Sunday, August 28, 2016

Good News + Bad News 8-28-18

Went to get my MRI which was a pretty exciting experience. Just as it was in the hospital, the Property Brothers showed up to hangout again -only this time in the MRI waiting room. I was seriously tempted to message them on Twitter and say, "Your show is really there for people -not just the houses you build for clients, or people watching who feel inspired to feel their own homes, but the joy you bring people EVERYWHERE -even in the hospital." But it seemed like that would take more than 140 characters and I doubt they read their fans comments on there. 

No can say they hate HGTV. Anways, went into the MRI scanner to get 30 minutes worth of scans without IV fluid and then 30 more minutes of scans WITH IV fluid. The machine made a lot of weird noises -some sounded like an emergency alarm going off, other ones sounded more like I was going down a green tube as Mario trying to find the princess. 

Then I had to rush to work because work starts at 8am and I got back at around 11:30am. A couple hours later my urologist called me and the news seemed worrisome. I had had a severe pain in my side last weekend. I assumed that it was my kidneys getting overloaded again because the pain started in my abdomen but pinched to my back where the kidneys are. I had been using the intermittent catheters very sparingly because I didn't know when the order from them would come to my house and only had some samples on hand the urologist had given me. Ended up buying some catheters one size too big from a medical supply store.  

So I was bed-ridden last weekend with sever pain and then come Monday the pain had dissipated to a good extent and continued fading over the week. So come Friday when I was told my right ovary was swollen and it was a possible emergency situation -I could still dimly feel the pain but wasn't too concerned about it. I explained all this to the urologist and she basically told me to keep and eye on my pelvic pain, but otherwise the MRI showed no sign of anything that could be contributing to my retention issue. 

The next step is finding a Neurologist to see if the nerves just aren't sending the right signals. 

Then yesterday had something of a breakthrough. I used a disposable catheter in the morning, but the rest of the day I was able to go on my own and it seemed to be working better. Still some slight pain when I went, but didn't need to defer to a catheter, which was great. I honestly got the sense that God was taking care of it and I was coming out of the issue thanks to His divine work. 

Then last night my step-mom hosted a network marketing party trying to sell some shape-wear to her friends and I met a woman named Tracy who helps people really get in touch with soul, self-confidence, and unity with body. I was deeply interested in what she was saying and ended up signing up for a 1 on 1 session with her as well as a group session. 

There are some things I'm definitely hung up on as a soul that I need guidance through. 

#1 This stupid body feels like I'm wearing someone else's bowling shoes and their twice my size. It's an awkward fit and I don't feel like I fill it most of the time. The only time I do is when I'm feeling particularly spiritually endowed. Some days it just seems like a casing that's outside of me. 

#2 I KNOW I'm intended for greater things and I feel like in the next 2 years or so those things are going to come -whether I'm ready or not. BIG stuff is going to happen on Earth and BIG stuff is coming my way. I want to ease myself into it as best as I can. 

We're living in a time of great spiritual occurrences and divine alignment -more than ever in human history. Basically if you're in touch with your soul, and with God, you will ride this wave like a pro surfer without even trying. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. 

At the party I also met a women who was trying to find a place to donate a lot of furniture items and was a deep advocate for spiritual connection with nature. She had a near death experience about a year ago that she says profoundly changed her life. So I told her about Mile High United Way and some of the shelters we're partnered with if she wanted to reach out to donate to them. I also told her about Nancy Rynes and gave her Nancy's website information in case she wanted to read her book since Nancy seemed to have numerous similarities with her. It felt like I was fated to cross paths with her and give her what good I could. 

So today I was feeling pretty good to go. The plan was to feed the cat I'm house sitting for -same one as last time, then go to the bank and drop off my paycheck, then go to the grocery store and buy food for the week otherwise I'd starve, then fill my car with gas otherwise I couldn't get to work tomorrow. Then the bank ATM told me they it couldn't accept deposits and banks are closed on Sundays so there's no going in. My entire morning just went up in a puff of smoke and I was left there like, "Now what do I do with my life?" So much hinges on my ability to afford things and I'm still living paycheck to paycheck. It sucks finally being able to afford things but not being able to afford things all at the same time. Stupid banks. 

But I trust that things will work out and I don't need to worry. 

I've really tried reflecting on the silver-lining of my illness and what good has come of it. 

1) I have learned to draw Heaven near and not take pain personally for it does not belong to me and was never intended for me so I shouldn't cling to it either physically or emotionally -just let it know and let peace find its way in. 

2) You are incredibly cared for. God works through those it's easiest to work through and there are some real angels here and Earth that will look after you and ensure you are taken care of. You must also extend that grace to yourself and take care of your own life -being patient with your body and letting healing happen at its own pace. 

3) Life is humbling to everyone. I had to start my new job with a catheter strapped to my leg and period pain in my abdomen. This life is messy and it will do you no favors. Don't let it shame you or make you feel less than. You are not the circumstances in which you find yourself -we are always MORE. 

4) Sometimes people do good things in bad ways. I've seen multiple people that mean well and technically do good works, but they do these things without really giving caring or compassion or grace. The act is good but the energy in it is either empty or negative. It's like someone smiling at you as they think, "I hate you." This life gives you great opportunities to do good. Don't do positive things in a negative way. 

5) HEALING is something every human is intended for -in one form or another. We're all striving to alleviate some kind of pain. These healing come freely to us by God's grace and they were intended to be given just as freely. If you hinder this healing and limit it, it will become limited in you. Give to ALL without cause or compensation. Give freely of yourself as you were intended to do. 

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