In-Depth Session (Part 1)

Part of our mentor training this past weekend was to experience the kinds of program lessons we'll be teaching the kid's in January.

Project 1: Failing Tendencies and Impulses v. Strengths that Need to be Developed

We were asked to examine at least 1 relationship and find what "Strong Tendecies" we have instinctually that hinder the relationship and what "Weak Tendencies" we have that need to be developed to enhance the relationship.Then we have to see what impact the negative and positive tendencies have on the relationship.

The first relationship I chose was my Sister ironically enough. She and I have been getting along pretty well lately, but I wanted to see where I was failing on my end and where I could improve. 

My 3 Strongest-Negative Tendencies: 

-I have a bad habit of silently judging my sister. She does things from time to time that I either think are unusual (like dressing up and wearing wigs) or unwise (like focusing too much on her friend's issues instead of her own). Even though my sister isn't necessarily aware of my judgement towards her, I feel it and then feel guilty for not being more accepting towards her.

-Older sister tendencies. I will step in from time to time and do things for my sister that technically she could do on her own but has been avoiding or not doing as well. In my mind I tell myself I am helping her out and removing the problems from her path, but I also realize that doing things for her is not a way to empower her to solve her own problems. It is limiting her potential and her ability to self-sufficiently overcome her own struggles.

-Tendency to not listen/write off. My sister is younger so from time to time I'll assume she doesn't know better than me and should automatically follow my lead. I'll ignore her and push her ideas/plans aside in place of my own. I should give her more credit and faith.

My 3 Weakest-Positive Tendencies: 

-I suck at opening up and confiding in my sister. I never really tell her what's going on in my world -though she tends to share a lot with me. I'm just not used to it. 

-I suck at consoling my sister. There have been times when she has cried or broken down. I've either comforted her, or more likely, either written her off and told her to get over the issue or not known what to do to help her. I feel inadequate at comforting her effectively most of the time. 

-I don't encourage my sister as much as I could. I'll listen to her ideas/plans and accept that's what she's going to do, but I don't usually encourage her or verbally give her my support. 

Results of Strong-Negative Tendencies: 

-I feel guilt, I feel negative, I feel like I'm getting in the way 

Results of Weak-Positive Tendencies (improved):

-I would feel closer to my sister and our bond would be even stronger. I would feel like I contribute more to her well-being. 

The second relationship I chose to focus on was my relationship with my Mom -which has improved greatly over the years. 

My 3 Strongest-Negative Tendencies: 

- I get easily annoyed at my mom 

-I'm not usually the one who contacts/calls her

-I don't usually trust her -I doubt her a lot (especially since she has a tendency to lie and manipulate people) 

My 3 Weakest-Positive Tendencies: 

- Sharing deeper thoughts and feelings (rather than just talking about what's going on in the moment)

-Giving honest, unbias advice (since I normally just accept that my mom is going to make mistakes and don't offer any thoughts to prevent them) 

-More Acceptance (I've come a long way, but there are times when my patience wears thin and it's hard to accept her as is) 

Results of Strong-Negative Tendencies: 

-I feel frustrated, bothered. I feel afraid to open up. I feel like our relationship is incomplete/ not whole. 

Results of Weak-Positive Tendencies (improved): 

- I would feel happier when I'm around my mom. There would be more peace and openness. Less chaos. More clarity.



The project was pretty eye-opening when you take responsibility for your ed of a relationship. There was a man who said he had been married for 25 years and he would currently rate his marriage a (C+). After 25 years you can only give it a "C"? He said the relationship was ok and it was functional. He was used to it being that way and was afraid that trying to improve things would only make the grade go lower. Why change something that's just "Eh" and not "AHHHHH!"? 

When you just accept that things are the way that they are, you also prevent yourself from seeing a greater ideal worth striving for and reaching a greater relationship with the people you care about.