my birthday

February 27th.

I had trouble when I woke up that morning. I felt a strange feeling I'd normally only experienced at my mom's house. I just remember the first thing I experienced when I woke up was a familiar/ weird feeling. I felt my body go numb -not parts of it going numb like it fell asleep, or numb from cold, but a numb where my body "feels hazy". I tried shaking it off, but my body insisted on feeling numb. Unlike my mom's house, I felt calm and almost blanketed by the feeling. I just laid in bed and embraced it. After about 15 minutes the feeling went way and I got up for work. I usually attribute those sorts of experiences to when my soul becomes more prominent and my body becomes more distant. I fade out physically and it just feels like I am a presence of humming. It's just reverberations and no edge or concrete sense of self.

I have experienced this before and a couple times it has been followed by a sinking feeling like I am spinning downward inside myself or the bed is drowning me in a swirl. I'll lay their still while this is going on afte I give up trying to shake it off. The sinking feeling didn't happen this time, but I did think it was really weirder than usual that any of it occurred at all Monday morning. I figured it had something to do with my birthday, but only God knows what i meant.

Then that night I made the mistake of drinking a cafe mocha at 7pm. Couldn't fall alseep until 11:30pm. I was so tired and wired. But then as my eyes were slipping down and my consciousness began to drift I felt an ominous feeling. I became aler again, and even frightnened. I debated getting up altogether, but I figured I was just being randomly paranoid and it would go away. It felt like someone was in the room. My back was to the doorway, but it felt like someone was behind me. I got really nervous and concerned. Random feelings like that don't just happen. I usually only experience that at my mom's house, and it just came out of the blue from nothing. I was afraid to fall asleep -knowing the fact that I have had sleep paralysis and it is often triggered in that half-awake, half-alseep state. So I made sure I was perfectly conscious while I was sensing whatever had triggered my fear and the sense that something bad was there. I finally got up after 10 minutes and went on the computer. I gave up on it because my eyes hurt and were falling asleep on me, so I went back to bed. I finally managed to fall asleep.

I don't know why I was experiencing crap all of the sudden on my birthday. Nothing has happened since. Not much had happened before for a long time. It's just weird.