "No Pain, No Gain" because the two end words are "No Gain". 

What if someone had written in red ink "No God but Yaweh" or "No God but Christ". Would that have been called an offensive attack?

I HATE Ghosts...

So it continues. 

It seems like the ghost keeps messing with me whenever I turn my face to the wall and my back to the door. 
It felt like it was slowly moving its finger up my back and I actually ended up shaking the way you do when something randomly brushes against you. 

I'm sort of losing sleep because of this crap. It's getting annoying/frightening. I just kind of want to know who it is and what he/she/it wants. Things turn violent I'm going all in. I will get a clergy in there if I have to.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Ghost Visit Again

So last night started off the same as the night before. Then a little after 10:30pm I dosed off.

Nothing happened during the night. Then I woke up around 5am. Then things began again. I noticed a pushing force poking into my back in between my shoulder blades. It kept pushing -like a finger pushing in. But it was still that numbing/hazy feeling. 

I kept tossing and turning to get it to stop. Then it felt like a finger was poking the right side of my temple.

Honestly it was like the ghost was testing to see the impact it could have on me physically and whether or not I would react or anything. I hate this ghost. 

The only thing that really helped me get through it was picturing this guy I know. He's like a light. You'd think picturing Jesus would be the way to go to help you mentally/spiritually overcome this, but not really. So the guy I decided to picture has a wife and 2 daughters and he's doing great in his career. He's just really friendly and accepting. I just tried imagining how he would handle the situation and I knew he wouldn't be frightened. He's very assured and calm. Visualizing him helped me, knowing that if he could handle this so could I.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Post Ghost

Well a slight pattern had emerged from the time I got the scratches until now. 

Not much. Mostly just lying in bed, hearing random noises, feeling a presence in the room followed my own sense of anxiety/tension because of sensing it. Then sleep. 

It was mostly just annoying and then easily brushed off a couple of nights when I was upbeat and could care less about the ghost. Then last night things got weird again...

Lying in bed. Sometime after 9pm. Laying on my side. Mind annoyingly wide awake. I felt a "presence". Not like the usual sense of someone standing near my bedside. This presence was a metaphysical one -one you could actually "experience" in almost a physical way. I tried to understand it as it was happening -and keep as calm as I could without overreacting/ while simultaneously marking my boundaries and knowing when to shrug it off when it became too intense for me to handle. 

I decided the sensation I was having was like feeling different parts of your skin go numb. It began around my legs and felt like a light blanket of numbness was moving up and down my leg slightly. Then it spread and moved towards my back. It felt in total like someone was laying beside me, almost on top of me, and they were slowly rubbing in a subtle way up and down my back. I shook it off and became made my physicality come to the forefront. I shifted to face the other way in bed. 

Then again about 5 minutes later as I was laying strait, head facing the ceiling, it again felt like a blanket started to fall over me. A strange, numbing "presence" that made my heart start to pound and my soul kick-in. I got the sense that whatever it was was lying on top of me. No real weight or force to it. My mind split in two: Either this is a nice female ghost that's just lonely or this is a creepy guy ghost that doesn't understand boundaries. Either way there's got to be a better way of making contact with a living person that doesn't freak them out. I shook it off and turned again. 

It happened one last time. I shook it off and eventually went to sleep without any further issues. 

This stuff used to happen around 3pm at night. For some reason these interactions have been occurring between 8-10pm, before I go to sleep. I'm going to talk to my sister and see if she's had any similar experiences.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

RE: Ghost Experience -My Sister's Response

Ok so last night sucked in the beginning. I was getting ready to go to bed and was checking myself in the mirror to make sure there were no scratches to be found when what should my eyes come across but a Scratch on my lower back. One inch long. Small. Scratch. 

Don't know how I got it and to be honest it was so random at the time that I decided it "didn't count" if the ghost had in fact made it. Scratch that scratch from the records.

Then I kept feeling the presence in my room -which SUCKS!!! 
It reminded me of when I was young and you feel kind of helpless because there isn't much you can do and you debate whether you're just being paranoid or not only to realize you're not. It was only after I fell asleep and woke up that I decided I didn't give a damn whether the ghost was there or not. When you're too tired to care, ghosts don't matter. But to initially fall asleep became a burdensome chore because I didn't feel safe and I was too alert. 

So today I decided to text my sister Emily since she and I experienced most of the ghost-related activity growing up. Our mom's house is haunted so the ghost would usually bug my sister and I since we were the most quiet and submissive members of our family.

Not really knowing much about any recent experiences my sister may have had I reached out to text her what had recently happened to me. Her responses: 

"Got scratched not that long ago so they are probably angry."

"So what kinds of things are happening to you?"

"You got scratches too? Wonder what has the ghosts so rowdy." 

"I got mine on my back and side. There is one ghost that follows me sometimes, or at least I think it's the same one. It growls at people and when I was at Sarah's (our step-sister) it growled and poked Thomas (Sarah's husband) in the back. I think it might be here (our aunt's house where Emily is currently staying) setting off the alarm. 

"The alarm was saying that the door was open but none of them were. But the smoke detector was going off so the alarm went off just now. Bad batteries in the smoke detector. But the door ajar thing for the alarm was weird." 

"I feel like crying. Not feeling particularly sad, but I do feel like crying."  

(After sending her the picture of my scratches) "Those are closer together than mine were. I had 3 long lines down my back."

"Yeah I was not sure if I did something to myself so went over everything. I even tried scratching myself to compare marks and mine turned out different."

"I was getting out of the shower. You know when you run water over a wound it is supposed to hurt? I didn't feel anything until I was out of the shower and I am pretty sure I didn't have the markings going in."

I told my sister she needs to start documenting the activity so we can compare notes and gather "proof". Need to figure this crap out. It's like a couple years of activity followed by a couple years of nothing followed by a couple years of activity again. I don't want this stuff starting up again...  

The only good thing is you really get to see what you're made of spiritually. You have to feel your own space and fill it so it doesn't get imposed upon or taken over by an external entity. You have to say: "This is my soul, this is my space. F*ck off." Listening to music helps. No one can mess with you if you're listening to Green Day. 

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Ghost Experience?

I was going to blog about a recent spiritual experience I had but then I decided not to just because it wasn't that impressive/important. Now it is. 

Last week I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep. Around 10pm or 11pm I suddenly felt my "soul" kick in. It's kind of like listening, but you're not tuning-in to physically hear anything in particular. My body goes numb -in that I slowly lose the sensation of feeling it. I have a foot, but I can't feel my foot. I feel like one connected unit of energy. It's weird. 

So initially, since this wasn't my first experience with my soul kicking-in I just thought, "OK I'll just go with this and let this happen." Then a couple minutes later I became aware that there were strange noises coming from the living room. First the TV made a sound like somebody had tapped the screen with their finger. Then there were noises from the kitchen that started. Not loud banging sounds or anything. Just little clicks and noises. So I thought, "OK. That's not usual. But if it is a ghost then they can just hangout in the kitchen and make themselves a sandwich I don't care."

Then a couple minutes later I felt what I presumed to be a presence. I wasn't particularly happy about it and certainly didn't want to make contact with it, so I just rolled over and tried to ignore it like I had done in the past. Then there was a strange rumbling sound that started. At first I thought it was a car that someone had turned on down the street that was parked, but humming. But I couldn't tell where it was coming from -or if it was coming from outside. So I opened my window figuring that if it was outside the noise would get louder if I opened the window. Nope. Stayed the same. I got the sense that it wasn't car-related. It never really stopped it just kind of faded. It frightened me though -as did the presence which seemed more unrelenting than it had in the past. 

I then had weird nightmares about being in my apartment and having a ghost try to speak to me and smother me in bed. 

Fast forward to last night. I'm lying in bed at 9:45pm. I wasn't really sensing anything at the time, just off in my head hoping thinking about all the stuff that I needed to do the next day. Then all of the sudden it felt like a spider bit my leg -to the extent that I actually lifted up the sheets and felt around for it. Paranoid, I got up and pulled back the covers completely -finding nothing there.

But there was nothing there. Thinking I might have been mistaken by what I felt, I went to the bathroom and checked out my leg in the light close up. I was expecting a spider bite -a single spot that was somewhat swollen. Instead I found these scratch marks: 

I was confused because the burning was incessant and obviously didn't occur anytime prior during the day. And I don't have a cat. And my nails are filed down below my finger tips (ok so I actually bite them from time to time, whatever). And there was nothing that sharp to scratch me in bed. What the hell?

Logically I was stumped. It made sense ghost-wise in some ways, but I really didn't want THAT to be the reason. So I went back to bed and checked the scratches again this morning. Still kind of stumped. Mostly just hoping that it has nothing to do with the ghost.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Mentoring Program Training

2 day mentoring training. Saturday and Sunday. 9am-4pm. It was intense.

20 trainee mentors sat in a circle and learned different techniques for relating to at-risk youth and handling life.

We were not allowed to take notes -this was purely experiential. Like life. Everything occurred on a first-hand basis.

The lessons we learned were:

1. Do not carry your past/opinions/pre-conceived notions into your present.

2. Be objective -not reactive/subjective. Do not mistake facts with interpretations/opinions/judgments.

3. Know when you are moving further from your goals (Winning at Losing)

4. Be open to trying new things

5. Realize that your reaction does not have to become an action. Respond by pausing and deciding what action will help you reach your goal. Don't become a victim of your circumstances.

6. Relate/Build a connection, Foster Trust, Keep your mentee focused on their goals

7. Take responsibility when you make a mistake/break a promise

Friday, September 13, 2013

Credit Score and a Cracked Windshield

Recent miscellaneous updates:

Credit Score:
I went to Oakdale to visit with my mom and try to once again get AT&T to transfer me off of her family-plan account to an account of my own. Didn't go well. Right now, on her family plan she pays $40 a month for me. For me to have my own plan it would cost me $70 a month. Which is fine, I'm cool either way -giving my mom $40 towards the bill or paying the bill myself at $70. 

But then they checked my Credit Score and found I didn't have one. I've never had Credit Cards. Everyone I know who has them complains of the DEBT they get into. I'm with Jesus -don't take loaned-out money from people, it makes you their slave. Pay with what you have. So being wise, I just pay out of my checking account with what I make. But now if I want to set up ANY sort of account, I either have to pay an upfront $500 deposit or work on my Credit Score for the next 6 months. Why am I being financially punished for being financially responsible? 

"We don't know that we can trust you if you don't have a Credit Score we can check..." Yah because people never set up accounts and then go over their spending limit on the credit cards you trust them with having. Wouldn't you be LESS prone to trusting someone who pays with money they are being loaned versus someone who is paying with money they actually have? Ask me for a Bank Statement. Ask me for my Bank records. 

How is it I make Auto Insurance payments, PG+E payments, Rent for My Apartment payments, I buy my own Clothes and Household Items, and have a full-time job, but God forbid I want my own account set up for my phone. I can't be trusted. 

The solution that my dad suggested to me was to get a Gas Station Card so I pay using that, instead of my Debit card, and it is seen as a Credit Card so I rack up points on that and continue paying it off for the next 6 months and I should be good to go. 

Cracked Windshield: 
I was stopped behind another car in front of a stoplight that was red. I looked over and saw a black guy with dread locks and a gray sweater weaving his bike towards the street I was on. I noticed he wasn't exactly biking in the crosswalk lane and instead seemed to be far more out towards the intersection. 

My thoughts were elsewhere and I mostly just subconsciously acknowledged him. Then I noticed it seemed he was coming pretty close to my car -away from the sidewalk completely and far more into the street itself. I figured he was more a jay-walker-biker and again didn't care much until... BAM!!!

Without breaking at all going about 15 mph he SLAMS!!! into the right front side of my windshield. Holy sh*t! He moves back from my car and I immediately think: "OK my door is locked on that side so he can't open it or anything if he's a bad guy." He went to back up onto his bike again, but then suddenly SLAMMED! his head back into the windshield as if to fist bump the glass with his skull. Then he got back to his bike and started backing up and then I noticed he still has his earbuds in his ears and he was smiling like a dope from ear to ear. It was like he had just high-fived someone at a basketball game and was just hanging with his friends. 

Then he turned his bike towards the car in front of me and went up to the front right side of that car and again SLAMMED his head into their side window. Then he turned his bike and started peddling down the crosswalk to the left.

I kept pretty calm throughout the whole thing, but it was clear to me that he was definitely on drugs. I once saw a fox with rabies. It weaved back and forth as it walked right in front of our car as if it wasn't even there. To is almost being hit by a car completely and to be so out-of-it, you could tell there was something wrong with the fox.

Don't do drugs. It's like giving yourself rabies and simultaneously expecting to function normally.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Is the News For or Against People

According to one news posting they are riding Against Muslims and according to The Times they are riding In Support Of Muslims. I guess it's whatever direction the media chooses to spin it.
The media did -it just wasn't clear.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Mathew 8

Mathew 8:1-4
Jesus Heals a Man with Leprosy
1 Large crowds followed Jesus as He came down the mountainside.
2 Suddenly, a man with leprosy approached Him and knelt before Him. "Lord," the man said, "if you are willing, You can heal me and make me clean."
3 Jesus reached out and touched him. "I am willing," He said. "Be healed!" And instantly the leprosy disappeared.
4 Then Jesus said to him, "Don't tell anyone about this. Instead go to the priest and let him examine you. Take the offering required in the law of Moses for those who have been healed of leprosy. This will be a public testimony that you have been cleansed."

Mathew 8:5-13
The Faith of the Roman Officer
5 When Jesus returned to Capernaum, a Roman officer came and pleaded with Him,
6 "Lord, my young servant lies in bed, paralyzed and in terrible pain."
7 Jesus said, "I will come and heal him."
8 But the officer said, "Lord, I am not worthy to have You come into my home. Just say the word from where You are, and my servant will be healed.
9 I know this because I am under the authority of my superior officers, and I have authority over my soldiers. I only need to say, 'Go', and they go, or 'Come', and they come. And if I say to my slaves, 'Do this', they do it."
10 When Jesus heard this, He was amazed. Turning to those who were following Him, He said, "I tell you the truth, I haven't seen faith like this in all Israel!
11 And I tell you this, that many Gentiles will come from all over the world -from east and west- and sit down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob at the feast in the Kingdom of Heaven.
12 But many Israelites -those from whom the Kingdom was prepared -will be thrown into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."
13 Then Jesus said to the Roman officer, "Go back home. Because you believed, it has happened." And the young servant was healed that same hour.

My Thoughts: I was just as surprised when I heard what the Roman officer said. People who truly follow and look to others as leaders who look to God as their leader with that kind of dedication and faith know God can do anything -and then He does. It was also surprising because it was still pretty early on when Jesus first began wandering around, and this man did show a great deal of not just faith, but follow-through and understanding. "Because you believed, it has happened."

Mathew 8:14-17
Jesus Heals Many People
14 When Jesus arrived at Peter's house, Peter's mother-in-law was sick in bed with a high fever.
15 But when Jesus touched her hand, the fever left her. Then she got up and prepared a meal for Him.
16 That evening many demon-possessed people were brought to Jesus. He cast out the evil spirits with a simple command, and He healed all the sick.
17 This fulfilled the word of the Lord through the prophet Isaiah, who said,
"He took our sickness
and removed our diseases."

My Thoughts: I'm starting to see a pattern of Jesus' activities. Before He was baptizing. Then He was preaching. Now He's healing. It's like things go in waves. One set of tasks followed by another.

Mathew 8:18-22
The Cost of Following Jesus
18 When Jesus saw the crowd around Him, He instructed His disciples to cross to the other side of the lake.
19 Then one of the teachers of religious law said to Him, "Teacher, I will follow You wherever You go."
20 But Jesus replied, "Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man (Jesus) has no place even to lay His head."
21 Another of His disciples said, "Lord, first let me return home and bury my father."
22 But Jesus told him, "Follow me now. Let the spiritually dead bury their own dead."

My Thoughts: So a guy wanted said he would follow Jesus wherever He traveled and Jesus basically told him that there was no place for Him to stop and rest -that it was an endless life of travel and work. Basically warning him of the dedication and lifestyle that was required to follow Him. Then one of His disciples said I want to bury my father and Jesus told him to let those who have chosen not live a spiritual life deal with their own problems after death. You make the bed you lay in. Technically if a person has their soul in the right place -with God- then when they die their soul will ascend naturally on its own and nobody needs to help the soul cross over or pray over the dead body that remains.

Mathew 8:23-27
Jesus Calms the Storm
23 Then Jesus got into the boat and started across the lake with His disciples.
24 Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping.
25 The disciples went and woke Him up, shouting, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!"
26 Jesus responded, "Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!" Then He got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm.
27 The disciples were amazed. "Who is this man?" they asked. "Even the winds and waves obey Him!"

My Thoughts: I thin Jesus would have been less upset if they had calmly woken Him up and said, "Just for the record there's a storm destroying our ship." What He got angry with was their fear of death -despite their knowing that God would ultimately take care of their souls. And even after He calmed the waves, the disciples still could not believe how He had managed to do it because they doubted the extent of His power.

Mathew 8:28-34
Jesus Heals Two Demon-Possessed Men
28 When Jesus arrived on the other side of the lake, in the region of Gadarenes, two men who were possessed by demons met Him. They lived in a cemetery and were so violent that no one could go through that area.
29 They began screaming at Him, "Why are You interfering with us, Son of God? Have you come here to torture us before God's appointed time?"
30 There happened to be a large herd of pigs feeding in the distance.
31 So the demons begged, "If you cast us out, send us into that herd of pigs."
32 "Alright, go!" Jesus commanded them. So the demons came out of the men and entered the pigs, and the whole herd plunged down the steep hillside into the lake and drowned in water.
33 The herdsmen fled to the nearby town, telling everyone what happened to the demon-possessed men.
34 Then the entire town came out to meet Jesus, but they begged Him to go away and leave them alone.

My Thoughts: It figures that the demons would be hanging out in a cemetery. What I'm confused about was whether the demons -once they were in the pigs- purposely fell down the hillside, accidentally fell down the hillside, or Jesus pushed them down the hillside. And then after all that the town asked Jesus to leave. He got rid of two violent, demon-possessed men and they ask Him to leave. Figures.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

I'm Better Now

I'm cured!

I'd like to take this time to thank the medicinal products that helped get me here:

Dear Zicam Chewable Orange-Flavored Tablets: You rule.

Dear Nyquil (Vicks Flavored): Though it was not your best flavor and you were disgusting to swallow, you knocked me out and helped me sleep soundly through the night.

Dear Tylenol-Asprin-Ibprofen-Whatever-PM: You sort of helped -in that my headache went away. I did not fall asleep quickly.

Dear BoosterC 300: You were great while you lasted with your lemonade flavor packets -but they ran out.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Too Weak

A poem because I'm sick and have been watching too much of Button Poetry lately:

"Sometimes I cry when I cough.
Too weak to hold back the tears.
Too weak to pretend I'm not aching.
Too weak to pretend the fever isn't breaking... me.
Too weak to pretend I'm not tired.
Too weak to pretend my eyes aren't strained.
Too weak to pretend nothing is wrong.
Too weak to pretend everything is fine.
Too weak to pretend I'm not weak."

Uncovering Truth

What is it? Because people have debated over it for a while now. I've decided to put them into categories -because I'm a woman and that's what we do #Truth.

1. "Your" Truth

In a speech I give the person evaluating it then stands up and says, "I don't think you're voice projected loudly enough because I could not hear you that well during parts of it. It would be better if you spoke louder next time."

The rest of the room is confused considering they heard the speech just fine. But it is also common knowledge to most people in the room that the evaluator has issues with being partially deaf. It was therefore TRUE that I was not speaking loud enough for him, even though the rest of the room would have considered that statement NOT to be TRUE for themselves individually.

2. The Truth

"The open I am currently holding in my hand is.... BLUE!!!!" -Jim Carrey, Liar, Liar

That man had what is socially known as an "affair". He "cheated" on his wife. He slept with another woman. You can pretend like it didn't happen and you can LIE and say it never occurred, but it is the TRUTH, a FACT, that it happened.

3. Greater Truth

What is the meaning of life? "The meaning of life is to do as you are told and don't complain about it". NO, that is YOUR truth. "The Truth" is that nobody knows for certain because it is a "Greater Truth" and is therefore harder to find, discern, define, and pin down.

The Truth in Action:

My Truth: I don't like Len. Len says the Zodiac Signs are "controversial" and would probably say the same for things like gay rights and discussing things like religion/spirituality. They are "messy" topics with no clear "right or wrong" and since their could be debate involved better to say NAY and avoid such topics because they make people feel uncomfortable and they are "controversial".

The Truth:

Why does Len act the way he does? He is mentally-oriented and therefore likes things that are defined, clear, and easy to explain. He does not like things that are harder to discuss and usually lead to illogical feelings and personal sentiments. Len never shares things about "Feelings" unless it is happiness/joy/amusement. Len doesn't share feelings. Len fears feelings. The loss of control. The loss of sensibility. "Giving into" anger and sadness. He'd rather stand "strong".

Why don't I like Len? I am more spiritual/emotional. I can be rational, but get defensive when people insult or cast aside spiritual/emotional things. I see Truth in feelings and acknowledge that some subjects are worth mucking through the dirt for. sometimes life gets messy and I've seen too many messes in dysfunctional families, the rape of friends and family members, and yelling and screaming and secrets and pain. I acknowledge THE TRUTH -even when it's painful to. And those who would rather avoid it and sweep it under a rug or pretend like it isn't there frighten me. What kind of darkness are they hiding?

Len bothers me because he is "closed-minded". He doesn't leave room to discuss things that fall "outside of the box". I acknowledge this as The Truth and not MY Truth because I would prefer The Truth to be that we get along just fine and the things he says don't bother me. But that would be a lie.

Greater Truth:

Len can be a great sounding board. To see what topics I can discuss and to what extent I can persuade a listener to understand The Truth -even if it was not initially Their Truth. I can share what I have discovered and learned from life and help others do the same even if they do not initially agree with me. It's not about being right all the time, it's about saying and doing what is right. Let others decide for themselves with Truths they will adopt as their own.