Monday, March 31, 2014

DBV 3-31-14

"Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness." – 2 Corinthians 9:10 (NIV)

Thoughts: It's  great notion and what ultimately weaves people together and makes everything people do relevent: The Ripple Effect of One Act. Everyone has a part to play and even those who support you in a way that seems inconsequential can have great repercussions. We are the echoes of the actions of others sometimes -therefore those who give inspire others to give and progress is moved forward in this motion. 

Other Things in Life

I'm tired of blogging about ghosts all the time. I am up to other things in my life. I went to Golfland last Wednesday with my 2 mentee girls for a "community outing" with the program. It was fun: it rained, I lost my ball, I saw a rainbow, I ate pizza, I won 50 tickets worth of prizes, and I admired the architecture of the lighthouses-leaning towers-medieval castles I tried to putt my ball through.

I also got to see the way my two girls interact with others when in groups of their friends. I was surprised that one of the girls actually kind of avoided the group and hung out to the side -even though they were her friends. The other girls joked around and didn't really take the golfing seriously -which is fine given that it's just a game.

The other exciting thing I did was go to Halfmoon Bay this past Saturday. My hi-maintenance friends wanted to take our next strategy session out of town. Originally it was suggested we got to Santa Cruz and stay overnight for 2 days at a nice hotel. My budget suggested otherwise so we ended up going with a conference room at a hotel out by the water in Halfmoon Bay.

The conference room was great, the weather was rainy, the lunch was amazing, and we got most of what we wanted done accomplished.

I also brought up the subject of prayer to Jos. I told her we should pray to help with our success -especially since she's using the money mandala and creating vision boards to get wealthy. We were at lunch when I brought it up and Leslie, the other woman we work with, chimed in and said it was a great idea. Jos isn't spiritual. She goes to a "spiritual center" but more and more I've come to accept that she just delves in "spirituality" like someone takes a yoga class to get fit -not holistically improve their mindset/wellbeing. Jos avoids religion and the way she justified the notion of prayer was by saying that "a study was done where 50 sick people were prayed for and 50 people weren't and the ones who were prayed for got better and had better results therefore prayer works." It's faith by fact. So ultimately didn't get very far in the world of prayer, but I did get her to accept the notion that I would be praying for her to become wealthy -which helps the process.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Traveling Companion

I went to our community mentoring program for at-risk youth's outing last night. On my way to pick up my 2 mentee girls. I'm sitting in the car outside of ones house waiting for them to answer. I feel inspired to create a pie chart illustrating the difference in perception of time to a Teen verses an Adult. I want to be at the mini golf course at 6pm and 5:30pm rolls around and still not hearing from the girl I'm supposed to be picking up. 

While in the car I start to feel lethargic. Almost light-headed but without the physical sense of going to pass out. Then I hear a Crack! sound on the dashboard like the ones I hear on the walls in my apartment. My ears start to ring that glaring noise I get in my apartment at night as well. I realize the entity is in the car with me. I'm impressed and decide to share my thoughts with it, "I don't know who you are and still don't know what you want, but I'm impressed you managed to follow me all the way in my car to the other side of San Jose. Kudos." 

The golf course is fun and I make it home around 9:15pm. I bless my room and stand in front of the doorway to my bedroom and loudly and directly say, "Stay out of my room. Whatever foreign entity is here, I command you to stay out of my room in the name of Jesus Christ. Stay in the living room. Only God, Jesus Christ, and my guardian angel are allowed in my room. Do not come into my room." 

I woke up twice last night to the faint sense of energy being directed at me but NO presence being made in my room. Light cracking sounds on the walls. I blow it all off immediately and go back to sleep. If I distract my mind to think about other things I can keep a confident notion in my mind that it WILL stay out of my room, things tend to work out.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Kept At Bay

It's hard to come home late after a long day around 9pm and then go through the process of blessing your room -because at that point the rest of your home is too much to cover at this time of night. Honestly the thing that really makes the difference is after the blessing standing in front of the doorway of your room and say to whatever entity is lurking in the living room: Stay Out of My Room in the Name of Jesus Christ. 

Not that it listened when I first started to doze off. It actually felt like it was trying to envelope my body with itself. But I just kind of reminded myself, "I have the Holy Spirit in me. There's no way this thing can take over." And then I wait for it to go away after about 30 minutes of entity energy overlapping me. I wonder in the back of my mind if it is evil and this is its way of "getting in" and causing cancer or physical problems in my body -like planting seeds of disease.

But the rest of the night goes smoothly and although I hear noises off and on inevitably, it does not come in my room.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Ghost Activity: It's Back :(

I don't know what happened. 8pm I go room to room doing my spiritual exercise. I felt pretty good and connected. I said the "guardian angel prayer" Agatha gave me 3 times. I sprinkled Holy water in my room.

This entity may as well have regular office hours. 1am, 3am, 4:30am. Those are the times you are guaranteed it will bug you. I kept getting up asking my guardian angel, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to keep "foreign entities" at bay and watch over me while I sleep. Finally I just had to yell that the thing out loud and say, "Get out of my room. You are not allowed in here. Leave me alone. In the name of Jesus Christ I command you to leave." Then it would go for about a half hour and then it would come back. Normally telling it to leave in Jesus' name does nothing -at least something was working last night. 

5am it got really strong. At one point I was laying there and it felt like my body disappeared. I could not feel my body. It freaked me out and I realized the entity was doing something -like getting under my skin literally. It also kept walking into my room and standing by my bed. I could feel its presence. I decided to roll over and ignore it. Then this buzzing flick in my ear happened which totally caught me off guard. It's like it zapped me in the ear. I hate this thing. There is no way in hell this is some sort of guardian spirit guide.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Ghost Activity: Diminishing?

Friday night sucked, but Saturday night there was NO ghost activity! YES!!! 
 I went room-to-room doing my spiritual exercise. I also used Holy water for my room. The only real difference was I asked God, Jesus, my Holy Spirit, and my guardian angels to watch over me at night, stop foreign entities from waking me in my sleep, and guard me in bed.

I heard little noises and felt no presence in my room throughout the night. It was amazing. Then last night I did the same thing. I felt the presence when I was first trying to sleep. Then it went away and I slept until 3am. Then I lightly felt the presence. It didn't bug me that much since it wasn't very strong and I was able to ignore it. At 6:20am when I was going back and forth on whether to get out of bed to get ready for work the ceiling made 3 loud cracks. I definitely think whatever this entity is, it is tuned into my inner thoughts.

2 interesting things have come up as a result of recent ghost activity. 

1. I've become a lot more open about talking about what I've been experiencing to people in my family. I was ready to breakdown after a while and then confiding in mom kind of opened the door. I got a call from my aunts on Sunday because my dad had told them what was going on. They're pretty spiritual and they told me to burn the sage again. They also asked me if I was on medication or had seen a psychiatrist -basically trying to rule out mental disorders. 

2. Prayer has increased. I've been prayed for and others have asked me to pray for them. Even at Jos' women's group planning session where prayer and religion and spirituality is usually rare to be seen, I was asked to pray for someone in the group. 

I think people are starting to realize there is something to prayer and spirituality. It's getting harder for people who could normally live blindly without it to avoid acknowledging its power.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Visitation Yesterday

So yesterday I met with my at-risk youth mentor coach Tom. He mentors the mentors. I haven't particularly liked Tom because 1. He's overly emotional and 2. Doesn't listen/assumes things too freely. But last night we bonded over spirituality and Christianity/Catholicism. Now I think he's awesome. 

We sat down and he mentioned that he was in a prayer group and in that group they would pray for different people struggling with different things. In the group there was a psychic who predicted his son would get into a motorcycle accident and then spiritually healed him afterwards so he could walk. Tom also mentioned being led by the Holy Spirit when it came to talking to people and sensing what was wrong/going on behind the scenes. 

Basically Tom is lightly psychic, his wife is more deeply psychic, and he knows a psychic expert. For me it was kind of like the universe saying, "It's ok to be open to the possibility of being a psychic. They have a place and when what they do comes from God it can really help people in ways you've wanted to for years.

I always theorize over what is possible when a person dedicates their life to deep spiritual understand and connection to God and I think I'm being pushed in the direction of living out some of those theories.

Then today I went out to lunch with my step-mom and my dad and he asked how things were going at home with the ghost and I told him what Agatha the psychic had said about me. He said I should see if there were local people in the area who could help me -psychically -or go to my apartment and help me get rid of the ghost. I told him the ghost might be a "spirit guide" just trying to communicate and that Agatha told me to be blessed by a priest and/or a group of people. He agreed I should as well. 

Kari mentioned burning sage and I told her insistently that It Doesn't Work. She insisted that "It works in many cultures around the world and is proven to get rid of ghosts. You must not have done the sage ceremony right." I told her I did a thorough job of burning sage and that this thing probably wasn't a normal ghost -hence the reason telling it to go away in the name of Jesus Christ and the Holy water and the Sage haven't worked.

Then dad kind of got pissed at me and he said, "You need to wake up." I thought he was saying I was tired/not paying attention physically (due to my lack of sleep) so I said, "I am awake, I'm just sleepy." And he said, "No you need to Wake Up." And I said, "To what?" And he got angry and said, "I've told you and your sister lots of times that you have special abilities spiritually and you didn't listen and your always going to struggle with things like this because you are psychic and stuff..." And I was like, "I know. That's what Agatha said." And he said, "You're mom's not going to understand this. She doesn't know what any of this is..." And I said, "Mom's actually been on the same page with it -especially since she introduced me to Agatha and has seen Agatha read people psychically..." "She doesn't know or understand...". 

I thought it was interesting how little dad knows mom. Usually they're roles are reversed and mom is saying something falsely assumed about dad. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if mom said dad was oblivious to spiritual things like this. They've been divorced for 22 years but still assume they know everything there is to know about the other person. 

Update: Dad just start talking to me again. He said, "Well I've told you this stuff before..." I said, "I've known I'm spiritual for a while but I didn't know I was this spiritual." And he just kind of rolled his eyes at me and said, "There's stuff that I could tell you about but it's probably better if you just learn on your own. You have a lot of people around you who know about this stuff so you're in a better off position than I was." 

And I was like, WHAT? You can't tell me my dad was/is psychic. Lightly intuitive/aware of ghosts maybe but not psychic/reading people. He's an engineer. Who chose to move into a place that had a backyard attached to a cemetery. Even when I was 12 if you had asked, "Jessica would you move into a house with a cemetery attached to it?" I would have told you, "Hell No." Only a spiritually ignorant idiot would do that...

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Poor Yahoo Answers Guy

Some poor Christian guy said he thinks he's being followed by a demon and requested help from Yahoo! questions/answers. Technically Yahoo/ the Internet is not a great source for answers of that kind, but it was interesting to see what people answered. 3 stood out in particular:

#1 A woman gave a prayer for the guy to say to protect himself from the demon/ghost: 

My heavenly father as I pray to you this day in the name of Jesus The Christ I ask you father in the name of Jesus and by the blood and the Light of Jesus the Christ to banish these demonic sources away from me and my family and home and friends... For it is written that Demons can not stand in the presences of You or in the light and the blood Jesus the Christ shed for all of mankind and with your assistance father in helping me to resist their lies and powers and I will be free and I will no longer have to live in fear... In the name of Jesus The Christ I pray A-Men

#2  A very opinionated guy gave a religious response: 

God gave you like a shield so that demons don't harm you, but when you sin or do something spiritually wrong, you open yourself up to demonic influence. For example, chanting mantras leads to demon possession. It's not the words that get you possessed; it's the rhythm. Buddhists worship fake mountain Kailash in Tibet inside which demons have a UFO base. Barcode is Druid black magic curse. Mediums are shown pictures and given thoughts by demons. Demons move the Ouija board. Demons=Ghosts=Spirit Guides=Aliens. Demons never do good. Demons fly in UFOs. Crystal balls, tarot cards, barcodes, tattoos, talismans, masks, skulls, amulets, etc. attract demons. Meditation, chanting mantras, and astral projection lead to demon possession. Casting spells is asking demons for help. Ask Greek Orthodox priest to help you out (blessing your house, etc.) Most dreams and thoughts are from demons. To break any curse, pray slowly the Psalm "the Lord is my light and my salvation" 40 times a day for 40 straight days. That's 1600 times in total. Also, if you're in any trouble (like sleep paralysis), scream: JESUS ! Jesus will come back to end the flying antichrist's rule when this antichrist conceives a thought in his evil mind that he 666-isotope-ray-lasered everyone. Antichrist's minions came up with Dec. 21 in order to desensitize people to the real events predicted in the Bible. Antichrist is 0% God and 100% man. He's possessed by Satan since he's 12 years old. He flies. He wears gloves to hide long nails. He's pale with red eyes. He's surrounded by demons who appear as angels of light. 666ed people go to permanent hell. 666 is given by lasers (isotope rays) on wrist or forehead when people stretch hands to receive small plastic grey card (world passport). Reject 666. Don't go into a UFO to be healed by demons. Those who reject 666 will go to heaven. Also, their direct ancestors will be saved from hell. Dinosaurs live under our level. They will get out through sinkholes and lakes. To kill them, go for their nerves. Again, 666 is given by isotope rays on wrist or forehead when people stretch hands to receive small plastic grey card (world passport). Police will chip and isotope ray people on highways. Food stores will isotope ray people too. Antichrist will also release prisoners to mark people. Reject 666 at all cost. If you're about to be marked, scream: "Lord, have mercy!" three times. Go hide with Orthodox Christians to escape 666. 

#3 An non-believing sceptic gave his "advice":

"Use reason and logic. For the simple reason that demons and ghosts do not exist."

My thoughts: At least woman #1 was attempting to be helpful in a positive, spiritual way. #2 was being overly opinionated and "rude". Also gave no real good call-to-action or help. #3 was useless.

I actually want to take apart what #2 said -because he said a lot of things, some of which I disagree with. 

1.  Demons don't harm you (Christians), but when you sin or do something spiritually wrong, you open yourself up to demonic influence. 

-WRONG. There have been pastors and families and children who were faithful Christians who have been tormented by demons. Christ Himself was bothered by them. Sin does not equal hunting season from demons. 

2. Chanting mantras leads to demon possession. It's not the words that get you possessed; it's the rhythm. Buddhists worship fake mountain Kailash in Tibet inside which demons have a UFO base. Barcode is Druid black magic curse. 

-This notion is stupid. Christians say hymns, songs, prayers in rhythmic tones. "Alllmmmmssss..." don't lead to possession. Otherwise ALL Buddhists and people who say mantras like that would be possessed. 

3. Crystal balls, tarot cards, barcodes, tattoos, talismans, masks, skulls, amulets, etc. attract demons. Meditation, chanting mantras, and astral projection lead to demon possession. Casting spells is asking demons for help. 

-I don't see why a demon would be attracted to someone sitting in a yoga studio making positive affirmations to uplift their energy. I can see tarot cards and talismans and items of a dark nature or certain symbols drawing demons in -but not EVERYTHING that's "spiritual" that falls outside of "Christian teachings".

4. Most dreams and thoughts are from demons.

-Maybe if you're Hitler. Otherwise no. And God came to people in dreams in the Bible

 5. "Antichrist's minions came up with Dec. 21 in order to desensitize people to the real events predicted in the Bible. Antichrist is 0% God and 100% man. He's possessed by Satan since he's 12 years old. He flies. He wears gloves to hide long nails. He's pale with red eyes. He's surrounded by demons who appear as angels of light. 666ed people go to permanent hell. 666 is given by lasers (isotope rays) on wrist or forehead when people stretch hands to receive small plastic grey card (world passport). Reject 666"

-I'm thinking these thoughts are coming from demons. Or someone who's a little bit mentally off-balance... 

The rest was just confusing, paranoid, and delusional. 

Managing Ghost Activity 3-19-14

Last night around 6:45pm I took Agatha's advice and did exactly as she instructed to do. I was far more direct with the entity and in the center of my apartment told it out loud: "You are not allowed in my room at night. You are NOT allowed to wake me anymore. You can have the living room. But you can NOT bother me at night anymore. I will not communicate with you anymore if you bother me at night." 

I then went around blessing each room -doing spiritual exercise and sprinkling Holy water around. Then I went to bed. Nothing happened until 3am. Then the water/sewer/underground piping started having issues. Throughout the night it started making noises and loud shifting of water pressure. Meanwhile the ghost decided to become very active at this time. At one point I heard a clear footstep at the door of my bedroom and then SNAP! of the ceiling above. Step! Snap! I said, "Hey!" in a knock-it-off tone. It didn't come into my room last night, but after 3am it kept making the same old noises.

I then had 1 frightening dream and 1 amusing dream.

The frightening dream involved me waking up in my bed and noticing that the hallway light was off. I said, "What the heck!" and got up to turn it back on. The light wouldn't turn on so I then tried turning the bathroom light on. Those lights wouldn't turn on. Then in the bathroom doorway I felt this intense presence overwhelm my being and I started kneeling down in fear and a voice spoke and at first I couldn't make out what the deep, masculine words were. I told it, "I can't understand what you're saying." The entity told me: "I'm indifferent to your Christian practices and God. I don't care about Jesus Christ or your Holy water. I will continue to come and watch your faith die over the years as I grow stronger." I asked it if it was a demon and it said yes.

I didn't feel like it meant to harm me physically only break me down spiritually and frighten me. It was very dominant and strong. I then asked it what it's name was and it said "Matek" or something like that.

In the second, more upbeat dream I had: I was heading to school in San Diego? and everyone was really tan and wearing shorts. I thought, "Great I'm not going to fit in. Oh well." Then on the walk over to the school I noticed another high school that in the dream I had gone to. I started walking up some steps of the high school building and then started climbing up the banister along the stairs. Next thing I know I'm in full Spireman costume climbing upside down up the banister. Then I get to the top of the stairs and I realize I'm actually wearing a Spiderman T-shirt and jeans. Then while I'm dangling there upside down I think, "Wouldn't it be cool if there was a new movie about a female Spiderman? Like completely re-write the script/plot/setting to all the other Spiderman tales and create a new movie based around some girl being a Spiderwoman. 

Then I looked to the left and Leonardo DiCaprio was there! He was looking at me kind of amused and said, "You'd be great at creating dreams". I said, "I can direct a movie within a dream about a movie!" 

So there you have it. I had a dream about a movie idea while talking to someone from a movie about dreams. Quadruple Inception?

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Message from Agatha

Got some more psychic advice form my mom's friend Agatha. I gave her a notebook I'd written in and an artbook I'd filled up with drawings. Agatha told my mom that the art indicates I'm naturally psychic -but still at a beginners level. Agatha believes the entity that is following me is neither male nor female and is probably a spirit guide trying to get my attention and help me out. She said I needed to speak to it and clarify who it is and whether it wants help or wants to give help. 

She told me to sit on the bed with my feet on the floor (so that I'm still grounded to the earth). Focus on breathing and taking in the space. I need to be calm and have no fear. Then calmly say, "Hello", and wait for a response/presence. Then ask, "What is your name?". Try to feel its energy and read its intentions. Tell it, "You are scaring me. I can communicate with you but only in a positive, peaceful way. And it has to be on my time. I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. I know you're there but we need to communicate in a different way."

Then invoke my guardian angel (visualize breathing in gold). Say the following poem to confirm if this entity IS my guardian angel:

"Angel of God
my guardian dear
to whom God's love
commits you to hear
Ever this day or ever this night
Be at my side
to light and guard
to rule and guide"

I sat on my bed and did the first part. I sensed the presence standing right in front of me wavering back and forth. I got that it was tall/big but didn't really get a name. Images of the ocean kept coming up for me every once in a while, over and over again, throughout the night. I told it I could communicate with it during the day if it made noises to indicate it wanted to talk. But I also told it it was NOT allowed in my room at night and could not communicate with me during the night. 

This thing is not my guardian angel. It's a pain in the a**. 11am, 1am, 3:30am, 4:30am... it kept waking me up with its noises, footsteps, and imposing presence. And it doesn't fell nice or positive. It also doesn't listen to me despite the fact I told it multiple times to leave my room and let me sleep. It's an annoyance... I asked God, Jesus, and my angels point blank to get rid of it. I want my sleep back.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Ghost Over the Weekend

I went to my mom's house 2 hours away last Saturday and Sunday. Mom decided to tell me some depressing news. 

When she talked with her psychic friend Agatha, Agatha said she felt like I was taking control and empowering myself but still not taking on the full extent of the situation. She basically said she felt like I had psychic abilities myself that I wasn't tapping into or managing well. She said that she wants to meet with me and help me gain control over my abilities. 

Then mom said that night she would pray over me and read some verses out of the Bible aloud.

The ghost wouldn't stop bugging me when I tried to go to sleep. My mom said if it was being persistent to wake her up and we'd sleep in the living room together. 11pm I moved into the living room myself hoping that would help. It didn't. Stupid ghost was being really persistent and wouldn't let me sleep. It was making the walls crack and pressing its energy on me. So I finally went in and woke up my mom. She came into the living room. 

Every 5 minutes the ghost would bug me. I've never seen it that persistent before. Kind of like saying, "I don't care that your mom's here -I'm letting you know I'M HERE." I hoped my mom would pick up on the energy or hear the noises and say something -but instead she was passed out completely. 2am rolled around. Every time I started knodding off I got a spiritual "jerk" or "poke" that startled me. Like someone tapping you on your soul which causes you to jolt up and awake. It wouldn't let me sleep. 

Mom got up to use the bathroom around 3am. She asked, "Did I wake you?" I said I haven't slept yet -it won't stop bugging me. She prayed over me and had me wear a cross necklace. It did nothing. Finally around 4pm I fell asleep. I woke up at 7am. 3 hours of sleep. FAIL. :( 

Then I went home to my apartment last night. I did my spiritual exercise in each room and immediately after each session sprinkled Holy water on the walls of each room. 

I fell asleep and wasn't really bothered until 3am. Then the activity picked up. So I sat up in bed and did the spiritual exercise again -tapping into God and the energy around me. Then around 4am its energy picked up again and the walls started cracking. That continued on until 5am when I started listening to music.

Mom told me to ask God to send me a dream that night to let me know how to gt rid of the ghost. I did ask God.

The dream I had last night involved me waking up in my old bed at my mom's house. There was a monster/ghost in the room, but it was physical like a person and kept trying to get me out of bed. The monster/ghost wasn't aggressive or frightening it just wanted me to do something. It said that I worked for the monster world it was from a while back and it wanted me to go back do that job again. I acknowledged that I was what I called a "Communication Coordinator" but that I wasn't from that world anymore and didn't want to go back. The monster thing was pretty insistent that I needed to continue on with the work I'd done before. Then I woke up.

Friday, March 14, 2014

DBV 3-14-14

"Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” – Psalm 16:1-2 (NIV)

Thoughts: Story of my life. Even when I try to make my life something meaningful, without God none of it seems to amount to much of anything. It always comes back to the soul and what really matters in life. 

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Wise Words

One of the teens from the mentoring program said something pretty insightful yesterday. 

"It's like everyone's in a video game and we're all on different levels, but some people don't play by the rules and never make it to the next level."

It's a good way to describe life.

Yesterday Was Quite a Day 3/13/14

Most of the day was lackadaisical. Then 3:30pm, with 30 minutes left of my work day, I was asked by my Marketing Manager to come into the conference room with me and he also asked the HR Manager to come in as well. I didn't think it was going to be good and I figured it had something to do with shipping. There've been 5 shipping issues that came up within the past 2 months which is pretty unprecedented. 

I got handed a Letter of Reprimand which basically says if I mess up again I'll get fired. I interned for this company from 2006-2010. They hired me full time 2011 and have been working there since. 3 years full time. And in one month they threaten to boot me. Good to know I'm so deeply valued here. 

I was hired as a Graphic Designer + Marketing Assistant. But it was also understood that since this is a small company I would also have other responsibilities -i.e. Shipping Coordinator responsible for shipping out all our products every Thursday. Last year in total I had 1 or 2 shipping errors. So why am I having so many in the past month or 2. I got to explain/defend my reasons in a Response Letter to the Letter of Reprimand. It was awesome because technically it's only about 30% my fault. Everything else was external issues that apparently no one else is aware of because - guess what - they don't work in the shipping department! I don't think a Letter of Reprimand was needed -especially with the threat of firing -when I was never asked WHY these things occurred in the first place.

Anyways so that had me feeling crappy and so I left work at 4pm to go and pick up my mentees for the At-Risk Youth Mentoring Meeting from 5:30pm - 9pm. Then on the way to pick them up, one of the girls called and said she was at her aunt's house and I needed to pick her up there. I don't have internet on my phone so I had to pull out my road map to look up her street address. It ended up adding an extra 30 minutes to Pickup Mentee Time. 

Then we showed up at the meeting. They had us start with a game which got me in a better mood because it was funny and basically just involved us looking stupid when called upon to do so. Since everyone was doing it and it was a big group it was pretty entertaining. 

Then the real exercise began and we sat at tables with our mentees and were handed a large, folded piece of paper. On the outside of the paper you had to everyone in the meeting write/describe what their first impression of you was -very honestly. Then once that was done you were to open up the inside of the paper and write down things about yourself that most people don't know about.

I decided to be very strait-forward and open with my mentees -and apparently they felt the same. 

For Mentee 1 I wrote: Pretty, Quiet, Looks Down on People, Caring to Friends

Mentee 2 I wrote: Pretty, Quiet, Smart/Clever, Gossipy

Both Mentees wrote the same thing on mine: Quiet + Mean 

Then we went around the room gathering everyone else's first impression opinions of us. I got Shy, Shy, Introspective, Quiet, Shy, Quiet, Nervous, Takes a while to open up, Shy but Open, Quiet, Shy, Smart, Artistic, Shy 

Then it was time to open up the paper and write everything about ourselves that most people didn't know. I went to town on that paper. Meanwhile my mentees weren't writing very much -mostly things like "Cutee" and "Sweet girl". I was surprised what other people (mostly fellow teens) had written on the outside of their paper: 

Mentee 1: Quiet but Wild, Nice, Stuck-up, Friendly, Shy, Shy, Only hangs out with girls she knows 

Mentee 2: Eyes, Those Eyes, Nice Eyes + Butt, Green Eyes, Smart, Cute, Eyes... 

I felt kind of bad that Mentee 2 was noted so much for her physical appearance -which may be why everyday she posts a new picture of herself posing in front of a mirror. It still shocks me that she's only 14 and has so many guys posting on her Facebook wall constantly rating her physical appearance and asking her to message them.

Finally 9pm rolled around and I dropped off my mentees. I then got to my apartment and went room to room doing my spiritual exercise/prayer. Then I got into bed. About 10 minutes in I started feeling a vague sense of presence. Then "Crack!" the walls made 2 loud snapping sounds and I knew the stupid ghost was making its presence known. My body/soul started to reverberate so I let it, trying to tap into the energy around me to expel the ghost like I had before. Then some weird stuff happened. I kept getting quick flashes in my head that were like screens of a tv that had lost its signal. I felt like the ghost was pressing up against me -trying to sink in to my body? I'm not sure. It was just weird. 

Then I eventually fell asleep. I woke up once around 2am but fell back asleep shortly after. Then at 4:00am I woke up -surprised that I hadn't been woken up multiple times before that. About 10 minutes after lying there trying to fall back asleep I started hearing footsteps coming slowly into my room. Then crack sounds on the walls started to happen again. I finally gave up and decided to start listening to music, which usually serves as a nice way to distract me from what's going on. I was just glad I got more sleep last night than usual.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Sage Doesn't Work

I got my first lighter yesterday. Had no idea how to work it. Was afraid I was going to burn my apartment down accidentally. I succeeded in not doing that. 

Sage is interesting because when you burn it you only really need to burn the top tips of it. It continues a slow burn and the smoke from it rises up. It has a heavy, almost perfumed sent like pine trees. I went from room to room, ceiling to floor burning the smoke. My kitchen got very foggy. My eyes started to burn. I started breathing in the fumes and decided: Sage must make it easier for a person to tap into their spiritual side -it kind of has this hazy effect on you. Or maybe I was just getting high off the fumes.

Either way my apartment was covered thoroughly. Then I got into bed -having also done my spiritual exercise in each room until my connection to the surrounding energy was almost tangible.

My bed covers felt lighter. I could tell nothing was pressing up against or weighing down my bedspace. I thought: Wow it's been 15 minutes and I haven't experienced anything. Yay! 30 minutes in I couldn't say the same. It felt like the entity was trying to make his presence felt at the edge of my bed but was less defined and successful about it.

I conked out quickly after that. I was dead asleep until 12:30am. Then I was awoken to the strong sense of spiritual energy being directed at me. It was pretty tense. The entity's presence was again -not solidified to a specific place but instead just sent energy my way. I got up and re-did my spiritual exercise in my room which connects me to God and the spiritual energy around me so I feel "built up" and can harness that energy to ward off the ghost. After that was established and kicked in, I fell back asleep until 1:30am. Then I re-re-did the spiritual exercise in my bed and went back to sleep. Until 2am when I was woken up again. Then 3am. Then 3:30am. Then 4:30am. Then 5:20am. Then I got up for the day.

WHAT IS THIS THING?!!!! Sage doesn't kill it and Holy water doesn't phase it and bringing Jesus into the situation only keeps it mildly at a distance. WTF???!!! Sage is supposed to keep these things away for at least 3 days. WHAT HAPPENED?! I seriously need to talk to some sort of psychic. It figures I would get stuck with some random, non-average, non-run-of-the-mill ghost that's impervious to normal spiritual remedies.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Managing the Money Mandala

Well my friend Jos as I have said wants to make mucha moolah this year. She asked me to make a "money mandala" that she could focus on spiritually to bring money to her. Jos isn't a spiritual person so she's reallllllllly stretching herself on every way possible to gain money. So I created the money mandala image and created a document outlining the best practice one should engage in to bring more money into your life. 

Personally I think it's better just to be grateful for what you have and be at peace where you are, but Jos has been working day and night for a year and a half on a women's group that is on the cusp of finally turning profit. 

Here's the image I created, which I call the "Money Mandala": 

Most of what I gathered for information on spiritual wealth retention comes from Chinese Feng Shui. The image itself is in the shape of the Alchemy symbol for Gold. A circle with smaller circles around it's edges with one in the center. The "circles" on the edges are peacock feathers -representing affluence. The center is a lotus flower in the color Ruby -the stone most associated with wealth. Behind the circle is "the world" because I found that you have to think globally to expand your mind and bring in vast wealth from multiple places. Lastly I added the echoing lines pointing towards the center -which are supposed to help propagate focus. Oh yah and the whole thing is colored in the color Gold.

The advice I found for attracting money to your life spiritually didn't actually coincide with the mandala. The advice centers around something I do best -day dreaming. 

1. Positive thinking and visualizations only work if the Positivity of your thoughts outweigh your Doubts. Believe like you've never believed before. What I would actually argue is ASSUME it will work. 

2. BE CLEAR AS DAY. Do not send muttled messages out into the spiritual world around you. Be clear what you want -and more importantly what it looks like. Sit down in a meditative space and visualize what you want and what "wealth" looks like to you. How does it feel? 

3. Allow yourself to believe you DESERVE wealth. Every time you start to feel iffy or you back out of your thoguhts of being wealthy -remind yourself WHY you deserve it. You've earned it. 

4. Remove other external or internal obstacles. You can't do these exercises right if your leg is being amputated. Make sure the other areas of your life: Emotional, Physical, Spiritual, and Mental health are also balanced and well taken care of. Also any issues with work, relationships, and other things that might distract you. 

5. Make sure this process is working for you. If it doesn't feel right and your not giving yourself over to it completely -it won't work. Find a process that aligns with you. 

6. Build your faith in the process slowly. Test it out from time to time with small examples. If this process is working I will get $50 more dollars this month than I usually do. Then see if it happens. Don't be as tide down to "HOW" it happens -focus on being open to all ways of receiving. 

7. Give it patience and time. It's not a coin slot. The universe also works in "mysterious ways" so be open to "opportunities" that come up that can LEAD to money rather than just receiving a handful of money itself.

These tips were given in a non-denominational way (meaning they refer to God as "the universe" which always kind of bugs me but whatever). I would then add an 8th tip:

8. Connect to God when you're doing this. Specifically request Him to help bring these visions and goals about. God wants to make you happy. He also wants to fulfill you in the right way with what you truly need. If any spiritual being or practice has the ability to give you wealth and abundance so you never want for anything -it's God.

Stand Off Part 3

Last Friday I spent the night at my dad's house. I needed sleep BADLY. I got tired of being woken up every 3 seconds in the night. Then Saturday night I spent the night back at my apartment. It was funny, I thought the ghost was an hour early because it woke me up at 2am instead of 3 am until I found out the next day that daylight's savings time was Saturday night/ Sunday morning.

Last night got intense. The entity wouldn't let me sleep. every 2 minutes it would downpour its presence into the room. I've perceived the energy less and less as "angry" and more and more as just generally intrusive. I've gotten annoyed with it. So I kept telling it, out loud, "Go Away!" "Leave me alone!" At one point I told it to go to the kitchen or the living room. Anywhere but my room. Nothing phases this thing. 

Finally at 11am when I was awoken after finally managing to go to sleep, I got pissed. I went into the kitchen, sat at the table and "brought God into the room". Basically it's doing the spiritual exercise of extending your arms upward and say things like, "I'm choosing to connect to God. I'm choosing to connect to Jesus Christ. I ask that you bring your light and your presence into this room. God, I ask that you uplift my soul and help it follow the Holy Spirit within me..." Then at some point you can physically/spiritually feel the energy being extended outward -filling the room. You outstretch your arms forward and feel the energy. When it's thick like that you know you've done your job and you can move on to the next room -which I did.

I sat on the living room couch, only this time I decided to try out my 2nd "pose" for the spiritual exercise. Lotus position with arms resting on your knees, palms facing upward, sitting back up strait. You end up feeling like a solar panel radiating the energy and light off of you. Again I connected to God and filled the room with the energy.

I stood in the hallway outside my bedroom and extended my arms out from my sides and did the same. Palms are always outstretched and open. When I felt the energy had filled that space I moved to the bathroom and lastly my bedroom. After that I was pretty exhausted and turned back over to go to sleep. 

5 minutes later I felt the presence again -but this time it didn't phase me. Instead when I started to feel its presence my own spiritual energy connected to and blended with the same energy I had put out into the room and I became "extended". The ghost's presence would then "fade" as it got close to me. I could feel it trying to impact me with its own energy and then the energy would dissipate. It kept trying over and over again every 3 minutes or so for the first 30 minutes. Then it was every once in a while. I started to doze off. It woke me up again at 12pm. But again it's like it couldn't penetrate the area -like there was a force field. And I didn't have to do very much of anything, my soul just "kicked in" and I felt this tingling/reverberating energy come from me and connect to the energy around me. I felt safe. 

Then at 3am the ghost ramped up its energy as it tends to. The highlight of its night. The walls started cracking loudly and there were footsteps in the living room. It's like it was pacing and trying to get in from a distance. But when it tried to come close into my room making its presence felt -it still couldn't make a dent. It was kept at bay. Personally I got tired and decided to go get some sage the next day (today) and wack it upside the head with it.

But it's interesting to discover what really keeps negative entities away isn't that God comes in and defeats it in the typical sense but that You unite your energy to Gods and bring that energy into the space around you and it creates a buffer zone that the entity can't seem to enter. 

Update: Just found out there's a "spiritual shop" that sells crystals, sage, and other metaphysical necessities 5 minutes from here. God bless hippies. If they have Holy water I will quit my job today and start working there... 

Friday, March 7, 2014

DBV 3-7-14

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." – John 10:10 (NIV)

Thoughts: One of the main reasons I don't understand why people would worship multiple gods or other entities. What do you get out of it?  God gives without asking anything.  

It also reminds me of the true enemy and what he does. Evil kills and steals and destroys. God gives life and saves people.

Happy International Women's Day

So there's an organization called CARE the supports ending violence against women. They posted something on Facebook that went as follows: 

"Marwa was in class when an attacker sprayed the room with a poisonous gas. Attacks against schools – particularly girls' schools – are not uncommon in Afghanistan. Afghan girls like Marwa have to be determined to overcome the social and cultural obstacles which prevent them from getting an education."

 Underneath the post a Facebook user commented:

"Yes even I dare u to post about these incident and post about the kunnanposhpora.... Y u r interested in those things only where u can show that Muslims are cruel they don't respect women's ....look care do u know who has given the women a great respect and right to live with education its our prophet Mohammed pbuh.....Islam is the true religion that spread truth..."

Another user posted: "I dare u to post about Dr Aafia Siddiqui.if u really care for the oppressed....I dare you to post about 14 year old *Marwa who was raped and murdered by a beast of US army in Iraq..I dare you to post about Asiya and Neelofar of Jammu and Kashmir who were raped and murdered... Come on show your courage.if u really care."

I don't think CARE was trying to villainize a Religion in this post they made, but it does raise an interesting point. What if other countries started posting Christian crimes against humanity or instances where people of other religions kill specifically because of those religions. The U.S. would actually be in pretty good stead. Unlike other countries, the U.S. has divided the line between Government and Religion. No homosexuals being put to death in America -at least not legally or regularly. Just your random acts of hatred by people claiming religion as a basis of justification. 

And even with the occasional misogynistic statements and acts made by "Christian" men, at no point do we have regular issues of people going into schools of girls trying to poison children because they believe Women shouldn't be Educated. We have psychopaths that shoot children in schools, but it is not a targeted attack towards a specific kind of person based on religious beliefs. 

Still it's got to be kind of awkward to be Musilm living in America seeing posts like this being made from countries that hold the majority of your fellow religious constituency. 

I am confused though -if Muhammad supported women being educated, then why do men in those countries who are Muslim seem to have so may issues with women being educated?

*I looked up "14 year old marwa us army" on the internet and actually found that:

"14 Year-Old Child Bride in Turkey Dies of Gunshot Wounds in Suicide"

She was suffering from postpartum depression after her second child died after birth. Her husband was on military duty.  

I also found: 

"The Mahmudiyah killings were the gang-rape and killing of 14-year-old Iraqi girl Abeer Qassim Hamza al-Janabi by United States Army soldiers on March 12, 2006, and the murder of her family, in a house to the southwest of Yusufiyah, a village to the west of the town of Al-Mahmudiyah, Iraq." 

"Spielman and Green have been convicted and three others have pleaded guilty."

 Ultimately I think everyone can agree that violence against people -but especially women and children should end. Raising awareness about the violence they are suffering from is the first step. CARE is doing that. 


Stand Off Part 2

Got home at 8:30pm last night. Sat on my bed and did my prayer/spiritual exercise. Sprinkled Holy water on the walls of my bedroom and the hallway in the shape of the cross. Got into bed. I wasn't there for 15 minutes before the stupid entity started making its presence known. Urrrrrghsszzz! 

I just wanted to go to sleep. I don't remember what happened but soon after I did konk out. I was then awoken at 11:30pm. This time by my cell phone. Why do people insist on texting me stupid things in the middle of the night when they KNOW I'm asleep???!

I fell back asleep and was then woken up at 1:30am. I did my best to keep the entity at bay and then again went back to sleep. 3am on the dot I wake up to the intense feeling of negative energy being directed at me. I was tired, drained, and kind of pissed off so I decided to bite the bullet and turn on the lights. I sat on my bed and again did my prayer/spiritual exercise. When I felt "in-tune" and uplifted by God I turned off the lights and got back into bed. 15 minutes later the presence came back. Again I got out of bed, turned on the lights and did my prayer. This time after my prayer I started saying, "I command whatever dark thing is here to leave in the name of our Savior Jesus Christ." I repeated it a couple times. 

Then I decided to keep the hallway light on until I felt the presence had either gone or daylight hit. I got back in bed to go to sleep. 10 minutes later the presence started to kick in again. I battled it out the best I could trying to match it's insistent energy with my own. I kept thinking, "This is God's space and this entity has no right to trespass into it." 

Finally after about 10 minutes of going back and forth with the thing my energy started giving out and I finally just sat up in bed and said, "I command you to leave. You don't have any right to be here and you're not wanted. In the name of Jesus Christ I command you to leave." 

I rolled back over and tried to go back to sleep. 10 minutes later the energy kicked in again and I sat up in bed and again told it to leave.

10 minute later it came back so it went for the next hour or so. Every 10-15 minutes the negative energy would come in again and I would sit up and tell it to leave. This thing is reallllly pissing me off. It's not like in the movies or the TV shows where you do as your told and spray the Holy water and command it to leave and it just instantly vacates. It's like kicking out a cock roach that keeps retreating then coming back out. 

When I get home today I'm going room to room doing my prayer/spiritual exercise and spraying Holy water on each wall while telling whatever it is to leave.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

DBV 3-6-14

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ – Matthew 25:34-36 (NIV)

Thoughts: In conclusion, those who will make their way into heaven are those who look after people in need. Those who show mercy and compassion. Those who Give. 

Stand Off

I finally got the Holy water! The church was open for Ash Wednesday and I dunked my bottle in the basin of Holy water and brought it home. At 4:45pm I went from room to room dashing water on the walls in the shape of the cross and saying "I bless this place in the name of Jesus Christ". I actually didn't know what I was supposed to say but planned to follow up when i got home later with Round 2 of blessing so didn't worry at the time. 

7pm I arrived back home and started by sitting on my bed, raising my hands up towards the ceiling, closing my eyes, and connecting to God. I said "I choose to connect to God. I ask for Jesus Christ to enter my life and bring His light into this space. May no dark, negative entity trespass into this space that I have claimed for Jesus. I give my soul to God and ask that You uplift my soul and help me follow the Holy Spirit". After about 15 minutes of this kind of prayer, I got up and again went wall-to-wall making the mark of the cross with the Holy water and saying, "In the name of my savior Jesus Christ I command all negative entities to leave." After that I did another session of sitting with my hands stretched in prayer and connection with God. I felt very warm and empowered spiritually. 

Then I turned off the lights and got into bed. I definitely felt lighter in general and could feel this energy pulsating and resonating from me. Then I fell asleep in a comfortable, bunker-like state.

11:30am I awoke to the sense of the entity. Again it felt like it wasn't specifically anywhere -it wasn't consolidated it was just and energy directed at me in a negative, angry way. I was thrown off by it at first but assured myself by thinking about Jesus and eventually fell back asleep. 

1:30am I was awoken AGAIN by the stupid entity in the same way. Again it was a general, non-solidified presence that was just directed at me in an angry, negative way. Eventually I fell back asleep. 

3am I was awoken again. This time the energy ramped up to a level I became very frightened by. It was still not solidified so I couldn't say where it was "standing" but the intensity of the angry vibes I was picking up on made my heart race and I found it hard to focus on Christ. I started hearing walking around in the living room. Then footsteps into my room. The walls started cracking. I gave up and decided there was no way I it was going to let me fall asleep again so I turned on the light, got in my bed and did my usual prayer with hands outstretched upwards. Then I grabbed the holy water and started making the mark of the cross again in my room and in the hallway outside my room.

With my soul built-up again I figured that would shut it up. It did for about 30 minutes. Then the energy began ramping up again. I ended up laying there saying over and over in my head "Jesus is my Savior, and I am His lamb" and tried to visualize Christ on the cross and His image. It was a back and forth battle of energy for a while.Then whenever I started getting sleepy and almost dozing there would be footsteps or the sound of something being messed with in the living room. Then at one point when I was laying there a sudden breathe blew in my face like someone leaning in close and purposely blowing a puff air at you. I decided to start listening to music and did that until around 6am. Then I got up shortly after.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

DBV 3-5-14

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings." – 1 Peter 5:8-9 (NIV)

Thoughts: Whoa! This was surprising -especially after the last post. Good to know God's in the same boat as me when it comes to sobriety and defeating evil entities. 

The Final Stretch

So close to ending this saga. Went to the Catholic church yesterday and found out they have a bowl of Holy water in the church -but you need to bring in your own empty bottle/vessel to put the water in. So then I went and got an empty bottle so when I go to the church today I can fill it up. I've also decided to give up coffee and hot chocolate for Lent. I hear rumor Lent lasts 40 days so I'll be coffee "sober" for the next month or so. 

You know what sucks? Constantly getting looked down on and judged for not drinking alcohol while everyone else either talks about getting drunk on wine or just enjoying the fine robust bouquet of champagne. I don't bug people for what they drink, why do people insist on making jests at me because I opt for apple cider over beer or wine? Sue me.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

DBV 3-4-14

"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." – Psalm 43:5 (NIV)

Thought: Surprisingly relateable -especially given my last post and recent activity. Trying to bring God into your soul, into the space around you, and into your life in general is quite the undertaking but without Him your soul consistently remains weak and feeble.

Spiritual Workout

As it turns out maintaining spiritual strength and presence takes practice. By doing the spiritual exercises each night like the psychic suggested the "entity" has kept away to some extent. The cracking noises in the ceiling s and walls have stopped all together. Now I just hear footsteps at night in the living room -which is fine as long as it's not in my bedroom. The feeling of the entity being by my bedside has also decreased.

But it gets hard at night. Initially lying in bed waiting to dose off your spiritual strength is at its "strongest". I focus on breathing my energy into my chest and also focusing on my head so that mind and soul are at the forefront. Envisioning being wrapped in some sort of yellow light is still impossible, so instead I usually visualize spiritual light/energy coming from above descending to me. I also focus on sending out my own energy -which when done at its greatest peak can feel suprisingly solidified. 

Unfortunately some nights you feel like a "dud" spiritually and you know your strength isn't there. You end up succumbing to fear far more than you would and your heart pounds heavier and you listen to every sound that much more closely. This is especially true when you wake up after having been asleep -usually around 12pm, 3am, and 4:30am as has become the regularly scheduled routine. You have NO strength physically and not enough consciousness to consolidate your spiritual energy. You're just tired and at the mercy of the moment. 

Things were going pretty well this past week but then Saturday I was too exhaust from the day to do my nightly spiritual practice and ended up skipping it. That night I was more afraid and woke up regularly 4 times during the night. The next day I was pretty drained and "heavy". I think when you drop the ball the power you were slowly starting to establish takes a dive -like slipping backward while trying to climb up the side of a mountain. You then have to slowly build your spirit back up again. If nothing else I can say this experience with the entity has gotten me more in-touch with my spiritual energy and what it takes to maintain it.