Glow Stick Soul and Handing Being Over to God

#1 Glow Stick Soul 

I feel the essence of some element of nature: standing in the sand at the beach on a warm day, feeling the breeze through a giant oak by a lakeside, wandering through a shaded meadow... and SNAP! some part of my soul comes alive. 

I listen to somebody speaking truth with integrity about something deep and real and SNAP! some part of my soul abiding in my mind comes alive. 

I see two people genuinely expressing love for one another openly in front of people in a way that catches me off guard because it's such a rare moment to witness and SNAP! some piece of my soul abiding within my heart comes alive. 

I see an old clip from a Disney movie I haven't seen as a kid and I immediately resonate with... SNAP! a piece of innocence I didn't know I'd lost in my soul comes alive.

I see the divine in art, paintings, music, dance, writing, photos, and fashion... SNAP! I feel the divinity of my soul come alive. 

External life is an internal reminder of everything we are having been pu in the world. And as we're buried under, so is it hard to find elsewhere. And as we're liberated, so we find it again both around us and within us. 

#2 Handing Being Over to God

I handed my life over to God when I was 21. Maybe i was too young to know what life was. 

I handed God my job. I said if you want me to have a career as a nun, you make the call -it'll be a better decision and path than I could layout for myself. Let's see where I get led. 

I handed over my relationships. They were mostly shattered and broken and left me avoiding people, so there wasn't much to hand over and only what there was to be healed. And God did. 

I handed over my health. I was in good health, so I trusted it to mostly stay that way as people do. But when I did get sick and was in the hospital, I knew God was with me and would see me through. And God did. 

I handed over my finances. I did it pretty desperately since they were always in peril. It took a while, but God led me to let go of fear and attachment around the concept of money and an ease came through with it. God is my banker and provider. 

I handed over my fears and self-imposed limitations... to some extent. It's frightening handing over fear and you limit what limitations you hand over. But God brought me beyond. 

What I forgot to hand over at the end of all of it with the exception of a few instances was... myself. MY Life. 

I hadn't handed over my BEING. 

I did internal work for years always trying to fix myself like a house that was 30 years old and in need of constant repair. "Now I'll work on the roof and when I'm done with that I'll get to the base boards..." 

But it was always me working on me. I never let God enter in fully. 
And that's what's "off" with you at the end of the day. The ultimate repair needed. 

I got good at bringing God externally into places and aspects of my life, but forgot about WITHIN.