Thursday, November 14, 2013

The Call on My Calling

So I met a woman named Christine through one of our women's group meetups and she offered a free 30 minute coaching session over the phone. I thought, "Free is awesome. I'll give it a try." 

Just called today. It actually ended up lasting an hour. I was sort of annoyed by the call in some ways because Christine mostly focused on asking repetitive questions and it made me feel like whatever I would say could be copy/pasted into her next response. She was definitely listening, it just felt kind of like what I was saying was being mechanically processed. 

She would ask things like:
"Well what would that look like if..." 
"How did you feel when that happened..."
"If you could achieve that what would you get out of it?" 
"What do you see yourself doing if that were achieved?" 

But it sort of worked because I did follow a trail to some greater clarity. 

It began with: What I am up to now. 

Multiple projects such as Toastmasters, Promote Her Business, CCPY, Life Coaching, and other volunteer projects. Not to mention my full-time job and the occasional time I have to myself.

Then I was asked: What I get out of doing the volunteer/social/in-person work with different groups. 

I said I get to support people, see people grow and connect, and collaborate with others. 

Why is that important to you? What do you get out of it? 

Well I get to understand people better, get to hear people sharing more, make new friends, and gain more trust with people. 

Why is that important to you? 

I gain a greater sense of openness and acceptance -which allows me to speak up more. 

Why do you want to speak up more? 

So I can share my thoughts and contribute more to the world as a person.

What prevents you from achieving that now? 

I tend to doubt myself in those moments and don't speak up when I have the opportunity too. I've always struggled with it, but I have gotten better. But there are times I still hold back.

How do you physically feel in your body when you don't speak up and miss out on that chance?

I feel a sense of heavyness -almost like a weight.

Why don't you speak up -what do you tell yourself that prevents you from speaking? 

I doubt that what I say is right or that what I say will be rejected. I also want to hear what other people have to say.

What do you think immediately after that moment passes and the chance is missed? 

I feel one of two things: Either I feel guilty because I had something I KNOW the group could have benefited from hearing or I feel validated because I see the group carrying on just fine without my thoughts which then makes me think my thoughts DON'T matter that much. 

How do you physically feel in your body when that happens?

I feel stiff and kind of stuck in place. 

What would the future "you" you aspire to me act like? 

I want the future me to be more assured and confident. I still want to be somewhat reserved -but only out of respect. I want to speak when I need to so I can say what needs to be said at the right times without hesitation or doubt. I want to be understood clearly. I want things to come naturally without me holding back so I can share my life openly with others.

So what do you want future "you" to achieve? 

I want to speak the truth and be able to achieve my external goals I set for myself by collaborating other people and sharing my aspirations with others.

And what would you get out of that if you were able to achieve your external goals? 

I think that's kind of an end in its self. To do things that are fulfilling and meaningful.

Why? What do you get out of doing fulfilling things?

Well when you achieve that sense of fulfillment -which I actually did a couple years ago- you gain a sense of peace. You feel completely satisfied with life and complete. You want for nothing. You're content in Being.

Why don't you have that sense of Being now? 

Because life went on and it's hard to maintain a sense of peace when you're out and about in the world doing things. About 2-3 years ago I found peace in myself and decided I was in a good spiritual place of being. Then last year I set goals to step out more and be more involved out in the world so I could bring that sense of peace to others. But now I've gotten involved in too many things and I'm kind of spreading myself thin. Super busy and not really focused on being spiritually present in the situations I wind up in. Distracted by life I guess.

How long has being spiritual mattered to you? 

I've always been a spiritual person ever since I was young. It's just changed throughout the years. I used to be spiritually open and ethereal and "out-there". As I got older my spirituality became more mentally focused. I think about spiritual concepts and bigger picture ideas all the time. But I haven't been embodying it as much.

There are 4 main types of Empowerment in a person -not in any specific order:

-Our Self
-The World
-The "Higher Sense of Self" or "God", "Unity", "Spirituality"

It seems like I got set with my "Self" and God wanted to work on being connected to others and the world but kind of lost site of the first two in the process. It's hard to find a balance.

We offer programs that can help restore balance and create habits for you to be more spiritually present in life... 

The program sounds nice it's just that I'm currently working with a life coach and have multiple projects dividing my time right now. I may be free in February though since that's when my current coaching session ends and time will be a little more freed up. 

-Personally I think the price of the program is a little on the expensive side. You don't really meet in-person and it's more expensive than the program I'm currently in. However it does seem a little more in-depth and spiritually-oriented, which I like. I don't know. We'll see. Either way it's a lot to get out of a 30 (turned 60) minute conversation.

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