Friday, June 20, 2014

I Am...

I think 2 of the main things I struggle with are feeling like:

1. I'm Not Perfect

2. I'm Not Enough/ I'm Not Good Enough 

So when we were told to take the Heart Comments and stick them on our wall and repeat them to ourselves each day, at first I didn't pay it much attention. But then, over the course of the past 2 weeks, I would stop from time to time and read the words. "I am Honest, Strong, Caring..." Then for the words I couldn't really believe I was I would say, "I am the possibility of being...".

Now that the series is over I have a total tally of all the qualities people have said they see in me. So I decided to combine them all in a graphic. I found that the biggest challenge with the graphic was continuously wanting to add more words to it because there were either other good qualities that I saw in myself that others hadn't mentioned or there were more qualities I wanted to see in myself that I didn't think I had already. So I created this compiled image of virtues and qualities: 

The words in light blue are words people have actually said they see in me (during the 5 rounds of speaking sessions). The dark blue are things I either see in myself that weren't mentioned or things I want to embody. 

At any given moment there are at least 3 words I'd like to add to the list. Even with all the things listed it still doesn't feel like "enough". But I think if I keep looking at this every day and repeating it to myself so that I can acknowledge all that I already am, then I will gain more confidence and faith in myself.

It has already helped me manage my frustration and anger -which is something I really wasn't expecting it to do. I've been pissed at my "friend" for the past week. She leads a women's group that I'm kind of been kidnapped into at this point. She keeps sending more and more stuff to do that isn't my responsibility. She makes me feel like a vending machine -out in request, get out results. One of my qualities is "loyal" and "dependable" -which can sometimes turn into a real pain when people milk it for all its worth. 

But when I look at the sheet of paper on the wall reminding me of the great things I am I feel more at peace with myself and then with life. Like I am greater than any problem that I may come to face. Like I am more than just today or tomorrow or next month or 20 years from now.

It makes me feel like I'm MORE instead of "not enough".

No comments:

Post a Comment