The Sensitive, Introspective Type: Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed,
and Temperamental
“Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and
reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be
moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling
vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from
ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy,
self-indulgence, and self-pity.”
At their Best: inspired and highly
creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.
v Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance
v Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an
identity)
v Stress: Aloof, over-involved 2
v Growth: Objective, principled 1
Key Motivations: Want to
express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves
with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect
their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything
else, to attract a "rescuer."
-Sounds like Cancer/Pisces/Taurus. “Aloof” is the
downside of an Aquarius though. Definitely more emotionally-oriented.
Zodiac Examples Listed:
v Aquarius (9)
v Gemini (6)
v Leo (1)
v Cancer (2)
v Scorpio (2)
v Virgo (1)
v Capricorn (2)
-So they seem to be leaning more towards the
Aquarius/Gemini side of life despite their Emotional description of things. I
can swing Aquarius though...
We have named this type The
Individualist because Fours maintain their identity by seeing themselves as
fundamentally different from others. Fours feel that they are unlike other
human beings, and consequently, that no
one can understand them or love them adequately. They often see themselves
as uniquely talented, possessing
special, one-of-a-kind gifts, but also as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed. More than any other type, Fours
are acutely aware of and focused on their personal differences and deficiencies.
-Self-awareness of strengths/talents/gifts as well
as imperfections. That’s definitely a Aquarius/Pisces sort of issue.
Healthy Fours are honest with themselves: they own all of their feelings and can look
at their motives, contradictions, and emotional conflicts without denying or
whitewashing them. They may not necessarily like what they discover, but they
do not try to rationalize their states, nor do they try to hide them from
themselves or others. They are not afraid to see themselves “warts and all.”
Healthy Fours are willing to reveal highly personal and potentially shameful
things about themselves because they are determined to understand the truth of their experience—so that they
can discover who they are and come to terms with their emotional history. This
ability also enables Fours to endure
suffering with a quiet strength. Their familiarity with their own darker
nature makes it easier for them to process painful experiences that might
overwhelm other types.
-Yups sounds like me. TRUTH is above all important.
Nevertheless, Fours often report that
they feel they are missing something
in themselves, although they may have difficulty identifying exactly what that
“something” is. Is it will power? Social ease? Self-confidence? Emotional
tranquility?—all of which they see in others, seemingly in abundance. Given
time and sufficient perspective, Fours generally recognize that they are unsure about aspects of their self-image—their
personality or ego-structure itself. They feel that they lack a clear and stable identity, particularly a social persona
that they feel comfortable with.
-A sense of lacking socially (and for me physically)
-makes you feel out of place.
While it is true that Fours often feel
different from others, they do not really want to be alone. They may feel socially awkward or self-conscious,
but they deeply wish to connect with
people who understand them and their feelings. The “romantics” of the
Enneagram, they long for someone to come into their lives and appreciate the secret self that they
have privately nurtured and hidden from the world. If, over time, such
validation remains out of reach, Fours begin to build their identity around how
unlike everyone else they are. The outsider therefore comforts herself by
becoming an insistent individualist:
everything must be done on her own, in her own way, on her own terms. Fours’
mantra becomes “I am myself. Nobody understands me. I am different and
special,” while they secretly wish they could enjoy the easiness and confidence
that others seem to enjoy.
-True, true. This almost fits me better than the
Type 9 personality.
Fours typically have problems with a
negative self-image and chronically low
self-esteem. They attempt to compensate for this by cultivating a Fantasy Self—an idealized self-image
which is built up primarily in their imaginations.
A Four we know shared with us that he spent most of his spare time listening to
classical music while fantasizing about being a great concert pianist—à la
Vladimir Horowitz. Unfortunately, his commitment to practicing fell far short
of his fantasized self-image, and he was often embarrassed when people asked
him to play for them. His actual abilities, while not poor, became sources of
shame.
-Yes I often imagine myself greater than I have the
capacity to be. “Dream self”. It’s one of the reasons I prefer dreams to
reality. Reality is limited.
In the course of their lives, Fours
may try several different identities on for size, basing them on styles,
preferences, or qualities they find attractive in others. But underneath the
surface, they still feel uncertain about who they really are. The problem is
that they base their identity largely on their feelings. When Fours look inward
they see a kaleidoscopic, ever-shifting pattern of emotional reactions. Indeed,
Fours accurately perceive a truth about
human nature—that it is dynamic and ever changing. But because they want to
create a stable, reliable identity from their emotions, they attempt to
cultivate only certain feelings while rejecting others. Some feelings are seen
as “me,” while others are “not me.” By attempting to hold on to specific moods
and express others, Fours believe that they are being true to themselves.
-Not sure I’ve evolved to express myself this way,
but I definitely see that I’m internally shifting and changing like the ocean
inside. I’m not consistently anything.
One of the biggest challenges Fours
face is learning to let go of feelings from the past; they tend to nurse wounds
and hold onto negative feelings about those who have hurt them. Indeed, Fours
can become so attached to longing and disappointment that they are unable to
recognize the many treasures in their lives.
-That’s a Cancer trait. I’ve outgrown it though some
past influential moments have stained/tainted my personhood.
Fours are in the same predicament. As
long as they believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with them,
they cannot allow themselves to experience or enjoy their many good qualities.
To acknowledge their good qualities would be to lose their sense of identity
(as a suffering victim) and to be without a relatively consistent personal
identity (their Basic Fear). Fours grow by learning
to see that much of their story is not true—or at least it is not true any more.
The old feelings begin to fall away once they stop telling themselves their old
tale: it is irrelevant to who they are right now.
-I’ve been learning that for the past couple of
years. You have to outgrow the past and your sense of who you once were.
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