I've been collecting epiphanies in my journal for the past week. My desire to write in general has definitely picked up.
Since these thoughts occurred at different times throughout the week, they might seem random and unrelated, but here goes:
Princess Diana + The British Monarchy: What is There to Learn?
First off, wayyyyy too much. I watched a documentary on Netflix about the history of the British royals going back to the early 1900s. If you ever want to true sense for WHO the Queen is -since now she mostly just seems a cold, distant figure to a young generation unfamiliar with her past: Look to her in the early days when she was 20-something. That was HER.
1. Lessons from Diana
In short, she was a symbol. The way Beyonce has come to represent more than just a single life lived for itself. Diana was the feminine divine come to breathe new life into old bones. She shined. She was also a 19 year old who married too young into an establishment that consisted of more than just matrimony. She had an eating disorder and emotional issues. She was human.
I will forever be grateful for who she was in the Nonprofit community. You can say it was a publicity stunt: NO ONE was there for victims of AIDs at that time -let alone a celebrity/government official. NO ONE was there for the LGBT community. These organizations and causes she affiliated with broke the mold by showing the humanity behind the people others wanted to ignore and leave abandoned. That's not seeking out the limelight that's using your light to shine a light on Truth. On people. That's everything.
The palace wanted her to dull it down -up until then they mostly supported pedigree dog breeding "nonprofits". She basically said, "I'll start supporting animal causes when we run out of people." There was compassion there. Period.
Beyond that she was transparent. Why people resent transparency -especially when others are being forced to suffer in silence -I don't know. Transparency and ruling parties should go hand in hand inherently. She was honest.
So if nothing else you have that. And I think it's a ton. I wish more people could live that way. And I think she did inspire other celebrities to know that they could use their influence for that kind of good.
2. Lessons from the Queen
When you look at Diana, a lot of times it's Hero v. Villain. Either you love the Queen and say disturbing sh*t like, "the crash was a solution to Diana being a problem..." or you loathe the Queen and say she ruined Diana's life. But there's a Tale of 2 Women here.
The Queen has had to push back and establish her legitimacy as a Woman in a leadership position for DECADES. My favorite Queen moment was the way she handled the "leader" of Saudi Arabia.
In Saudi Arabia women weren't allowed to drive cars and in general are treated horribly there. The Queen PICKED that guy up in her car and rove around with him while discussing diplomatic topics. And not just in a Lexus car, but her Hummer-like truck. Did she contribute to Saudi Arabia's recent lift on the ban of women driving? I'd like to think she did. When the Queen of England is that forward with addressing your policies head on, it's hard to argue.
So the Queen has had her own breakout moments. She was also raised to believe that you serve the Crown above yourself. For me, that's a mistaken belief. You are allowed to be your own person AND be a leader. And you're not intended to serve an institution, but first and foremost your PEOPLE. People don't need you to be cold and distant and authoritarian to serve them. They need you to be Real and be HUMAN. But I think she was born too early and raised too long with the opposite mentality to grasp that one.
3. Lessons from Charles
Most people don't like Charles because he knew he loved Camilla and cheated on Diana with her. On top of that he was kind of a womanizer when he was younger. But thanks to the documentary I can now appreciate some things about him I didn't know before.
When he was a newly crowned prince of 30-something, he had a vision for changing the monarchy. He wanted to help people in poverty in particular. He wanted to contribute to Britain and its people through various initiatives and even went into impoverished areas to meet with people. He didn't want his legacy to be hiding behind a crown and not doing much of anything.
Unfortunately he's never gotten the chance to reign and as decades passed I think he conceded to the palace's chiding. It's insane that the monarchy was against him making those appearances. They warned him to stop doing it. So now even if he's crowned I don't think much would come of it.
4. The Monarchy Itself
It's simple: REAL Power and change comes from the PEOPLE. The crown doesn't really serve people -Diana + Charles tried at various points and were slapped on the wrist for it. And so, since it isn't OF the people it has no real power. It's a figurehead position. I appreciate the fact that they knighted Sir Elton John though.
Unrelated Thoughts: _________________________________________________
What's Left Here In This Life That's Worthwhile?
I'm not afraid to ask.
People always assume you;re suicidal when you contemplate those sorts of questions. But it has nothing to do with wanting death and everything to do with wanting LIFE.
We get jaded and we feel like we've been here, seen this, done that, and what's more it all now? The rise and fall of a million empires and government abuses and tortures and families and adventures... What is there to do that is of meaning now?
1. God. God is my reminder of the Unknown Good. The infinite that can't be fathomed. The depth of what there is that hasn't been fully understood or realized.
2. Art. I'm constantly amazed, inspired, and memorized by ALL of the art I come across. So many unique expressions of beauty that inspire me to make more of my own. It's everlasting. It wakes me up to unexpected possibilities that are out there.
3. Nature. Every other day I discover an animal that I didn't know even existed. I saw an aardvark for the first time on Instagram. I had heard of it, but had no idea what it looked like. Orcas ease my soul. There's a guy in Russia who has a pet cougar. It's adorable. I constantly hope that guy doesn't get eaten.
4. Fated Spiritual Connections with People. It's like God telling you, "This was planned, worry for nothing, I'm here for you -including through this person."
5. Freedom. I want to be FREE. It's going to happen in this life. I'm determined to achieve it. Free from worry, blame, judgment, pain, confusion, doubt, and debt. I've been too distracted by "surviving" these past couple years. Survival doesn't allow you to LIVE.
What is going to mean something now and for the next 100+ years? What do you do with your time that lasts beyond time?
God is Home.
Heaven is eternal.
Facilitate that here and bring it through. Found Heaven here. Pave the way.
A Soul FIRST
I'm a soul first and an artist second. If there's another lesson to be learned from Diana it's this: You get DEFINED in this life, but are rarely SEEN/UNDERSTOOD as a soul. She was a "this" and a "that". People like her people don't. And what gets lost behind Mother? And Princess? And Wife? And even Compassionate Humanitarian? WHO is the soul beyond the profession? We are always MORE.
The Kickback
This occurred to me for some reason that was related to someone I knew. Hard to remember the specifics, but it basically occurred to me that throughout my life I've been "kicked out". I was sort of kicked out of my job in California (it was diminished to a lesser position I had no passion for). Crazy stuff at my mom's house led me to make the leap and move out to Colorado with my dad and stepmom. And most recently I experienced what felt like my greenhouse job trying to kick me out every way imaginable.
And I realized: I was praying and bringing God through as much as humanly possible to ALL of those places. And I had been making headway -in some cases without even full realizing it until after. Hell sometimes tries to kick you out of situations you're spiritually meant to be in. When God wants you to be moved and decides your path is better served elsewhere, you'll be kicked out. When God wants you to stay put, you'll make it through and withstand.
And then the bigger epiphany hit: What if you grow beyond a person, a job, or a place? What if it's the WORLD you start to make headway in? I know some spiritual people that aim for the world as a whole. What does the kickback look like then? Historically: Not good. Death mostly. Martyrdom. Torture. Persecution. Not good outcomes... You do good spiritual work in this life, Hell will try to kick you out of it.
Tree Limb Shaken
To go in hand with the "kickback" understanding there is also the "tree limb shaking" phenomenon that's actually happening a lot right now. If someone or something is not meant to be in your life things will get "shaken up" -unexpected things will happen, scheduling conflicts, delays, and so on -and they will be moved out. They're just gone. You can try being resistant to it, but it happens. What's meant to stick around, does.
Zodiac Sign Goal
The ultimate goal of Self in any regard is to move beyond Self. For Buddhists it's moving beyond Ego. For Christians it's moving out of the way for God to come through. For the Zodiac, I maintain it's learning who you are and then growing beyond your own limitations, blueprint origins, and planetary influences. To be MORE than just a "sign".
I was born a Pisces, but that's not ME. "ME" isn't even me. Earth is like Las Vegas, what happens in this life dies with your body and you grow beyond it in Heaven inevitably.
Whispers Through Time
There is a better understanding coming through now that there have been people that weren't blind in their own age. There was a French woman in 1793 in France who wanted: Black people to have equal rights, a public health system to be established, women to have equal rights, and end to regimes/dictatorships, a better economy that led to less poverty... In essence she was Bernie Sanders. She was also killed for her thoughts.
Robinson Jeffers. Henry A. Wallace. Emanuel Swedenborg.
There haven't been many, but there were definitely some.
They knew things.
They didn't hide behind the excuse of, "Well back then we didn't know..." as if human empathy weren't inherent to the soul.
They KNEW.
Consequently they were also very spiritually-inclined individuals.
Truth always arrives first in Soul. It is the truth of who we are. From there, the connection to God and understandings of life flow.
But all of those people kept the candle lit and past on the flame to those who needed some illumination in times that followed. And there's enough light around for us to look back and see that now clearly.
Sunday, April 28, 2019
Thursday, April 25, 2019
Skipping Out Early
I was in my high school Economics class. I made the same mistake of thinking, "Well at least I'll learn about taxes and that will be helpful" -which every student makes until you grow up to realize the government wants you to be charged to figure out how much you owe because those businesses pay politicians who then prevent easier tax forms being made. Anyways...
After a semester of elementary school level homework assignments and concepts being taught, I was given a final project and lumped in a group with 3 other people: 2 boys I didn't know who were constantly stoned and Elisha who I sort of knew and got along with.
The assignment was easy -each of us track the rise and fall of a stock that we chose (we went with Target, Apple, and some other trendy companies). Elisha and I ended up doing the whole thing -the boys couldn't keep up.
So after I compile the information, graph each stock on a chart, and put it together neatly in a folder -a week later the teacher (who was a substitute/teacher-in-training) says, "You guys turned that folder in right? I think I list it at my house..."
And I was like, "So............" because I then had to fathom get an F or a 0 an a fairly easy assignment I had mastered. Never heard back on the folder situation -and never got it returned to us.
For the final exam he says, "If you got an 'A' on the assignment, you can fill out this easy questionaire that only has 10 questions on it (ex. "What color is the sky?")
He comes up to me and says, "So did you get an A?" He doesn't even know.
I say, "Yup." with a DEEP sense of certainty.
He hands me the 10 questions and I pass the class with an A.
And that's where we're at right now. We've put up with a lot of crap that either didn't make sense logically, ethically, or spiritually. Nothing good. Nothing meaningful or intended for. Just distraction. Distraction from ourselves -God -EVERYTHING Good.
And now we're being asked, "Do you keep buying into that system of delusion?" Do you want to continue on with the family drama, the judgments of others, the frustration of politics, the incalculable pains of the world -including ones you know you don't know of, and everything else.
Do you want to heal, forgive, make peace with, hand over to God, let go of, be released from, be liberated by, transformed into, transcend beyond, live as if, and so on?
We can skip the test. We can pass the test by passing by the test and saying, "Yah, I've learned that one and now I'm moving on and Beyond it."
After a semester of elementary school level homework assignments and concepts being taught, I was given a final project and lumped in a group with 3 other people: 2 boys I didn't know who were constantly stoned and Elisha who I sort of knew and got along with.
The assignment was easy -each of us track the rise and fall of a stock that we chose (we went with Target, Apple, and some other trendy companies). Elisha and I ended up doing the whole thing -the boys couldn't keep up.
So after I compile the information, graph each stock on a chart, and put it together neatly in a folder -a week later the teacher (who was a substitute/teacher-in-training) says, "You guys turned that folder in right? I think I list it at my house..."
And I was like, "So............" because I then had to fathom get an F or a 0 an a fairly easy assignment I had mastered. Never heard back on the folder situation -and never got it returned to us.
For the final exam he says, "If you got an 'A' on the assignment, you can fill out this easy questionaire that only has 10 questions on it (ex. "What color is the sky?")
He comes up to me and says, "So did you get an A?" He doesn't even know.
I say, "Yup." with a DEEP sense of certainty.
He hands me the 10 questions and I pass the class with an A.
And that's where we're at right now. We've put up with a lot of crap that either didn't make sense logically, ethically, or spiritually. Nothing good. Nothing meaningful or intended for. Just distraction. Distraction from ourselves -God -EVERYTHING Good.
And now we're being asked, "Do you keep buying into that system of delusion?" Do you want to continue on with the family drama, the judgments of others, the frustration of politics, the incalculable pains of the world -including ones you know you don't know of, and everything else.
Do you want to heal, forgive, make peace with, hand over to God, let go of, be released from, be liberated by, transformed into, transcend beyond, live as if, and so on?
We can skip the test. We can pass the test by passing by the test and saying, "Yah, I've learned that one and now I'm moving on and Beyond it."
Wednesday, April 24, 2019
Past Dreams of Future Times
My dreams are getting very specific again. They fall into 2 main categories: Vision/Metaphor and Reality/This is going to happen exactly. Always happy to get guidance.
Last year I had 2 dreams.
One was a deja-vu moment. I was sitting at a bar with 4 other people and I thought it was weird that there was a bar. It was very light inside the room, not a lot of noise, and there were woods outside. Strange place, which is maybe why I remembered it so well when I woke up. There was an older blonde woman talking to me, but I don't remember about what.
Then that moment happened about 2 months ago. My step-mom got involved with a woman entrepreneur named Phyllis. Phyllis has a son who owns an adventure park here in Colorado. I decided to volunteer and help out with graphic design marketing for Phyllis since she's trying to launch her business nationally after being a solo entrepreneur for over 30 years. I was then also requested to help out with the adventure park marketing/graphics since they're having their opening season this year. I go to the adventure park, up in the mountains. The lodge has an upstairs with a BAR and a window looking out into the woods. Phyllis surprisingly showed up -blonde, energetic 70 year old that she is. Phyllis is highly intuitive since she's been working with people -particularly kids -for so long. It was fate.
Her business involves helping people with ADHD and dyslexia using chiropractic techniques and neuroscience WITHOUT Drugs. My sister has struggled with ADHD for years -including the Aderol she was put on- and my dad has issues with dyslexia.
Last year I also had another dream where I drove up into the mountains and came to what I now call and Institute. there was a 10 year old boy and a blonde woman that looked kind of like Phyllis there. They were showing me around and telling me stuff I don't remember. It was so vivid and clear and bright out. There was a play area for kids, upscale/cabin lodgings and the whole place was in the woods. I think she's meant to make an Institute sort of organization where people can fly to her (kind of like they do now) and stay. Her program usually takes about 10 weeks and she's based out in Texas. The results from her work are astounding. She debated turning it into a "franchise" with different clinics throughout the U.S., but the people looking to invest were mostly just in it for the money and the whole model didn't seem right. This work is too important to be founded the wrong way on full scale.
The day before I met Phyllis at the "bar", I had a dream about a boy who'd been kidnapped. We were able to track him down and find him. He was on the ground in a contorted position and there were ropes binding his hands behind him. I looked at him and knew/understood: He was some sort of mental impairment -like ADHD/dyslexia that's preventing him from being free in some way. We cut the chord and he was free to run and live normally.
I told Phyllis the dream and she said, her work involves re-aligning the mind with the body through neural pathways. That the mind isn't cement. It can shift.
As for the adventure park I'm now working at 2 days a week, I've had deja vu moments -but only in the bathroom. The bathroom has a weird gray/blue wall coloring and brown/tan tiles that kind of stand out. The bathroom's look is just a little different, so I remember it pretty well from my dreams. Other than that I haven't really had dreams about it.
It is amazing that I asked God for more creative work -like graphic design - and now I have 3 businesses I do graphic design marketing for: Phyllis, the adventure park, and the women entrepreneur's group. It's a lot. I also still work as a greenhouse tech in a vertical farm.
Which brings me to the dream I had 2 nights ago:
In my dream I was sitting in a classroom of teenagers. The teacher asked everyone a question and hands hot up because everyone knew. But I didn't raise my hand because I knew that when the teacher knew that everyone knew, he would call on no one. Which is what happened. And I just sat there the only one not raising my hand because I was ahead of the game. Then someone entered the room and said it was time to start taking students out. He called for the 3 students in the first front row to leave -me being number 3. I took the rose-looking lettuce in my hand (which we grow at the vertical farm) and put it in my pocket sentimentally. Then we left the classroom.
We passed through a classroom of elementary students and the teacher in that room was gazing after me in a creepy way that made me uncomfortable and I tried to not look at him and avoid him. Then we entered into an elementary school library and I was like, "Yay, I love libraries!" Then we passed by some of the books and there were 3 that popped out in different sections as I went through. Enslaved Children of Today. Human Trafficking of Female Children. Girls Exploited. And it hit me: Those are dark subjects being presented in a kid-friendly way. I take this to mean I'm meant to find out more about this issue which I understand the gravity of, but haven't wanted to hear more about because the instances of that kind of abuse and the stories that have already come to light make me want to throw up. There's a Netflix documentary on it that I can't stomach watching right now. It's one of the most f*cked up human issues in the history of humankind.
Next we left the library and there was a spiritual/new age shop I wanted to go in, but it was locked. I feel like this is a pretty significant theme in my life. I WANT to go to the safe spiritual spaces that have everything I love about religions and cultures and beliefs and symbols and artifacts and books on ancient civilizations... but I'm not meant to stay there. I pop in, but I'm meant to go out into places that are mostly Devoid of that kind of influence and bring God in. I'm the Mary Poppins of Light workers randomly showing up in a variety of unrelated places that seem to do a lot better once I pray to God to fix everything there. But I never stay. Including in spiritual spaces.
Then in my dream there was a stray puppy outside the shop and I immediately bent down and started kissing the puppy and bringing it into my arms. The person I was with said, "It probably has flees" and looked down on it. I then took the stray puppy with me -which then turned into a cat -and went on. I love animals. How people can treat them like garbage to be disposed of I don't know.
The last place we went was a fancy restaurant. I've been to that restaurant in dreams before. I've stood outside and seen the steps leading into it. I knew I couldn't take the puppy/cat with me so I had to let it go. Then I went in. It was a really nice restaurant and I normally worry about money in my dreams and being able to afford things, but didn't this time. My Grandma Cookie -who I talked to on Facebook yesterday -was sitting really far away at another table. So I got up and sat beside her and noticed a black father and son eating a meal at the next table. The symbolism of what all this represents is still a little beyond me. Will I go to that specific restaurant? Does it represent me being at leisure enjoying family life? was it a test to see if I was over money-fear based issues? Not sure.
Then there was last nights dream. Which was a lot...
I was at some sort of Catholic "school"... even though it was more like dorms/apartments than school classrooms. I got drunk/disoriented and vandalized things against my will under the influence of several other people. It was like dumping over trash cans or something. The next morning I was hung over?... still a little disoriented and 2 priests grabbed me as if I was being arrested and took me into a large tower/cathedral. 2 friends of mine immediately tried getting in to bring me back, but they were blocked.
The priests told me I was bad/sin and needed to be punished. I was put higher up a couple floors above in the tower. That's when I came across my "higher self"/sainted soul. She was dressed in a long white gown and seemed to be radiant and light. She was calm, didn't say much. I immediately knew I needed to help her escape/set her free. My friends managed to get in and I explained to them that they needed to help me set this woman free. So we took her arm and led her back outside the tower. When we got back to our apartment, the priests were going through my stuff deciding what to sell to profit off of while I was locked away in the tower. I was pissed. I went up to them and earnestly asked, "Is this what Christ has called you to do?" They didn't care.
From that dream I came to understand I still have negative attachments to religious institutions + archaic beliefs that are holding me back from being more free. Which is sort of true. We get obsessed with "not stepping out of line" and being scolded and behaving right and it traps us in a box spiritually. On top of that it's an eternal frustration to see my beliefs degraded by being affiliated with hypocritical, abusive institutions of power and greed and bigotry. It's like loving horses and then watching the Kentucky Derby. "Well don't you like the derby -it has horses?" Most of those horses and bent. They're treated unethically. If you love horses, you don't love racing: https://www.hanaeleh.org/horse-racing/
So right now I'm mostly trying to continue letting go of the negative, and welcoming in the New and whatever else God has intended for me in this crazy life. I know things are going to get rocky big-picture wise. The last strands of attachment to the way of life we're accustomed to living died a couple a months ago. I'm cool with everything giving-way to make way for Greater.
Last year I had 2 dreams.
One was a deja-vu moment. I was sitting at a bar with 4 other people and I thought it was weird that there was a bar. It was very light inside the room, not a lot of noise, and there were woods outside. Strange place, which is maybe why I remembered it so well when I woke up. There was an older blonde woman talking to me, but I don't remember about what.
Then that moment happened about 2 months ago. My step-mom got involved with a woman entrepreneur named Phyllis. Phyllis has a son who owns an adventure park here in Colorado. I decided to volunteer and help out with graphic design marketing for Phyllis since she's trying to launch her business nationally after being a solo entrepreneur for over 30 years. I was then also requested to help out with the adventure park marketing/graphics since they're having their opening season this year. I go to the adventure park, up in the mountains. The lodge has an upstairs with a BAR and a window looking out into the woods. Phyllis surprisingly showed up -blonde, energetic 70 year old that she is. Phyllis is highly intuitive since she's been working with people -particularly kids -for so long. It was fate.
Her business involves helping people with ADHD and dyslexia using chiropractic techniques and neuroscience WITHOUT Drugs. My sister has struggled with ADHD for years -including the Aderol she was put on- and my dad has issues with dyslexia.
Last year I also had another dream where I drove up into the mountains and came to what I now call and Institute. there was a 10 year old boy and a blonde woman that looked kind of like Phyllis there. They were showing me around and telling me stuff I don't remember. It was so vivid and clear and bright out. There was a play area for kids, upscale/cabin lodgings and the whole place was in the woods. I think she's meant to make an Institute sort of organization where people can fly to her (kind of like they do now) and stay. Her program usually takes about 10 weeks and she's based out in Texas. The results from her work are astounding. She debated turning it into a "franchise" with different clinics throughout the U.S., but the people looking to invest were mostly just in it for the money and the whole model didn't seem right. This work is too important to be founded the wrong way on full scale.
The day before I met Phyllis at the "bar", I had a dream about a boy who'd been kidnapped. We were able to track him down and find him. He was on the ground in a contorted position and there were ropes binding his hands behind him. I looked at him and knew/understood: He was some sort of mental impairment -like ADHD/dyslexia that's preventing him from being free in some way. We cut the chord and he was free to run and live normally.
I told Phyllis the dream and she said, her work involves re-aligning the mind with the body through neural pathways. That the mind isn't cement. It can shift.
As for the adventure park I'm now working at 2 days a week, I've had deja vu moments -but only in the bathroom. The bathroom has a weird gray/blue wall coloring and brown/tan tiles that kind of stand out. The bathroom's look is just a little different, so I remember it pretty well from my dreams. Other than that I haven't really had dreams about it.
It is amazing that I asked God for more creative work -like graphic design - and now I have 3 businesses I do graphic design marketing for: Phyllis, the adventure park, and the women entrepreneur's group. It's a lot. I also still work as a greenhouse tech in a vertical farm.
Which brings me to the dream I had 2 nights ago:
In my dream I was sitting in a classroom of teenagers. The teacher asked everyone a question and hands hot up because everyone knew. But I didn't raise my hand because I knew that when the teacher knew that everyone knew, he would call on no one. Which is what happened. And I just sat there the only one not raising my hand because I was ahead of the game. Then someone entered the room and said it was time to start taking students out. He called for the 3 students in the first front row to leave -me being number 3. I took the rose-looking lettuce in my hand (which we grow at the vertical farm) and put it in my pocket sentimentally. Then we left the classroom.
We passed through a classroom of elementary students and the teacher in that room was gazing after me in a creepy way that made me uncomfortable and I tried to not look at him and avoid him. Then we entered into an elementary school library and I was like, "Yay, I love libraries!" Then we passed by some of the books and there were 3 that popped out in different sections as I went through. Enslaved Children of Today. Human Trafficking of Female Children. Girls Exploited. And it hit me: Those are dark subjects being presented in a kid-friendly way. I take this to mean I'm meant to find out more about this issue which I understand the gravity of, but haven't wanted to hear more about because the instances of that kind of abuse and the stories that have already come to light make me want to throw up. There's a Netflix documentary on it that I can't stomach watching right now. It's one of the most f*cked up human issues in the history of humankind.
Next we left the library and there was a spiritual/new age shop I wanted to go in, but it was locked. I feel like this is a pretty significant theme in my life. I WANT to go to the safe spiritual spaces that have everything I love about religions and cultures and beliefs and symbols and artifacts and books on ancient civilizations... but I'm not meant to stay there. I pop in, but I'm meant to go out into places that are mostly Devoid of that kind of influence and bring God in. I'm the Mary Poppins of Light workers randomly showing up in a variety of unrelated places that seem to do a lot better once I pray to God to fix everything there. But I never stay. Including in spiritual spaces.
Then in my dream there was a stray puppy outside the shop and I immediately bent down and started kissing the puppy and bringing it into my arms. The person I was with said, "It probably has flees" and looked down on it. I then took the stray puppy with me -which then turned into a cat -and went on. I love animals. How people can treat them like garbage to be disposed of I don't know.
The last place we went was a fancy restaurant. I've been to that restaurant in dreams before. I've stood outside and seen the steps leading into it. I knew I couldn't take the puppy/cat with me so I had to let it go. Then I went in. It was a really nice restaurant and I normally worry about money in my dreams and being able to afford things, but didn't this time. My Grandma Cookie -who I talked to on Facebook yesterday -was sitting really far away at another table. So I got up and sat beside her and noticed a black father and son eating a meal at the next table. The symbolism of what all this represents is still a little beyond me. Will I go to that specific restaurant? Does it represent me being at leisure enjoying family life? was it a test to see if I was over money-fear based issues? Not sure.
Then there was last nights dream. Which was a lot...
I was at some sort of Catholic "school"... even though it was more like dorms/apartments than school classrooms. I got drunk/disoriented and vandalized things against my will under the influence of several other people. It was like dumping over trash cans or something. The next morning I was hung over?... still a little disoriented and 2 priests grabbed me as if I was being arrested and took me into a large tower/cathedral. 2 friends of mine immediately tried getting in to bring me back, but they were blocked.
The priests told me I was bad/sin and needed to be punished. I was put higher up a couple floors above in the tower. That's when I came across my "higher self"/sainted soul. She was dressed in a long white gown and seemed to be radiant and light. She was calm, didn't say much. I immediately knew I needed to help her escape/set her free. My friends managed to get in and I explained to them that they needed to help me set this woman free. So we took her arm and led her back outside the tower. When we got back to our apartment, the priests were going through my stuff deciding what to sell to profit off of while I was locked away in the tower. I was pissed. I went up to them and earnestly asked, "Is this what Christ has called you to do?" They didn't care.
From that dream I came to understand I still have negative attachments to religious institutions + archaic beliefs that are holding me back from being more free. Which is sort of true. We get obsessed with "not stepping out of line" and being scolded and behaving right and it traps us in a box spiritually. On top of that it's an eternal frustration to see my beliefs degraded by being affiliated with hypocritical, abusive institutions of power and greed and bigotry. It's like loving horses and then watching the Kentucky Derby. "Well don't you like the derby -it has horses?" Most of those horses and bent. They're treated unethically. If you love horses, you don't love racing: https://www.hanaeleh.org/horse-racing/
So right now I'm mostly trying to continue letting go of the negative, and welcoming in the New and whatever else God has intended for me in this crazy life. I know things are going to get rocky big-picture wise. The last strands of attachment to the way of life we're accustomed to living died a couple a months ago. I'm cool with everything giving-way to make way for Greater.
Wednesday, April 17, 2019
Good Ideals of Christianity: The Tow Truck Driver
He receives his calling and knows what he is meant to do.
It's rarely convenient.
He's often guided by the lights of his own vehicle on the way through the darkness of early morning to help the stranded person.
He doesn't care what caused the accident or why. It's not his place. He bares witness and acknowledges the truth -often making note to hand over if needed to those who want to understand what happened. But whether it's the person's vehicle at fault, the one who's been hit, or if it was a mutual accident: He focuses on repairing the damage done.
The person if stranded -with no need for an ambulance -is invited into the truck with him and is escorted back to the safety of his business. The damaged vehicle is taken in, assessed, and he very calmly goes over the extent of the wreckage with the owner -offering coffee.
For tow truck drivers in small towns in particular, it is also very common to Know the person. They can offer condolences and tend to take more into account the financial standing of the person and the circumstances around their livelihood. If the tow truck driver owns the business, in some instances he'll lower the price or even waive it depending on the person and what they might be struggling with.
In kind, most people Know the tow truck driver. They pass by him going down the street and say, "Hi Dean! How're things at home?" He's known as the kind of person who would give the shirt off his back to a stranger.
Dependable.
A person who's there for people in need.
Saturday, April 13, 2019
Going Forward
I wish I could summarize everything and get it out clearly. Then again, things go back and forth between being murky and clear so maybe it's best to just acknowledge that's where things are at right now. Still just going through the motions and navigating it all.
What I do know is this:
1. Divides Are Strong
Besides the obvious and contentions political divides, we also have a ton of other ones.
But any excuses that come up in your mind to rain-on people you know and many different groups of individuals in the world is just distraction and antagonizing. Let it go.
2. Zodiac is Less Relevant Now
-There was a shift some people felt and acknowledged towards letting go of personality blueprints and studying the stars. Again, we're just meant to trust right now and let life unfold. Also, I have a feeling the negative influences of external things are going to fade anyway.
3. Christian Faith is Blossoming
-It doesn't seem like it right now because again there's a lot of religious discord, but if you look past the divide you can see/feel/Know that Jesus in particular and the Holy Spirit are coming through VERY strongly and they are very close. It's deeply reassuring and calming.
-A lot of people act like you don't need Christianity/Jesus, but what I understand is I know more than I give myself credit for on an intuitive level, but I'm still VERY blind in general. Christ is clarity. We NEED that assistance to guide us and "cover" us. We don't know what we don't know. It's like saying, "I can swim" and then jumping in an ocean not knowing the storm coming or the shark 20 feet away under the surface. Ego serves no one: Trust in God.
4. Transmuting
-I use words like this now without trying or thinking about it and the terms sound weird, but are perfect. We're being led to let go. To finally process and make peace with everything.
-Not just to forgive, but to let the pain dull as if it never was.
5. Cycle of "Triggers"
-To go in hand with transmuting negative sentiments still being held onto, there's a cycle of pains that tend to be a pattern in your life over and over again that'll keep coming up until you say: "I'm done with this. I want to be over it. I'm moving on from this."
-It's a crappy process, but it's best to get this all out now before 2020 hits.
6. 2020's Going to Hurt + Liberate
-I had a vision/dream about this. I was in a town square and suddenly had wings. then a long line of people around be got sick and fell to the ground and lined up in a row on their stomachs on the ground and we're aching and crying. I asked, "What's happening?" And I saw the darkness in them like a poison making them sick.
-We're "purging" darkness out right now before everything "sets in". This is a part of the "Revelation" we're experiencing about Truth coming to Light and darkness no longer being able to hide.
-Last year was like spiritual bootcamp. This year is finals before we graduate college.
-For those who do go through the process of transmuting/purging NOW, 2020 will be a great beginning to a creat, more intended-for future.
7. Culmination
-Things are coming together (with Christ in the center)
-You will see more people from "different walks of life" identifying as the same. I'm not just a veteran, I'm a mother. I'm not just a Muslim, I'm a cancer survivor.
-We'll also see more collaborative projects and greater artistic endeavors come through
8. Acknowledgment + Making Peace with Corruption + Evil
-I've been led to watch a LOT of documentaries lately:
JonBenet Ramsey, Rotten, Amanda Knox, The Keepers, Abducted in Plain Sight, Madeline McCann ...
-Common Theme: Corruption is a Global Issue
1. Police Corruption, Corporate Corruption, Political Corruption, Religious Corruption, Media/Journalist Corruption... Institutional Corruption on almost every level
2. Sexual Abuse -particularly of children -through familial abuse, institutional abuse, and human trafficking.
3. 1960'2/70's = Drunken/disoriented time of "not knowing" to the extent we know things now, 1990s = First attempt at collective acknowlkedgement of issues, 2010 = First real achievement of attain that acknowledgement, but now the realization Institutions are preventing change.
4. People can overcome past pains -including by affirming and healing alongside others who have been through similar issues
5. People can solve crimes/circumvent failing systems/institutions through technology/internet/class-action lawsuites...
6. Documentaries are exposing the truth/awareness is more accessible to a broader audience
7. Group support can lead to justice
8. New breakthroughs/solutions/innovations are being brought about
9. People/children are better protected now than they used to be
10. People are becoming more directly spiritual -rather than just following along to religious practices and mimicking prayer
11. More mind-body-soul integration
12. Greater shift towards healthier ways of living
9. Elemental
-For me going forward, I want less attachment to and distraction by "details". I don't want to know what the rollercoaster of human life is up to today. Politics, gossip, pains, loss, divisions... it's all Hell. And it distracts from Heaven. It's truth, but we're meant to be focusing on the Sacred as the Greatest Truth. Yes there's pain, but then there's redemption, unity, grace, peace, freedom...
-And we're meant to be Living this. Not thinking it. Not speaking it. Not "doing it". Just Being.
10. We're Living in the "Past"
-The better way to put it might be: Hell has reigned until now and the grip has slowly been loosened over centuries and now it's being overcome. So past pains have been present consistent until now. There's something in the Bible about Hell being "put away" for the next 1000 years so everyone has a chance to experience Heaven on Earth the way we have Hell and then after the 1,000 the box gets opened from beneath and negativity/darkness/pain is finally ended.
-The best way to move on from this time period (and move through it) is happening for me pretty naturally/intentionally/spiritually. You live and feel like you're in the 1960s. Like you've seen the news headlines before and they're not new. Like this time period is from 30 years ago. And you can see people in the world kind of reacting the same. "That's STILL happening?"
I think that since the soul and Heaven aren't bound by time and only the world/our bodies are, we have a divine spiritual ability to live beyond the "now". The more you align with Heaven, the more this world seems foreign and old. Heavy. Weighted. Lost. OLD. The more you shift your life out of those confines.
11. Anxiety and the Future
-There are 2 future scenarios: A gradual, slow ascent into Heaven being founded on Earth (greater peace, prosperity, equality...) or an abrupt shift and possible conflict. Either we will be eased out of negative influence or there will be blow-back and confrontation (which looks pretty frightening and tumultuous). Not sure which will happen and God basically took away that concern for me so I no longer care or am attached to either scenario. I'm taken care of and am at peace -knowing God is the future.
-On the downside there's weird anxiety energy going on. Like a deep clinging to anything to fret over. Empathetically/spiritually we're picking up on everyone else's anxiety and being distracted by anxiety by negative influences. It's draining and annoying. And I can mentally discredit it and quiet my mind from it, but it's there. Thank God I'm not alone and a lot of other spiritual people are reporting this same phenomenon. There advice is mostly to hold-center and go through the motions. I would add calling on Heaven for help.
What I do know is this:
1. Divides Are Strong
Besides the obvious and contentions political divides, we also have a ton of other ones.
But any excuses that come up in your mind to rain-on people you know and many different groups of individuals in the world is just distraction and antagonizing. Let it go.
2. Zodiac is Less Relevant Now
-There was a shift some people felt and acknowledged towards letting go of personality blueprints and studying the stars. Again, we're just meant to trust right now and let life unfold. Also, I have a feeling the negative influences of external things are going to fade anyway.
3. Christian Faith is Blossoming
-It doesn't seem like it right now because again there's a lot of religious discord, but if you look past the divide you can see/feel/Know that Jesus in particular and the Holy Spirit are coming through VERY strongly and they are very close. It's deeply reassuring and calming.
-A lot of people act like you don't need Christianity/Jesus, but what I understand is I know more than I give myself credit for on an intuitive level, but I'm still VERY blind in general. Christ is clarity. We NEED that assistance to guide us and "cover" us. We don't know what we don't know. It's like saying, "I can swim" and then jumping in an ocean not knowing the storm coming or the shark 20 feet away under the surface. Ego serves no one: Trust in God.
4. Transmuting
-I use words like this now without trying or thinking about it and the terms sound weird, but are perfect. We're being led to let go. To finally process and make peace with everything.
-Not just to forgive, but to let the pain dull as if it never was.
5. Cycle of "Triggers"
-To go in hand with transmuting negative sentiments still being held onto, there's a cycle of pains that tend to be a pattern in your life over and over again that'll keep coming up until you say: "I'm done with this. I want to be over it. I'm moving on from this."
-It's a crappy process, but it's best to get this all out now before 2020 hits.
6. 2020's Going to Hurt + Liberate
-I had a vision/dream about this. I was in a town square and suddenly had wings. then a long line of people around be got sick and fell to the ground and lined up in a row on their stomachs on the ground and we're aching and crying. I asked, "What's happening?" And I saw the darkness in them like a poison making them sick.
-We're "purging" darkness out right now before everything "sets in". This is a part of the "Revelation" we're experiencing about Truth coming to Light and darkness no longer being able to hide.
-Last year was like spiritual bootcamp. This year is finals before we graduate college.
-For those who do go through the process of transmuting/purging NOW, 2020 will be a great beginning to a creat, more intended-for future.
7. Culmination
-Things are coming together (with Christ in the center)
-You will see more people from "different walks of life" identifying as the same. I'm not just a veteran, I'm a mother. I'm not just a Muslim, I'm a cancer survivor.
-We'll also see more collaborative projects and greater artistic endeavors come through
8. Acknowledgment + Making Peace with Corruption + Evil
-I've been led to watch a LOT of documentaries lately:
JonBenet Ramsey, Rotten, Amanda Knox, The Keepers, Abducted in Plain Sight, Madeline McCann ...
-Common Theme: Corruption is a Global Issue
1. Police Corruption, Corporate Corruption, Political Corruption, Religious Corruption, Media/Journalist Corruption... Institutional Corruption on almost every level
2. Sexual Abuse -particularly of children -through familial abuse, institutional abuse, and human trafficking.
3. 1960'2/70's = Drunken/disoriented time of "not knowing" to the extent we know things now, 1990s = First attempt at collective acknowlkedgement of issues, 2010 = First real achievement of attain that acknowledgement, but now the realization Institutions are preventing change.
4. People can overcome past pains -including by affirming and healing alongside others who have been through similar issues
5. People can solve crimes/circumvent failing systems/institutions through technology/internet/class-action lawsuites...
6. Documentaries are exposing the truth/awareness is more accessible to a broader audience
7. Group support can lead to justice
8. New breakthroughs/solutions/innovations are being brought about
9. People/children are better protected now than they used to be
10. People are becoming more directly spiritual -rather than just following along to religious practices and mimicking prayer
11. More mind-body-soul integration
12. Greater shift towards healthier ways of living
9. Elemental
-For me going forward, I want less attachment to and distraction by "details". I don't want to know what the rollercoaster of human life is up to today. Politics, gossip, pains, loss, divisions... it's all Hell. And it distracts from Heaven. It's truth, but we're meant to be focusing on the Sacred as the Greatest Truth. Yes there's pain, but then there's redemption, unity, grace, peace, freedom...
-And we're meant to be Living this. Not thinking it. Not speaking it. Not "doing it". Just Being.
10. We're Living in the "Past"
-The better way to put it might be: Hell has reigned until now and the grip has slowly been loosened over centuries and now it's being overcome. So past pains have been present consistent until now. There's something in the Bible about Hell being "put away" for the next 1000 years so everyone has a chance to experience Heaven on Earth the way we have Hell and then after the 1,000 the box gets opened from beneath and negativity/darkness/pain is finally ended.
-The best way to move on from this time period (and move through it) is happening for me pretty naturally/intentionally/spiritually. You live and feel like you're in the 1960s. Like you've seen the news headlines before and they're not new. Like this time period is from 30 years ago. And you can see people in the world kind of reacting the same. "That's STILL happening?"
I think that since the soul and Heaven aren't bound by time and only the world/our bodies are, we have a divine spiritual ability to live beyond the "now". The more you align with Heaven, the more this world seems foreign and old. Heavy. Weighted. Lost. OLD. The more you shift your life out of those confines.
11. Anxiety and the Future
-There are 2 future scenarios: A gradual, slow ascent into Heaven being founded on Earth (greater peace, prosperity, equality...) or an abrupt shift and possible conflict. Either we will be eased out of negative influence or there will be blow-back and confrontation (which looks pretty frightening and tumultuous). Not sure which will happen and God basically took away that concern for me so I no longer care or am attached to either scenario. I'm taken care of and am at peace -knowing God is the future.
-On the downside there's weird anxiety energy going on. Like a deep clinging to anything to fret over. Empathetically/spiritually we're picking up on everyone else's anxiety and being distracted by anxiety by negative influences. It's draining and annoying. And I can mentally discredit it and quiet my mind from it, but it's there. Thank God I'm not alone and a lot of other spiritual people are reporting this same phenomenon. There advice is mostly to hold-center and go through the motions. I would add calling on Heaven for help.
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