Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Poverty Part 2: A Multi-Dimensional Issue

2 years ago I made a list of all the causes I was closest to and had the best line of site on. I called it my “Majors” and my “Minors” –like you would major or minor in something in college. I was good and several causes in particular including Women, Children, and Nature. Unfortunately one stark area of contrast that I had little knowledge or experience in understanding was Poverty.

I couldn’t even label it something that I minored in. I’ve been close to poverty in that I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck with -$200 in my bank account, but I’ve never really FELT poverty. I’ve never fully experienced, even though I’ve been involved in a lot of non-profits that were related to poverty –I never really saw it in person.

It is the destiny of a soul to grow. We grow as souls by expanding our compassion and grace beyond ourselves that we would come to love and all and hate none as God does.
I saw it as a personal issue with my soul that it did not understand poverty on a more empathetic level. I felt disjointed with an issue I knew little of.

I think that’s one of the reasons God has led me to this non-profit I’m working for which confronts poverty head-on. I’ve seen it a lot more clearly and I think I’m meant to share what I have come to learn.

One of the main issues with poverty that most people aren’t aware of is that it’s multi-dimensional. There are overlapping, inter-related issues perpetuating this system of physical and financial oppression.

There are multiple issues Contributing to poverty and multiple issues that Comprise poverty.

Here are a few of the issues I’ve come across Contributing to Poverty:

-A discriminating education system that favors wealthy communities and white children  
-Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse –especially with kids
-The f*cked up situation that is the Foster “Care” System
-Mental and psychological health and disorders
-Human trafficking and its victims
-Racism, sexism, and other forms of discrimination people like to pretend don’t exist
-Pregnant teens and young mothers
-Drug addiction (usually as a result of some form of abuse)
-No one looking out for the elderly (Alzheimer’s, veterans, low-income…)
-No one looking after the mentally and/or physically challenged
-Domestic Violence
-Government abuses (especially in some targeted communities)
-LGTQ+ youth being disowned by their “Christian”/Religious parents
-Student loans
-Capitalism without Compassion

Here are a few of the issues that Comprise poverty:

- Hunger, Starvation, Access to Food
-Clothing (which is different based on winter v. summer and men v. women)
-Personal Care Items (shampoo, soap, tampons, toothbrush…)
-Shelter (not just a place to sleep at night, but a place –especially for the LGBTQ+ community, women, and children –that’s safe during the day)
-Support in seeking education and employment 
-Human trafficking and its victims
-A rise in crime which always goes hand in hand with poverty
-Need for access to health (especially mental health) facilities and treatment
-Access to transportation

Basically poverty is the direct result of what happens when certain groups of people and kinds of pain inflicted on people go unnoticed and uncared for. This is why it’s important for the human race to stop making excuses to sever from others and to finally come together as we were intended to so this kind of suffering ceases to exist.
It reminds me of this other issue that’s going on that another woman brought up the other day. She said, “My sister has worked in an integrated school system and is now working in a segregated school system. I didn’t even know it was still LEGAL to racially segregate schools.”

She said that her sister loved the integrated school because –even though they weren’t as financially well off and their neighborhood had issues –children saw children from every walk of life. There were kids whose parents were in jail. There were kids who were living with grandparents. There were kids who were from low-income homes. There were kids that had physical and mental challenges. And a variety of kids from every race.

She said, “In this new school she had a student come up to her and say, ‘I saw a black person across the street today and I was scared he was going rob me.’” A 10 year old girl said that.

This lack of INCLUSION leads to an emaciated culture. We only feed off of chips, soda, and cupcakes. We seem to evade -on principle -anything genuinely good or of true value.  

Monday, August 29, 2016

Poverty Part 1: Government v. Everyday Home-owners

*Good news, found some time to blog today*

This is a real situation that occurred in a north part of Denver.

Back in the early 1900s there was a lot of metal/construction/steel work being done in that part of Colorado. The people who then built homes near to those work sites started a pretty tight-knit community of homeowners who then proceeded to give those homes over to their children through inheritance and down through the generations. This created generation of generation of hardworking homeowners who knew their neighbors and were deeply involved in their neighborhoods.

-Dick move #1 by the Government: In the 1960s they built 1-70 right through the heart of the vibrant, suburban community inspite of thousands of people protesting.

-Dick move #2: They declared the homes and the area condemned and started displacing hundreds of people. The residents attempted to sue them and the case went to the Supreme Court, but the government sided with the government and the homes were bulldozed for far less than they were worth leaving the former-homeowners screwed.

-Dick move #3: The area they were living in was a Residential Zone and in the 1970's the government decided to redistrict the lines of the community so it was no longer considered Residential and therefore it became ILLEGAL for them to make ANY updates to their houses. If your driveway was cracked and your roof had a leak –tough luck. This remained in place until the year 2001. For 30 years residents were unable to make even basic updates to their homes –running the value of property and the area in general into the ground.

Fast-forward to today. Denver is a blossoming cityscape with many many land-developers buying up as much property they can to build new houses and apartments on it to ride the wave of financially gouging new people moving into the city. This has brought the price of land up throughout Denver and has led to a lot of “gentrification”.

Unfortunately for those formerly renting places in the area –this means they can no longer afford to keep up with the rising costs and will inevitable be sent packing. It also means that the land-buying opportunists are eyeing people still living in the broken area of north Denver and saying, “Hey I can pay you what your house is worth on face value.”

You end up with a situation in which common, every day, hardworking people who have lived in the same place for generations are now forced to sell their crumbling homes for $200,000 on land that could easily be worth $400,000. I mean obviously it’s their fault right. They chose to be poor and everything.

A lot of the people in these communities are also very diverse racially –Hispanic, black, and white home-owners throughout the area.

So Denver, like many booming cities, is making the mistake of “displacing poverty” where the invisible low-income family is being muscled out of their own homes to be chucked further out of town –probably to the impoverished areas of Aurora –instead of being supported.

Another issue the community is having is The School v. Railroad Tracks. Recently the residents actually had to convince the government that a bridge was worth building near their schools because in order to get to it, Elementary school children had to cross over train tracks –and when trains were around UNDER and AROUND the live acting trains to get to school every morning.

It’s astounding how much crap can be forced upon an entire area of people doing absolutely nothing wrong other being home-owners and possibly being of a race other than white.

On top of all of this a recent article says homeless are now suing the city of Denver for systemically forcing them out of the area:

A group of homeless people have sued Denver, claiming the city has systematically forced the homeless out of the downtown area, illegally taken and destroyed their possessions and violated their civil rights in an inhumane and vindictive way.

The 36-page complaint, filed Thursday in U.S. District Court in Denver, accuses the city of clearing downtown of the poor and displaced by conducting sweeps of homeless encampments in order to make way for new housing and economic development.

"While gentrification may have positive benefits for a few, it is not a legal basis for treating this vulnerable class as though their civil rights were non-existent," the suit said. 

The lawsuit, filed by a group of homeless members of Denver Homeless Out Loud, requests class action status, which would make all the city's homeless plaintiffs.
"As rents have risen and the number of displaced have increased, shelter beds have remained stagnant," the suit says.”

The only good news is that various non-profits and groups recognize what is happening and are stepping in to defend those who would be left ruin.  

They are also working with the home-owners of these areas so they know what their real options are and have support to remain in their communities if they choose. Because of this attention –even the school system, which had formally ignored the struggling neighborhood and its school –also started sending more resources and support since it became glaringly obvious to everyone that they had been neglecting that area financially for decades.

Hopefully the community stands its ground and isn’t bullied to further sinking by those who would seek to profit off of this oppressive situation. 

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Metaphor for Humanity

I drove up to a McDonalds to order some manufactured food because I needed the caffeine to work through my veins that I might be of some practical utility to those who request my services. Who is the business and who is the customer? We are all both most of the time. 

I drive my some rose bushes I had no expectation of seeing and was left stunned and stirred by their vibrance. Here is HEAVEN. Finally! It's such a distant place and yet made so near sometimes. The scent, the color, the natural beauty of it. It's here. Heaven is here. 

And then as I drive forward I spot the Monster Energy drink can tossed among the thorns. This is the pain of Humanity that it inflicts upon itself. Being blessed with wonder and returning that gaze with dispassionate cynicism. 

"It's just a bush." 

And we are just souls to blind to see the significance of anything beyond ourselves.  

Good News + Bad News 8-28-18

Went to get my MRI which was a pretty exciting experience. Just as it was in the hospital, the Property Brothers showed up to hangout again -only this time in the MRI waiting room. I was seriously tempted to message them on Twitter and say, "Your show is really there for people -not just the houses you build for clients, or people watching who feel inspired to feel their own homes, but the joy you bring people EVERYWHERE -even in the hospital." But it seemed like that would take more than 140 characters and I doubt they read their fans comments on there. 

No can say they hate HGTV. Anways, went into the MRI scanner to get 30 minutes worth of scans without IV fluid and then 30 more minutes of scans WITH IV fluid. The machine made a lot of weird noises -some sounded like an emergency alarm going off, other ones sounded more like I was going down a green tube as Mario trying to find the princess. 

Then I had to rush to work because work starts at 8am and I got back at around 11:30am. A couple hours later my urologist called me and the news seemed worrisome. I had had a severe pain in my side last weekend. I assumed that it was my kidneys getting overloaded again because the pain started in my abdomen but pinched to my back where the kidneys are. I had been using the intermittent catheters very sparingly because I didn't know when the order from them would come to my house and only had some samples on hand the urologist had given me. Ended up buying some catheters one size too big from a medical supply store.  

So I was bed-ridden last weekend with sever pain and then come Monday the pain had dissipated to a good extent and continued fading over the week. So come Friday when I was told my right ovary was swollen and it was a possible emergency situation -I could still dimly feel the pain but wasn't too concerned about it. I explained all this to the urologist and she basically told me to keep and eye on my pelvic pain, but otherwise the MRI showed no sign of anything that could be contributing to my retention issue. 

The next step is finding a Neurologist to see if the nerves just aren't sending the right signals. 

Then yesterday had something of a breakthrough. I used a disposable catheter in the morning, but the rest of the day I was able to go on my own and it seemed to be working better. Still some slight pain when I went, but didn't need to defer to a catheter, which was great. I honestly got the sense that God was taking care of it and I was coming out of the issue thanks to His divine work. 

Then last night my step-mom hosted a network marketing party trying to sell some shape-wear to her friends and I met a woman named Tracy who helps people really get in touch with soul, self-confidence, and unity with body. I was deeply interested in what she was saying and ended up signing up for a 1 on 1 session with her as well as a group session. 

There are some things I'm definitely hung up on as a soul that I need guidance through. 

#1 This stupid body feels like I'm wearing someone else's bowling shoes and their twice my size. It's an awkward fit and I don't feel like I fill it most of the time. The only time I do is when I'm feeling particularly spiritually endowed. Some days it just seems like a casing that's outside of me. 

#2 I KNOW I'm intended for greater things and I feel like in the next 2 years or so those things are going to come -whether I'm ready or not. BIG stuff is going to happen on Earth and BIG stuff is coming my way. I want to ease myself into it as best as I can. 

We're living in a time of great spiritual occurrences and divine alignment -more than ever in human history. Basically if you're in touch with your soul, and with God, you will ride this wave like a pro surfer without even trying. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. 

At the party I also met a women who was trying to find a place to donate a lot of furniture items and was a deep advocate for spiritual connection with nature. She had a near death experience about a year ago that she says profoundly changed her life. So I told her about Mile High United Way and some of the shelters we're partnered with if she wanted to reach out to donate to them. I also told her about Nancy Rynes and gave her Nancy's website information in case she wanted to read her book since Nancy seemed to have numerous similarities with her. It felt like I was fated to cross paths with her and give her what good I could. 

So today I was feeling pretty good to go. The plan was to feed the cat I'm house sitting for -same one as last time, then go to the bank and drop off my paycheck, then go to the grocery store and buy food for the week otherwise I'd starve, then fill my car with gas otherwise I couldn't get to work tomorrow. Then the bank ATM told me they it couldn't accept deposits and banks are closed on Sundays so there's no going in. My entire morning just went up in a puff of smoke and I was left there like, "Now what do I do with my life?" So much hinges on my ability to afford things and I'm still living paycheck to paycheck. It sucks finally being able to afford things but not being able to afford things all at the same time. Stupid banks. 

But I trust that things will work out and I don't need to worry. 

I've really tried reflecting on the silver-lining of my illness and what good has come of it. 

1) I have learned to draw Heaven near and not take pain personally for it does not belong to me and was never intended for me so I shouldn't cling to it either physically or emotionally -just let it know and let peace find its way in. 

2) You are incredibly cared for. God works through those it's easiest to work through and there are some real angels here and Earth that will look after you and ensure you are taken care of. You must also extend that grace to yourself and take care of your own life -being patient with your body and letting healing happen at its own pace. 

3) Life is humbling to everyone. I had to start my new job with a catheter strapped to my leg and period pain in my abdomen. This life is messy and it will do you no favors. Don't let it shame you or make you feel less than. You are not the circumstances in which you find yourself -we are always MORE. 

4) Sometimes people do good things in bad ways. I've seen multiple people that mean well and technically do good works, but they do these things without really giving caring or compassion or grace. The act is good but the energy in it is either empty or negative. It's like someone smiling at you as they think, "I hate you." This life gives you great opportunities to do good. Don't do positive things in a negative way. 

5) HEALING is something every human is intended for -in one form or another. We're all striving to alleviate some kind of pain. These healing come freely to us by God's grace and they were intended to be given just as freely. If you hinder this healing and limit it, it will become limited in you. Give to ALL without cause or compensation. Give freely of yourself as you were intended to do. 

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Dreams -Visions -Update 8-24-16

Visions from 8/02: Diver and Manta Ray swimming in circle in the ocean limbs reaching out towards one another.

Dream 8/15: I only remember parts of this dream, the rest is via notes that I took when I woke up. I was worried about working 1AM to 4AM at Mile High United Way because I feared not being able to sleep or keep up with work. Woke up feeling kind of stupid for that dream and thankful my hours are from 8am to 5pm. Went back to sleep and had another dream involving a family incident that did occur a couple weeks ago. Basically my step-dad has a car he was working on but never finished. It was at my mom’s house and since they recently sold the house she decided to take the car “as her own” and sell it. My step-dad then reported the car stolen since he didn’t want her selling the car and taking the money for herself since it was his. Police showed up and didn’t take his report seriously since my mom treated his concerns like he was an idiot and since he’s living in another state the police just basically took mom’s side in that moment.

In the dream I sat down with mom at the house and calmly tried to talk with her and explain my step-dad’s perspective to her –especially since I feel he was in the right since it was legally his car and everything. She basically told me I was “taking sides” and didn’t know what I was talking about. For a dream this is pretty accurate considering that’s how 90% of my conversations with mom have gone in the past for similar issues.

Dream 8/19: I dreamed I helped dad find job on Linked-In by sorting through potential companies. This was interesting because last week dad had asked me to help him with Linked-In and I hadn’t gotten around to it. This seemed to kind of tell me to follow-up with him and help him out –especially since his job searches and interviews have been pretty bleak lately.

In another dream, I recently got given a United Way pin and my Grandma showed up in my dream and talked to me about it. My grandma used to collect dozens of pins –all of which I still have and keep in a wooden box because they remind me of her. In the dream she showed me a particular pin she had gotten and was proud of. She was happy I had gotten the pin and had saved hers.

Dream 8/21: This dream was longgggg and insane. The main highlights of this dream include my friend Nina helping me steel bananas from a grocery store because I had no money and needed food, followed by Nina getting pulled over by cops for speeding, followed by us coming across of teen cult of mostly girls who decided they wanted to kill us. The dream was concluded with me and my sister Emily escaping from the cult group’s hideout –deciding that I didn’t hate them only wanted them to stop chasing after us. No idea what ANY of this dream meant… it was weird.

Dream 8/22: Yet another alien dream. I’ve gone from having alien dreams maybe twice a year to about 5 in the past 3 weeks. In this dream I was watching a movie in a big theater that was kind of a documentary on an anomaly that occurred in a dirt field. A shape had been forged perfectly in the dirt/sand with no signs of a vehicle or a person setting foot there. I drew the shape when I woke up –it was kind of a play on an infinity loop and it was insinuated that aliens had made it.

*During the Day 8/22: Had serious Déjà vu moment while looking up buffet costs for a casino that gave us a certificate on I had a flashback to the moment as it was occurring.

*Understanding at End of the Day 8/22: So I basically had a vision –only this one was like a video clip and it was sort of explained to me as I was watching it. It consisted of light waves of positivity going up and coming down into negative pools of dark water. Right now we’re coming out of a dark wave of negativity and headed up for more positivity to come through, then a BIG pool of dark negativity bigger than before, then a HUGE!!! Wave of positivity climbing up –then it cuts off. Basically life is done being crappy, will be good, then back to crappy stuff happening again worse than before, then beyond amazing stuff happening. It’s like a spiritual forecast for general future events. I feel like there’s a tug –of –war between Hell and Heaven right now –with Heaven simply rising ABOVE the darkness as it comes up.

Dream 8/24: Last night I dreamed I worked as an assistant jewelry salesperson at a high-end jewelry store that catered to old rich women. I basically helped them pick out their jewelry and kind of noted right off that the jewelry didn’t mean much to me or the wealth affiliated with the customers. Then I saw that they were spending $2000 to $3000 on each piece of jewelry and I thought my brain would explode. THAT COULD HAVE GONE TO A NON-PROFIT CAUSE!!! This is why no one likes the wealthy by the way. There’s children starving and living on the streets and these are the things they deem more important to be spending money on.

***Update on Status and Job:

I don’t even know where we last left off. My job’s going good –officially have the hang of things and likely because of that they’ve decided to give me more responsibilities and things to do –which I’m actually happy about because I’m super productive/efficient now. Still have -236824 hours to spend on personal stuff/me things during and after the day, but obviously made time for this post so things are slightly improving on that front. 

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Medical Updates + Plans

Had a cystoscopy (camera inserted) yesterday at the urologists -nothing. They still don't know what's wrong with me. Normally people in their 60s and 70s have these sorts of issues -not someone my age out of nowhere for no apparent reason. Next step is getting an MRI. Since I've had a catheter for over a month now they decided to "upgrade" that system. I now have the catheter out and have been given in/out disposable catheters without the bag. Basically just disposable tubes you use anytime you need to go pee. More convenient than I thought, but still kind of a challenge. 

As for blogs -I have added to blog ideas to write about but have -34% of time to actually accomplish it in. The environment at MHUW is supppperrereprerrrrr fast-paced. I kind of wish my last company had some of their momentum just so more stuff would be accomplished. Every time I get the list of things to do down to what appears to be a manageable size I get handed a new project to work on. So far my primary tasks are:

1. Assigning partner speakers from affiliated non-profits to join internal speakers at corporate campaign fundraising events to talk about MHUW. 

2. Track inventory of supplies -including marketing collateral so internal speakers/campaign reps have stuff to take with them to those sorts of events. 

3. Track/log in InKind donations 

And every once in a while I'll also be asked to do other things -like attend speaker webinars. 

I also have side-projects I assign myself knowing that when I leave this position I'd like to make the transition for the next person into it a little easier. I will create an Orientation document that's a lot simpler and has more of the essential information on hand. I will also create some other supporting document to convey some important messages about MHUW that the non-profit could use as well. 

My goal at some point is to type up blogs because I feel like there is a calling for that and I hate just writing about my life when there are important things going on in the world. 

Monday, August 15, 2016

Another Personality Test

The United Way made the mistake of giving me a personality test to take. Given this is my 7th personality test taken, I’m pretty quick with taking it, catching the pattern, and analyzing the results.

The good news is I’m consistently consistent most of the time. My personality hasn’t exactly yo-yo’d into something else. If anything it’s gotten more founded/clear as time has gone on.

This personality test is the 3rd that has focused itself around 4 basic color constructs. And each color tends to affiliate with the same personality traits.

Personality Trait 1: Spiritual, Intuitive, Creative, Peaceful, Caring, Positive, Sensitive

Personality Trait 2: Ingenuitive, Pondering, Truth-Seeking, Analytical, Organized, Intellectual

Personality Trait 3: Traditional, Structured, Practical, Sensible, Duty-Oriented, Hard-Working

Personality Trait 4: Action-Oriented, Social, Fun-Seeking, Expressive, Competitive, Energetic

The colors affiliated with each trait have some consistencies and differences between the 3 tests I’ve taken.

Trait 1 has been Yellow, White, and in this case BLUE.

Trait 2 has been Blue, Blue, and in this case GREEN.

Trait 3 has been Green, Red, and in this case GOLD.

Trait 4 has been Red, Red, and in this case ORANGE.

I’ve always been a pretty close tie between Traits 1 and 2, with Trait 3 fairly nearby and Trait 4 wayyyyyy off in the distance.

Basically I break down the traits like this, because this is essentially what they’re trying to get at:

Trait 1 = SOUL/Spirituality

Trait 2 = Mind/Mental Focus

Trait 3 = Attached to Pre-Designed Structures of Understandings

Trait 4 = Young Soul with Energy and Personable Skills

They kind of want to know where you are in life in terms of personality and maturity. Also how these traits work together in you are as a whole since no one person will be just one trait or have the other traits left out. What is the general landscape of your personality? Most importantly they want to know are you a good fit for your position. If your position involves a lot of thinking and creative solutions, but you’re more of an in-person do-as-your told kind of individual it might not be a good fit. People tend to gravitate towards the roles that complement their assets and tendencies. 

This particular test had 3 parts... 

1. Picture Images: They had several images affiliated with each trait -like a person playing the violin or a race car. You then had to rate each image on a scale from 1 to 4 -1 being not much and 4 being extremely relatable. We then had to total the score for each trait's images. 

2. Text/Related Words: Each trait had 19 words affiliated with it and you had to rate each word on a scale from 1 to 4 -1 being not much and 4 being extremely relatable. We then had to total the score for each trait. 

3. Survey Questions: We were asked 15 questions and had to rate what we thought of options A, B, C, and D on a scale from 1 to 4 again, then total the score for each letter. 

Then we totaled all the numbers together. 

My Results:

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Angel Cards #20 + Dreams 8-03 to 8-14 + Synchronicity

Doreen August 2nd:

The day I got hired at Mile High United Way as a Campaign Admin.  

Doreen August 4th:

This was kind of foreshadowing, and the message kind of carried over the next couple of days. Drinking too much hot chocolate or coffee is an issue because it can increase dehydration -which given my catheter situation is not good. 

Doreen August 5th:

Don't doubt yourself or your intuition. You seek truth, speak truth, and know truth. 

Doreen August 10th:

Again paying attention to health is important. I was running around a lot the first week of work and didn't have a snack on hand -leading me to extreme headaches and a lack of focus. 

Doreen August 11th:

I feel like sometimes Doreen reiterates her points until they are genuinely adopted. She was more specific with this one and directly said No Coffee and unhealthy foods. It's amazing how health can come second or even third to career pursuits or day to day living. 

My Dreams:

8/03: I went shopping with my Grandma Cookie, but I knew I couldn't afford anything so I only looked for cheap things. Found some spiritual stuff for very little money -like a hackey sack that had the chakras on it and a bog set of Angel Cards. Then I came a cross a 2 boxes that each had something to do with Jesus. One had stones in it and I knew it would be worth more, but the other had quotes by Jesus and I knew that ultimately the quotes meant more -so I grabbed that one. 

I then saw a pile of Disney movies and started rummaging through. I KNEW the movie Pocahontas was the most important and it was almost as if I needed to get it. Then I ran into my step-dad who told me he had no money and was in need of some. I had a $60 gift certificate and initially had reservations of handing it to him, but did it anyways because I knew he needed it more. 

8/04: I was walking through the woods and saw some other people hiking. A transwoman in a wheel chair rolled by and I started talking to her. She said she was in the Olympics and headed towards a wheelchair-related sport. I decided to follow her and on the way into a big building center I passed by my friend Chelsie -who I haven't seen in a long long time and was like a little sister to me. 

Chelsie was hesitant to approach me when I reached out to hug her. She thought that I wouldn't approve of her because of something she did. I said, "But I love you. Nothing else matters." She started crying and quickly reached out and hugged me. 

Then the woman in the wheelchair asked me to help her look after her pet hamster. The hamster started having medical issues and it looked like it had internal pains. I attempted to pray over it, but didn't know what to do so I went with her to a pet hospital. On the walls outside the pet hospital there were these white boards tracking Hillary Clinton's success. She had an 80% lead. Basically the companies in the area and in other states banned together and sort of insinuated that they wouldn't serve people who were against Hillary being president. 

Finally managed to get the hamster to the vet and the second I handed it over it felt like "everything will be ok". She then washed the hamster in cold water and said that it would help. 

8/10: In all honesty I don't remember this dream at all, but I wrote down what it was about because I track my dreams. Apparently it had something to do with donating money to a non-profit verses volunteering. The conclusion that I reached in the dream was that both were good. 

8/12: This dream I remember pretty vividly. I was abducted by aliens and taken to their planet. They were pretty nice and were telling me that they only eat bugs and plants and that they drink water like people do. There culture honored the 4 elements: Fire, Water, Earth, and Air. There planet was a pretty tropical/jungle-like one. 

They said they needed a twin boy and girl to help them with figuring something out. This boy and girl were sent to their "elder council" of the wise. They purposely looked for wise/knowing people who were prophetic. There were what represented 4 planets interconnected through a waterway system and the twins traveled down that system to get between the "planets". 

Also had a second dream about driving around various neighborhood trying to psychically feel if a house was dark or positive. When I came across a house with a creepy vibe I would pray for it and then drive on. 

Then had some sort of dream about knowing something BIG was coming -either good or bad. 

8/13: This dream consisted of 3 dreams as well. 

Part 1: I was working a the United Way and it was announced that they were partnered with the Clinton Foundation and everyone was freaking out because they it was under investigation and they were worried the FBI would be coming in and investigating their non-profit as well for being affiliated with it. 

Part 2: Had a dream I fell in love with this older guy -and I mean REALLY fell in love with him, and I felt it in the dream. But I was worried he wouldn't want me or that we couldn't be together since I'm asexual. So I basically found someone that looked similar to me and tried to lead him to be with that person. I told him he would be happier with her -even though it hurt to do it. 

Part 3: My artwork was printed in a book made by an art gallery and I got to flip through the pages and see my work. 

8/14: Had a dream that a couple bought a house previously owned by a serial killer. He had kidnapped young teen boys, abused them, murdered them, and buried them in the basement. The couple didn't care about the homes history -they figured they could fix it up and no one would no otherwise. Then they started experiencing paranormal stuff. 

I went into the house to try and help them and pretty quickly ran into the ghost of the serial killer -who was insanely creepy, but not necessarily dangerous. I then called on the Holy Spirit and other divine beings and they essentially took care of things. After that part of the house was cleared and I blessed the upstairs I decided to come back another time to tackle the basement area which I was pretty sure was haunted as well. 


#1 Pine Trees. I have had a craving -starting around Thursday -to see the woods and go into nature. Then yesterday my parents took me on a trip to the Garden of the Gods and a zoo. I got to pet a giraffe! Basically my "need" for nature was met. I feel like God leads you to the things that you need and/or brings them about. 

#2 Upside-down Triangle. 

I've been seeing upside-down triangles a lot, and saw them throughout the day yesterday and was just kind of confused like, "What the heck does it mean???" Then I went on Instagram last night and saw this:

Did NOT realize that was the symbol for asexuality. Not sure why that's been coming up this week, but whatever. 

#3 Deja Vu at the Office. 

I was in a Salesforce tutorial meeting when it hit. I swear to God I either had a MEMORY of it happening as it was happening or had some past dream about it happening exactly as it occurred. There have been a couple moments similar to that where it really hits me, "I am MEANT to be here right now. God WANTS me to be here." 

And I reflected on it and realized a couple years ago I had made a chart tracking which causes I had more affinity for and unfortunately Poverty was one that I struggled with. I actually wished that I could be closer to that cause so I could "stretch" the compassion of my soul and grow as a person. So I realized -not only am I getting an inside look at the issues contributing to poverty and the people it effects, but also am apart of an organization that alleviates poverty. God does good work. 

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Passed Relatives -Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Randy

Last night was interesting. My Grandpa Ray came through. I wasn't really close with my grandpa growing up so it was kind of different/awkward for him to come through as clearly as he did when I was in bed last night trying to connect to Heaven before going to sleep. 

It was his essence/presence and I could see his face very clearly. He wasn't like he used to be here on Earth though. Grandpa had been a stern man who had fought in WW2 and injured his leg -getting a Purple Heart. He was a hard worker, an engineer at IBM, and a pretty serious kind of guy. I could tell he cared about me, but he usually expressed it by telling me not to do potentially dangerous things -like rollerblading in the driveway. 

When he got cancer he was reduced to a shell of himself. It's like somebody had sucked all the life from his soul and he was reduced to a shadow in a wheel chair. I think he defined himself as being productive and useful and when his body failed him he had labeled himself a burden incapable of really experiencing life the way he had used to. When he passed away I had kind of buried the pain for about a week until it kind of emerged on its own. It was a hard relationship and a difficult connection to define. 

But now he is LIGHT. He is calm, at peace, and unburdened. He is a different man, and yet the same soul. Still don't know why it was important for him to reach me, but he did. I saw flashbacks to when I had been at his house looking out at the view from his porch. He knew my memories and my past. And he made it clear he was Beyond the past now -it didn't matter what was or what wasn't. I think he just wanted me to know he IS there for me. 

Two days ago on 8/05 I had a dream and Grandma Jean came through. Grandma's been popping up a lot lately. I smelled her perfume and felt her presence the day I got my job. I've always been close to Grandma so she's the most frequent relative to come round. I had a dream of her and she was plain as day to me as she had been when she was alive. I could FEEL her energy and KNEW it was her. I was worried about Medical Bills and financial stuff and she basically told me everything would take care of itself. "What Medicare doesn't cover just pay out of pocket with the money from the new job." 

It's weird that her advice was so clear and related to what I've been concerning myself with most these days, but she is looking out for my well-being in all ways -just as God is. 

Over 2 months ago I asked myself, "How CAN a relative from Heaven visit?" It occurred to me Saints could come through because they were divinely appointed to -like Angels. But I maintained that an ordinary, civilian soul of Heaven could only come through and reach Earth again if it was an emergency and they needed to help out a relative. Even then -pretty rare. And yet many psychics can perceive these relatives "coming through". How? 

Then I had visit from my Uncle Randy 2 days after pondering that question. I was laying in bed and then I perceived of him. I was very close to Randy as a kid. He always made funny jokes and was great to my sister and I. He died several years ago in a motorcycle accident and I had attended his funeral. So this was the first time he had ever "come through". I knew it was him by his essence/ presence and the clarity of his appearance. 

He showed me vision of riding around the woods on a dirt bike through Heaven and riding down a river in a boat. He was always outdoorsy and adventurous. Then he came close and I felt him come towards me and "hug" me as best as he could. I felt a kind of warmth and love pass over me from him. 

It was then that I perceived HOW it was happening. I understood that his appearance to me was kind of like a Hologram. It was a visual message occurring in Heaven -not here -that was brought by the Holy Spirit. His presence and energy was conveyed by the Holy Spirit. His "hug" was extended by the Holy Spirit. It was Randy, but at the same time it was being expressed by the Holy Spirit who was actually able to reach me where he couldn't come down. 

This is how relatives and ordinary people in Heaven can be perceived here on Earth. They're not actually returning to the earth or drawing near from Heaven -they are just REPRESENTED as clear as day by a divine being who is able to come through. The Holy Spirit is the messenger -the screen in which the movie can be played out. 

You're relatives do love you and watch over you. they do try to come through sometimes and be perceived -usually without you seeing it coming. 

Friday, August 5, 2016

The Healing Continues

Attempted to go to the Medicaid office today. They basically told me they could only help people see if they were qualified for Medicaid. A whole office full of people, but no one could actually help WITH your Medicaid. The lady there told me to use the number on my card -aka the Customer Service number that will keep you on hold for the next eternity. She told me to call them early in the morning around 7am. Awesome. 

Then I went to the Urologist. Basically it was just an introductory meeting. Her theory is that my previous UTI had led to the problems I was now having -which is a pretty good theory. She gave me an updated catheter leg bag and scheduled me for my next appointment in 2 weeks. They're going to go with a camera to try and see if there's a blockage causing the retention. It's called a "cystoscopy". I wish doctors would spell these sorts of things out for me. I am going to have to explain this to about 3 different relatives lately when they ask me what's going on. Good thing Google's got my back...

The urologist basically said that when the bladder "goes into shock" it can sometimes get out of it in a couple months -which is what she's hoping happens with me. 

On the plus side the $250 they were going to have me pay for the appointment was taken care of by Medicaid -meaning I'm not financially broke into oblivion. YAYZZZZ!!!! 

And I'm used to the catheter by now. It kind of sucks that I have to start work with it, but odds are I'll be so busy that neither me or anybody else will really notice. 

Oh yah, and here's a picture of me the day I got hired. I kind of look like a dork, but I'm a happy dork -so that's what matters: 

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Internet Messages 7-25 to 8-04

Well when I start work next week I'll be gone from 8am to 5:30pm and by the time I get home I'll be pretty tired so needless to say that for the first month at least blogs will swiftly decrease in number and frequency unfortunately. I'll try to keep updating as best as I can, but there's a time to write and a time to do. A time for reflection and a time for action. 

I'll be working for a non-profit from now until December trying to help them with admin/marketing and raising funds. They help at-risk youth and financially disadvantaged people. 

Here's the message from the internet from this past week. a LOT of Buddhist/Chakra messages have been coming up... a LOT. Also the message of Universal Spiritual Unity Among Various Religions.

Message 1: The Wisdom of Buddhism and Other Religions in Harmony 

Message 2: Do Not Fear Conflict -Mast the Art of Handling it with Grace

Message 3: The Soul Finds it's Home in Love

Message 4: Everyone Hates Politics and Bullsh*t of This World Because Behind It All Is Pain