For Dad

My dad's turning 50 in October and I need to give a speech at his birthday party. It's suppose to be kind of a formal event with lots of guests. Here's the speech I came up with this morning:

Hello Everyone. Today we're here to celebrate the life of my dad Fred. I know with these sort of events you're suppose to go on and on about how wonderful and perfect the person being celebrated is -but I'd actually like to talk about who my dad really is. I've seen his flaws -and we all have flaws -and I think it's important if you are truly going to appreciate someone for who they are, to appreciate and accept all of them -not just the good parts. So today I want to tell you who my dad has been for me for the past 23 years of my life.

When I was 4 my parents divorced -and I don't know if any of you know my mom or knew her back then, but she had some issues,like we all do. After the divorce She wanted nothing to do with my dad, and she wanted us to have nothing to do with him as well. So she pushed for sole custody. But my dad fought for us. He wanted us in his life, so my mom ended up getting primary custody and my dad got to see us every other weekend for 2 days. That's 4 days out of a month. And he never missed any of those chances to be with us for 14 years of my life and 17 years of my sister's life.

At some point it occurred to me that a lot of other dads would have walked away from that situation. If their wife divorced them and said I'm taking the kids, you don't have to worry about them -so guys would be like, "ok". But we weren't just kids to my dad, we were his kids. We meant everything to him. So he went out of his way to be there for us as best he could. He drove hours out of his way at night to see our open houses at school and show up for events. I know on numerous occasions he would drove countless hours out of his way to pick up my sister Emily and her rabbits to take them all the way out to rabbit shows when she was in Rabbit Group in 4-H and then drive her all the way back to mom's house just so he could spend that short time being with her and supporting her.

We always had fun with dad. One of the things I learned from him is you're never too old to be a kid and have fun. I mean just look at his Lego collection. He collects Legos like women collect shoes, it's crazy. While some women will go all googly eyed over prada bags, he lights up at the sight of a collectible star wars Lego set. And he was always taking us places when we would visit like zoos, and parks, and movies, and amusement parks...

I remember when I got older and was in high school, one day I rushed outside after the last bell had rung and all my classes were over, just standing in the parking lot frantically looking over all the cars coming in thinking, Please come, Please come, I miss my dad, Please come... And then he would turn corner and I honestly felt like crying because it had felt like so long since I had last seen him and I missed him so much. I remember my dad and mom would get into arguments over he phone discussing over weekend arrangements. He was still fighting for that time to see us. And my mom would come to me and say, "Why do you care about him so much? He doesn't really love you." And I hated for that. I didn't understand how she was so oblivious to how much he cared. "I said I know he loves me. You may not like him, but he's my dad and I love him". My dad would also occasionally talk bad about my mom, but I always knew the issues they had with each other were theirs and they had nothing to do with my sister and I.

Then when it was time for college, my dad supported me through that as he has always supported me so much throughout my life. He knew I would succeed and do well. And he was there to help me out along the way -even with simple things like helping hang up my pictures in my senior art show.

But something happens to you as you get older. You start to see your parents for who they really are. You think o them as super heroes when your little looking up to them, but when you get to be around the age of a teenager you see them falling from that pedestal you put them on and you realize that they are human and they do have things they struggle with like everybody else.

My dad has quick bouts of anger. It will kind of come out of nowhere and he'll just be really angry and he'll yell. Once I was in my room working on the computer, and he came in and barked, "Unload the dishwasher", and then turned around and walked out. And I as like, OK, jeez... Like he could have said, "Hey can you unload the dishwasher?", but he just came in without requesting me to do that before and yelled at me. And then I was pissed. But I've come to realize over the years that the reason my dad does that is because he doesn't complain. He bends over backwards to help people and then when they take advantage of that or they push him around, he never says anything. So when there's something wrong, he'll try to keep it inside because he doesn't want it to affect anyone, and he just gets to the point here it all becomes too much and he just randomly explodes. I do that some times. He's just always there for people and some times they push him more than they realize.

Th other thing I realized about my dad was recently actually when he doubted me. My dad has supported me through so much for so many years that I just assumed he would have my back when I joined this new company my sister and I are now with. I would have understood some initial doubt, but he wouldn't listen to me and he told me the business wouldn't work and that I wouldn't succeed in it. It was like he was calling me an idiot for joining a company I was going to fail in. And he wasn't the only one I lost support from, but the loss of his support was greater than the total loss of support from every one else I thought would be there for me. His support has meant that much. And it was hard for me to be around him knowing that he doubted me and he didn't have faith in me. It hurt me more deeply than I'd care to say.

But I love my dad and I still appreciate him and would continue to do so to this day even if he never believed in me and continued to doubt me. I have learned and seen so many positive things from him. He is one of the most kind and considerate people I know. He's the kind of guy who, if he's standing in line at the grocery store and there's a 60 year old woman behind him carry a heavy basket, he will let h go in front of him without hesitation. He goes out of his way to help random strangers when they need it and he's polite to everyone. I haven't seen anyone be that courteous so consistently, and he taught me to be the same. Because real kindness isn't something you give because you think you have to or you think you'll get something in return -real kindness is given freely for the sake of giving itself. And that is something that comes naturally to my dad and it's the reason I am so happy to give it back to him and celebrate with him this wonderul life he has chosen to share with all of us here. Happy Birthday Dad!