Caring, Demonstrative, Generous, People-Pleasing, and Possessive
"Twos are empathetic, sincere, and
warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also
be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and
driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in
order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with
acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they
have unconditional love for others."
Basic Fear: Of being unwanted,
unworthy of being loved
Basic Desire: To feel loved
Stress: Aggressive, dominant
8
Growth: Self-nurturing,
emotionally aware 4
Key Motivations: Want to
be loved, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated,
to get others to respond to them, to vindicate their claims about themselves.
-Mostly Emotionally-oriented. Taurus/Cancer, Leo,
and Libra/Gemini
Zodiacs listed:
·
Taurus
(3)
·
Cancer
(5)
·
Leo
(2)
·
Gemini/Libra
(3)
·
Aquarius
(2)
"We have named personality type Two The
Helper because people of this type are either the most genuinely helpful to
other people or, when they are less healthy they are the most highly invested
in seeing themselves as helpful. Being generous and going out of their way for
others makes Twos feel that theirs is the richest, most meaningful way to live.
The love and concern they feel—and the genuine good they do—warms their hearts
and makes them feel worthwhile. Twos are most interested in what they feel to
be the “really, really good” things in life—love, closeness, sharing, family,
and friendship.
When Twos are healthy and in balance,
they really are loving, helpful, generous, and considerate. People are drawn to
them like bees to honey. Healthy Twos warm others in the glow of their hearts. They
enliven others with their appreciation and attention, helping people to see
positive qualities in themselves that they had not previously recognized. In
short, healthy Twos are the embodiment of “the good parent” that everyone
wishes they had: someone who sees them as they are, understands them with
immense compassion, helps and encourages with infinite patience, and is always
willing to lend a hand—while knowing precisely how and when to let go. Healthy
Twos open our hearts because theirs are already so open and they show us the
way to be more deeply and richly human.
However, Twos’ inner development may
be limited by their “shadow side”—pride, self-deception, the tendency to become
over-involved in the lives of others, and the tendency to manipulate others to
get their own emotional needs met. Transformational work entails going into
dark places in ourselves, and this very much goes against the grain of the
Two’s personality structure, which prefers to see itself in only the most
positive, glowing terms.
Perhaps the biggest obstacle facing
Twos, Threes, and Fours in their inner work is having to face their underlying
Center fear of worthlessness. Beneath the surface, all three types fear that
they are without value in themselves, and so they must be or do something
extraordinary in order to win love and acceptance from others. In the average
to unhealthy Levels, Twos present a false image of being completely generous
and unselfish and of not wanting any kind of pay-off for themselves, when in
fact, they can have enormous expectations and unacknowledged emotional needs.
Average to unhealthy Twos seek
validation of their worth by obeying their superego’s demands to sacrifice
themselves for others. They believe they must always put others first and be
loving and unselfish if they want to get love. The problem is that “putting
others first” makes Twos secretly angry and resentful, feelings they work hard
to repress or deny. Nevertheless, they eventually erupt in various ways,
disrupting Twos’ relationships and revealing the inauthenticity of many of the
average to unhealthy Two’s claims about themselves and the depth of their
“love.”
But in the healthy range, the picture
is completely different. My own (Don) maternal grandmother was an archetypal
Two. During World War II, she was “Moms” to what seemed like half of Keisler
Air Force Base in Biloxi, Mississippi, feeding the boys, allowing her home to
be used as a “home away from home,” giving advice and consolation to anyone
lonely or fearful about going to war. Although she and her husband were not
wealthy and had two teenage children of their own, she cooked extra meals for
the servicemen, put them up at night, and saw to it that their uniforms had all
of their buttons and were well pressed. She lived until her 80’s, remembering
those years as the happiest and most fulfilling of her life—probably because
her healthy Two capacities were so fully and richly engaged."
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