Dreams 10-15 to 10-23

First off let me say I've seen 2 patterns emerging here in the past couple weeks. The week of October 10th to 14th and even this past week has shown that just about EVERYONE has had relationship issues. Divorces, break-ups, people moving away, arguments, tension, ending friendships. This world took a kind of beating and a kind of emotional severing these past weeks over strained and ending relationships. 

Then there was this other issue of INTENSE negativity in terms of ideologies, beliefs, opinions, politics, social issues... whatever you feel like calling that there was a severe vibration of regurgitated speaking coming through some people, and this place in general.

and then when things started feeling wayyyyy too overwhelming, God stepped in and a kind of CALM passed over everything and it was like it was "ok" to let go of the negative and almost like the negative was just a transient distraction. 

 Dream 10/15/16: Italy has been coming up a lot lately –especially in dreams. It seems like something important for me to be paying attention to right now for some reason. I dreamed there was a woman in Italy who had passed away –but whose remains had gone missing. There was a grand-daughter looking for her, also inquiring about an inheritance she was set to receive. She found the remains and documentation for her grandfather –which seemed pretty diplomatic/wealthy/commended with valiant medals. But the remains of her grandmother couldn’t be found and it was as if she had never existed.

Dream 10/16/16: Had various muddled dreams, but one of the clearer parts involved Tracy –the leader of the spiritual women’s group I joined about a month ago. She came up to me when I was in bed and basically told me to see a spiritual person about my possible ovarian cancer. She actually said for me to ask her about that person –who I could call on for that kind of help.

Dream 10/19/16: In this dream I was running around a lot doing various things. At one point I came across a place that looked like it was from Europe. There was a giant cathedral that looked like the Notre Dame. And then there was an entire square with surrounding buildings that looked like Rome or Italy. It was very elaborate and luxurious to walk through. I also saw people kind of dressed in Roman draping. Again it’s like Italy keeps coming up.

Dream 10/20/16: At one point in this dream I walked into a room and was surrounded by large, shattered mirrors with cracks throughout them. In each mirror was a person –sometimes several people –that looked depressed, frustrated, confused, and upset. I tried to reach them, but they were trapped within the glass. I sort of understood they were in a different “realm” –not really a different dimension like SciFi nerds would call it, but more like a different spiritual place.

God Manifesting Things 10/19/16: I recently got hungry and opted for the vending machine and got some lovely peanuts for $1.50. Yesterday got hungry again, but only had $1.25. So I basically threw it up to God and said, “If you can get me another quarter for the peanuts that’d be awesome and I’ll know I’m intended to have them.” I’ve done this before with things and it DOES happen. 2pm rolls around –snack time –and I go into a staff meeting and on the table is a HUGE bowl of nuts (and some goldfish crackers). I was like, “Well played God…”

God Manifesting Things 10/20/16: Because of what happened the day before I knew I didn’t have oatmeal or anything around to really eat for breakfast –not even a slice of bread. With no time on hand to go to the store, I decided to throw it up to God again. “If I’m meant to have breakfast tomorrow, you’ll make it happen.” 9am I have a department meeting and I go in and 2 girls bring in a bag and say, “We brought breakfast burritos for everyone in honor of one of our staff leaving for a new job opportunity soon…” AND it was vegetarian –no meat!

I feel like the more “in body” I get, which is becoming easier and more pronounced, the easier it is to manifest things physically. Soul works within body and through body and God is able to come through as well on more of a physical plane. Manifesting right now is so easy. You don’t even have to try. I actually got the sense that if I look for new work right now to see what jobs I can find I’ll be wasting my time because God is going to manifest that job in front of ME and I won’t actually have to go looking for it at all. J

Dream 10/22/16: Had 2 dreams last night.

Part 1: Had a dream there was a family reunion on my dad's side of the family and we were at grandma's old house. I was flying around at one point and everyone was happy and swimming in the pool. Then at one point I looked over and saw 2 orange and white horses that were maybe 2 stories tall. I swear I've seen them before in another dream at least once. These 2 horses were galloping around.

I think the dream represents that even though my family is kind of distant and fractured now they will come back again to one another in Heaven and we'll all be happy.

Part 2: Had a dream I was trying to collect all my angel cards -of which I have many. There was one pile of cards and as I started going through it I noticed all of these negative cards in the deck. They were of different kinds of pains, torture, goblin beings... so I weeded them out of the deck and pretty much decided to throw them away, because I only seek to focus on the positive.

Then I drew several cards form that deck. The first showed a musical instrument overlaying an image of a concert space and a golden sunset. The words: "1 Year of Music" were at the topic of the card and I understood that there would be 1 year where I was musically led. I've wanted to play music for a long time -and have the talent internally in terms of creativity, but lack the physically ability to sing, play guitar, dance... It would be cool though.

The next card I drew was 2 to 3 years of women's groups. It showed women in a circle by a lake. Women's groups have been a part of my life on and off for the past 5+ years or so, so that makes sense.

The next card was a lotus flower rising above a murky pond and it had this supernatural blue hue to it.

I think all this means that, besides meditating more, I should look to my angel cards for guidance again. Or they'll find a way to get messages to me in dreams. 

Angel Cards for 10/10 to 10/16

This week has been a rough one. I'm very clear on intended future paths and positive opportunities coming up, but this world is full of so much volatile bullsh*t right now that my head is still swimming with all that toxic nonsense. 

My Card 10-09-16

Got a new Angel Card set and this was the first card drawn. It's appropriate on multiple fronts. That week was the birthday of 3 people so I was looking for gifts to give them. Then I'm volunteering for some non-profit activities coming in a couple weeks. And this time is definitely the time of giving with Thanksgiving right around the corner. 

Doreen's Card 10-11-16

Dentist has been coming up a lot lately. There's a spiritual dentist who like art and takes a holistic approach to helping her patients that is looking for a social media marketing person. The signs for dentist have been popping up a lot for me. 

*Dentist –A lot of the non-profits that I was going through for the United Way partner agency list were dental-related on the last one I was working on, which was right around the time I found out about the possible job opportunity with the dentist lady who likes collecting artwork and is looking for a social media marketing person.

*Dentist –In the car the other day on the way to visit a non-profit one of the campaign reps wanted to go over her email to a Dental company to help encourage their employees to donate.

Doreen 10-12-16

My friend Tony was someone I met at an at-risk youth mentoring program 2 years ago. We befriended each other in person then on Facebook. I've tolerated a lot of Tony's convoluted thoughts -which don't usually make much sense. It becomes harder when those thoughts are sexist or promote violence/abuse to women. Then he crossed the line -thanks in part to Trump -and I had to sever with him. I was distraught and felt sick. I went back and forth because I have this policy that says, "You can believe whatever you want and I'll make peace with it knowing that negative thoughts aren't really YOU, only mistaken beliefs you have lost your line of sight to." 

But I can't when it comes to rape/abuse/derogatory treatment towards women. I just can't subject myself to hat bullsh*t. It hurts too much. 

So I severed. And I haven't regretted it or felt bad about it. Then I saw this card like an hour after it happened and it was kind of re-assuring. You need to let the darkness side with darkness and the light side with light. Keep moving upwards towards divinity. In Heaven all will be made right and all will understand. 

I don't hate Tony. I'm not even angry or mad at Tony. I know he's a good guy underneath it all. Tony's always just been kind of lost. 

Me Cards 10-13-16

The woman who made these angel cards was having a small conference call session. It's pretty hard to get in sync with meditation and higher connection while holding a phone to your ear, but I managed. She asked us to draw cards and these 2 came up. I understood pretty quickly what they meant. Liberation = God leading me out of the pains I've been felling lately emotionally and physically. Fulfillment = God leading me TO a place of fulfillment where I can finally enact whatever major purpose I've come to this earth for. 

During the call, when I was asked what my thoughts were -after a woman had opened up about her recent struggles -all I could really say was how Valid and Helpful the cards and my version of meditation have been and how I tend to use them so it might guide some of the other people on the call that had never used them before. 

Doreen 10-14-16

Again more affirmation that my career path will work out better now that I've gotten clearer on what I really want to be doing for money/work.  

The other cool thing that happened this week is discovering a non-profit that's kind of up in the hills/mountains with pine trees around it. When I arrived I KNEW I was meant to be there. I heard about he great things they were doing for veterans and met the great staff that worked there. And then it occurred to me, if that vision I've predicted happens and the sky starts raining fire balls or something weather-related happens that's major, I can go to this place in the mountains that has a food pantry and shelter and essentially be safe. It's that place I've been looking for -a Sanctuary during "Biblical" times of great turmoil that may come. 

Dreams: Revisiting 10/11 and New Dreams 10/12

Dream 10/11: Had a very vivid, light, direct dream that was definitely more of a vision. I was with my dad and we were visiting with this older woman who was supposed to be a spiritual healer. She came up to me immediately and I could tell #1 that she was profoundly spiritual and #2 that we had a pretty instant connection. She said, “You have had abdomen/pelvic issues. As a woman and someone who has had those sorts of issues before I can always tell it in other women.”

So I explained that I had had a urinary tract infection and then 6 months later a trip to the hospital because of urinary retention that then lasted 2 months after. She then felt that part of my body and pulled out several stones representing my internal organs. She said, “Your kidneys have had issues and have been burdened. And your liver looks a little strained. But the main issue is ovarian cancer in your left ovary in particular. You need to see a doctor and possibly have surgery.” As she said this I felt calm, protected, and loved –like I didn’t need to worry because I would be taken care of. I also felt like this issue could NOT be solved spiritually and needed medical intercession.

I remembered that my family has a history of ovarian issues –including ovarian cancer and took this as a sign that this will metastasize if I don’t get it checked out and caught before it gets too bad. I also saw a table of dead fish, which didn’t make sense to me at first but I think represented me as a Pisces being dead if I didn’t do something about this. Again, the whole incident was calm and not alarming, just honest.

Needless to say I will be looking up the coverage of my Medicaid plan and trying to track down an ovarian doctor.

***Update 10/14: My step-mom hosted another women entrepreneurial party and I met some new people. One woman sold wine for OneHope –which is a foundation that contributes to multiple causes. I sit down at their table and she asks me, “Which wine do you want to try?” Normally I don’t drink wine, but the only one I’ve ever tolerated tasting was a Rose Wine. So she pours me the rose wine and as I take the first sip I ask myself, “What does this have to do with anything? Why the heck and I drinking this right now? How does this add to my life” Then the woman looks at me and says, “All the proceeds from this bottle go to Ovarian Cancer. And her words hit me and freaked me out.

So that’s when I pretty much decided it was time to do some research. My first 2 sources:

-A Colorado Ovarian Cancer info site: http://www.colo-ovariancancer.org/about-ovarian-cancer/symptoms.html

-The non-profit the Wine is supposed to go towards: http://www.ocrf.org/

And I found out the main symptoms of ovarian cancer, which runs in my family, are:

Bloating, Pelvic and Abdominal Pain, Urinary Urgency or Frequency, Difficulty Eating and Feeling Full Quick

Well sh*t. I guess we know why a 28 year old with no excuse for urinary issues suddenly had to go to the E.R. for urinary frequency that turned into an infection that turned into retention.

Then I read what the TESTS for this issue were and it’s blood tests, ultra sound, and pelvic exam –which SUCKS. I thought it was past medical crap. And then found out the only true way of knowing is SURGERY. F*CK!!! So not happy right now.

How is it we’ve got the word out on breast cancer and we can get PAP test for cervical cancer –but the “silent killer” that ovarian cancer has been so eloquently named has NO real verifiable test outside of surgery yet?????? Not happy.

Dream 10/12: Had a 2 part dream. The first part was being back in my childhood room with my toys and my sister was there. She had a Simba lion king toy and I had Nala. In olden days I had stolen Simba and not told her. In this dream I gave her Simba back and told her we were meant to share. She didn’t really seem interested in the toys –like she had moved on from them.

The next part of the dream was very important. I dreamt I was among random people and there was going to be a horse race. My horse did not have a saddle or reins. I tried getting the reins together because they were dismantled and spent most of my time focusing on that. Then a sand storm came out of nowhere and I hopped on the horse as was and rode off to evade getting buried by the sand. When the sand cleared fire started falling from the sky –like ash from a volcano.

Which leads me to the main theme/issue I see that’s been coming up a lot. I call it “Heading to Higher Ground”.

Higher Ground

I’m not sure when but at some point in the near future, out of nowhere, there will be strange phenomenon that occurs. It will be BIG. It will be intense. It will seem out of place. It won’t be subtle. We’re talking lava flowing down your street or the sky turning purple. People will be frightened and they won’t know what to do.

This is essential: Go to Higher Ground. Go to a mountain or some God-made space in nature off of the flat ground. You will be safe and taken care of on the mountain.

I feel like the gravity of this gets lost in this present time because it seems so outlandish right now. It also has echoings of priests and men in streets crying of the end of times centuries ago. And yet, this is what I continue to perceive. I’m actually going to start warning the members of my family that will listen. It’s a simple concept. If weird sh*t starts occurring for no reason and it makes no sense and puts people in danger –head to the mountains. Call on God and you will be guided.

My Life is No Man's Property

All of this started because of Trump. And yet like many men –and many children –Trump is just a product of his circumstances because he hasn’t learned to evolve beyond them. Whatever trash comes out of his mouth was first placed in there by others.  

And so it is, he preaches of self-entitlement as a man with regard to the way he is “allowed” to treat women. On top of kissing women without their consent, being alleged to have attempted rape on one woman, alleged to have raped another, and alleged to have forced himself onto a 13 year old girl for which he will stand trial in December –Trump has made it clear he is a dog when it comes to his words and actions towards women. He said so himself with this quote, which he “apologized for” and then defended by saying “All guys think this way in locker rooms –they just don’t tell people”:

“I’ve gotta use some tic tacs, just in case I start kissing her,” Trump says.“You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful – I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait.”

“And when you’re a star they let you do it,” Trump says. “You can do anything. Grab them by the p—y. You can do anything.”

This is problematic. Because a lot of Trump supporters STILL want to back Trump. And it’s hard to back someone who says offensive, unintelligible, belligerent sh*t every 5 seconds. And people could make as many excuses for his behaviors before –especially when the topics had nothing to do with them like Hispanics, Muslims, gays, and just about everyone else under the sun. But this mess has to do with ALL women. In a culture where rape and sexual assault and becoming more frequent and less frequently held accountable for –like with Brock Turner –this is a hard one for any American to defend.

And yet people who don’t think seek to defend anyway. They’re actually NOT defending what Trump said. At this point Trump could say, “Poisoning neighbor’s turkeys for Thanksgiving is awesome” and people would attempt to “agree” or make excuses for it. Most people do not THINK about what Trump has actually implied or said and only seek to DEFEND Trump as a political candidate.

Unfortunately life doesn’t exist in a vacuum and the implications of people defending this notion that men can do with women’s bodies whatever they please –especially if they’re rich or famous –is pretty much the reason Bill Cosby got away with what he did for as long as he did. They are perpetuating men’s sense of entitlement towards sexual encounters with women without their consent.

Which is what led to me to unfriend Tony on Facebook. The only person I have ever unfriended because I tried to hold myself to this notion that I NEEDED to accept the vices of people with honesty. Every time I found out someone was a racist it was like finding out someone had a secret drug addiction. I felt sorry for them and wished them to be cured of their condition. But this one crossed the line when a guy friend of mine I’ve known for 2 years basically said, “Women complain about sexual assault but have no problem buying books like 50 Shades of Grey. If they like pain, why complain?”

Thank you Donald. I have 8 relatives that have been molested, sexually assaulted, and/or raped. I have numerous friends that have also been groped, sexually abused, and raped. But hey, it’s not like rapes an issue or anything. It’s not like you have to watch the people you love be buried under by pain, suicidal thoughts, and hidden away by silence as the years pass by. Because you’re Donald Trump. You seem to know about inflicting the pain, but not so much about how it’s taken in.

Then my mom got into it. Mom’s got issues like I’ve said before and has beliefs that aren’t in alignment with reasoning or deeper understanding. It’s pretty sad when your mom basically says there’s no issue with men thinking they can do whatever they want with women, especially sexually as long as they don’t act on it. “Let them think what they want, it’s no big deal. They’re just ‘dirty words’”.

This is the reason 2 women who mom and I both know who were raped never told her anything. They confided in other family members, but never her. If she knew 2 women who she loved and was close to were raped it would destroy her. And yet she stands up for this belief that men have the right to this mentality towards treating women like objects.

And so it was I got pissed, upset, disturbed, sickened, worried, frustrated, depressed, anxious, and overwhelmed and I wrote this post to Facebook:

First off let me say how SAD it is any of this NEEDS to be said. I don’t usually “rant” on social media, but these things need to be clarified. God did not put me on this Earth so men could say behind closed doors, “I can do to Jessica anything I like. I can walk right up to her and grab her by the crotch. I am Entitled.” God did not intended these words for me, my sisters, my aunts, my friends, or ANY woman. These words were also never intended to be DEFENDED by any person. Because “boys will be boys” and “men will do with women as they please” are notions no soul was ever intended to be demeaned by.

You can call these words “sexy” or “dirty”. I say I was not intended for Dirt. I was made from the Dust of STARS. I was intended for divinity, grace, love, and respect. As God intends for ALL people.

You can say a book called "50 Shades" about a fictional woman consenting to S&M by her lover means that because a woman was Sexual that implies ALL women are Sex Objects. But there is a difference between women being sexual and women being used as the sexual property of men. I say I am a Creation of God –not an object for men’s amusement.

You can say, “Because some women bought this book, ALL women…”. I say short skirts, tattoos, an active sex life, or a book does not mean women inherently consent to being passed from man to man against their will –whether it’s in the minds of men in Locker Rooms or in the encampments of ISIS.
You can say all of these things in defense of your “political position” or a particular politician: I say no man or political party has the right to sexually grope or attack American Citizens –in rhetoric or in act. Whether that person is Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby, or Donald Trump.

And for those who claim “Christianity” –as some have shamelessly done –I say, “Love each other as I have loved you”. Because I don’t recall Christ standing around with His disciples saying, “I’m famous –I can do whatever I want to ANY woman. I can walk right up to them and grab them by the pussy.” I remember Christ befriending women and treating them as He has ALL souls. He defended them when men sought to execute them. He respected them in a time when they were treated like cattle. Don’t tell me these words aren’t just as much against God’s intentions as they are against the lives of every woman. I say these are Lies and Degradation no human was ever intended for.

-Sincerely a girl who knows God gave her a brain and free will for a reason and that reason was not to chuck them out the window and concede to the lesser thoughts of shameless men

I still don’t know how they can call it “dirty words”. Like it’s risqué or sexy or erotic… It’s like Bill Cosby telling you, “Hey I’m going to drug you’re drink and rape you” and you reacting with, “Ohhhh I’m so horny and turned on by that.” How the hell are women aroused at the notion of Donald Trump going up to them and grabbing them by the crotch???

It’s because they’re NOT. They just aren’t thinking about what they’re saying. All they know is it sounds like a good defense of the man and they just run with it. 

Dreams/Visions 10/10 and 10/11

Dream 10/10: I dreamed I was in a group and they asked me what my symbol was for my life. I wanted to say the Pisces Yin/Yang logo I created many years ago, but it didn’t quite seem to apply. So instead I just went for it and explained the angelic mermaid symbol*** and what that represents –which is interesting because that came up a lot for me the day before this dream.

Then I dreamed the group –which apparently was part of the non-profit I worked for, wanted to expand by moving into a bigger building. Trump had a 48 story building available with rooms to rent and so they went to go look at the rooms only to find the rooms were fake and made of cardboard. They appeared good, but weren’t structurally sound and were falling apart behind the scenes. Trump was still going to try and sell this space to them in spite of knowing this.

***Angelic Mermaid Symbol: This has been coming up repeatedly for me over the past year or two. Mermaid: Women of the Ocean = Pisces. Delving deep into understanding and fathoming great depths of concept. Water being one of the most spiritual elements, given the fluid nature of spirit itself. Oceans are vast and have been parted, walked on, and used to baptize. Water is the Sacred being present on Earth. The mermaid with angelic wings is also unified with Heaven. Not just a being of the sea or of the earth in a spiritual way, but able to rise into the Heavens themselves. This symbol represents 2 seemingly contradictory worlds coming together in unity and harmony –like the sky merges with the ocean when you look off into the distance. The sea reflects the sky reflects the sea. And so Heaven is reflected onto Earth and the 2 worlds merge into 1.

Dream 10/11: Had a very vivid, light, direct dream that was definitely more of a vision. I was with my dad and we were visiting with this older woman who was supposed to be a spiritual healer. She came up to me immediately and I could tell #1 that she was profoundly spiritual and #2 that we had a pretty instant connection. She said, “You have had abdomen/pelvic issues. As a woman and someone who has had those sorts of issues before I can always tell it in other women.”

So I explained that I had had a urinary tract infection and then 6 months later a trip to the hospital because of urinary retention that then lasted 2 months after. She then felt that part of my body and pulled out several stones representing my internal organs. She said, “Your kidneys have had issues and have been burdened. And your liver looks a little strained. But the main issue is ovarian cancer in your left ovary in particular. You need to see a doctor and possibly have surgery.” As she said this I felt calm, protected, and loved –like I didn’t need to worry because I would be taken care of. I also felt like this issue could NOT be solved spiritually and needed medical intercession.

I remembered that my family has a history of ovarian issues –including ovarian cancer and took this as a sign that this will metastasize if I don’t get it checked out and caught before it gets too bad. I also saw a table of dead fish, which didn’t make sense to me at first but I think represented me as a Pisces being dead if I didn’t do something about this. Again, the whole incident was calm and people –not alarming, just honest.

Needless to say I will be looking up the coverage of my Medicaid plan and trying to track down an ovarian doctor. 

Dreams: 9-30 to 10-09

Dream 9/30/16: Had a dream I was back at my grandma’s big house out in California. Only Leonardo DiCaprio owned it. My sister and I needed a place to stay and he basically said we could stay there as long as we wanted to. So we were hanging out in the pool and having a great time swimming. I woke up with this understanding that my grandma was MEANT to have that particular house and certain people are MEANT to be in my life that will give me shelter/protection/help when it’s needed.

Dream 10/03/16: I’ve been having a lot of dreams about my step-sister Sarah and her family lately. Dreamt I went back to Oakdale and was at my mom’s house and I was in Elementary School again. I initially got excited because to me that meant I could draw, run around, read, and do whatever I want with very little work being imposed upon me. Then the dream changed and I was 15 years old and Sarah and I had to go back to High School again. I was upset because I knew it would mean a burden of paper work for stuff I’d already done and already knew. It seemed like a waste of my time. I think the dream means I’m meant to live a more fulfilling, creative life –not just sit behind a desk doing data entry.

Dream 10/05/16: Had a dream that I and someone else who was a friend were deeply driven to compete with my sister Emily at Pokemon. I had a couple Pokemon but they were at lower levels –like 17. Emily of course had a superfluous amount of them at levels from 45 to 90. I felt deeply competitive –almost in a dark, insecure way –towards Emily. I know we have some very minimal instances of rivalry, but this was ridiculous…

Dream 10/07/16: This dream seemed random in terms of content, but very purposeful in terms of symbolism. At one point in the dream there was a guy who was an architect that I befriended. We flew over a city and he showed his designs for various businesses and shopping centers –which looked very immense and impressive. We were discussing architecture and I mentioned Italian architecture was my favorite.

Then the dream changed and I walked into what I thought was my step-sister Sarah’s kitchen in her home. Then I saw it was a huge grocery store/restaurant. You could go down any aisle you wanted like a giant fridge and get ANYTHING. You could put it on a plate and cook it in the kitchen section of the store. They also had pre-made hot food. I asked her what that place was and Sarah said it was a community grocery store/kitchen/restaurant. For a monthly fee of $40 you and your family could get whatever you wanted as frequently as you wanted from the store.

We then sat down in this building and ate food together: Sarah, her husband Thomas, their daughter Adelyn, my step-dad Dean, and a new daughter they had just adopted that was an African-American girl about 7 years old. They then offered me a plate of Italian lasagna, but I said there was too much garlic and it was too much “Italian” even for me. 

Then I woke up and knew that for whatever reason ITALIAN was important. It kept coming up and I have no idea what it pertains to, but it matters pretty deeply. The African-American girl was also significant, but I don’t know what she represents.

Déjà vu 10/7/16: I remember VIVIDLY either a dream or something like it where I was entering in data for partner speaker surveys from MHUW. I remember in the dream thinking, “What the heck is this for” because I was focused so intently on updating the information. And there I was today filling out that EXACT SAME Excel sheet of data. It was like a flashback from a dream.

Dream 10/08/16: Had a very vivid dream about wandering in an open fields and various saints I have never heard of appearing to me. One was a great man who kind of looked like the "white" depictions of Jesus. He said his name was Saint F??? Sh?????. I think he was Scottish? He was very warm and embracing and he hugged me and was abundantly happy to see me. Then there were 2 women saints. One was wearing a blue dress and had very longggg brown hair that was wavy. The other woman I can't remember very well -even though I talked with her the most. I was warned that a drought and famine were coming, but that everything would be ok and God would provide for people.

Dreams 10/09/16: I had about 5 different dreams last night. The first was about work, only the office was much more fun and creative and they were giving me bigger projects to work on. I was also bonding more closely with some of my co-workers and really getting to know them as people.

In the next dream I was flying around my grandma's old house. I've had several dreams now that involved me hovering/flying -and several dreams about my grandma's house. Not sure what it represents, but I like flying, I'm pretty good at it :)

Then I had a dream I was riding a bike at night down a country road and all of the sudden space aliens flew in from above. I debated whether or not to allow them to abduct me. I opted out, was pretty frightened of that possibility.

Then I dreamed I was wandering through a Target store looking for shoes to buy. When I woke up I realized I really should get new shoes. My shoes now can NOT withstand snow and I can't wear my snow boots to work -which sucks in my mind. Being "nicely dressed" seems stupid if it can't withstand the natural elements. So I'm going to get new shoes today when I go to Target. 

The Utility of Humanity

Frustration. 

I don’t like this languaging. 

A lot of times in non-profits dealing with people who are homeless, disabled, blind, disadvantaged, abused, neglected, mentally ill, human trafficking victims, domestic violence victims, suffering from cancer, low-to-no-income… It always comes back to this languaging. “We help to ensure these people will obtain Self-Sufficiency so they can be happy, productive members of society.”

You have to understand if you want to get people to donate to your cause you have to generically convince a mass audience that what you’re doing is worthwhile.

And what’s the one thing all people agree is important: MONEY. Not just success and happiness, but MONEY. Because if someone’s making money –then they’re good and there life is swell and you need not concern yourself with them further. Just put them through the process, crank out the machine, and make them duplicated business people.

Don’t leave them a burden. 

Don’t leave them a stain on society. 

Don’t leave them a mess for somebody to clean up. 

An obligation. 

An annoying inconvenience.

So there’s this languaing that develops where it is understood: You are NOT and end in and of yourself. You are a means to an end and all people want is for you to be useable. We want you to be malleable, productive, and contributory. We want to invest in you, so we can make a return and get something back for ourselves.

At no point is it ever said, “This child was abused at a young age, had parents that neglected them and did drugs, and was later trafficked on the streets for profit. Let’s CARE for this person and see their wounds healed. Let’s see them brought peace, fulfillment, and have a vision for a Real future. Let’s hand them back all that was taken and more.”

It is only said, “Let’s make this at-risk, troubled youth productive and stable so they can achieve self-sufficiency.”

Empowering someone to lead their own lives in a meaningful way is not the same as making sure they hold down a 9-to-5 job and calling it good. 

Humans that are silent, invisible, broken, and vulnerable are only spoken of in the language of Utility.

Dreams, Deja Vu, Visions 9-21 to 10-2

Dreams 9/21:

Dream Part 1: I dreamed I was tracking various kinds of non-profits in a spreadsheet. 3 particular kinds emerged –one clearly had to do with nature and one had to do with heart/human compassion. After I woke up I thought about it and it reminded me of the spiritual spreadsheet I did on where I was at with regard to various causes. I’m tracking non-profits in spreadsheets at work, but there’s synchronicity with the spreadsheet I did tracking which causes mean the most to me and I tend to care most about.

Dream Part 2: Dreamed there was a non-profit for dogs and cats I was contributing to.

Dream Part 3: I dreamed pretty vividly of Sponge Bob standing outside his pineapple house drawing a graph in the sand that he then titled his “friend zone”. He then sought to add as many people into the graph as possible so he could attract friends. The amount of people grew and pretty soon he had his own kingdom. Then somebody else came in and tried to take “control” and be king and Spongebob was like, “That’s not the point. The point was uniting friends –not controlling an entire people.

Dream Part 4: There was more non-profit stuff going on. Then I met up with my friend Nina and we watched sill videos and I got to ride in the back of a truck.  It felt freeing and like we were just having fun and really living. I think that’s a good point. Non-profits are supposed to add to life, not distract you from it. They should make you feel like you’re genuinely engaging and living –not working.

Dreams 9/23:

Part 1: I was wandering through the woods and hanging out with people –pretty light and contented. Then someone asked if I was looking after the baby animals. I said, “What baby animals?” and then they showed me a BUNCH of different baby animals that were around –foxes with babies and owls with recently hatched babies… and then I saw an aquarium/zoo and they even had an orca whale with a baby orca.

Part 2: I went to go to my dad’s old house to watch our 2 dogs. They were running around in the front yard and I noticed there were a lot of Ghost Animals around. Then I realized there were a LOT of ghost animals around the world. That these ghosts hadn’t been crossed over and were carrying a lot of negativity and “weighing down” the spiritual energy of the planet.

Part 3: Had a vivid dream of being in some kind of store. Then I got on the ground and started opening up the internal pockets of my jacket and there were beautiful books edged in gold leaf with peoples’ names written in gold on their covers. I called out each person’s name and each book matched with the name of a person in the room. They were surprised to be called and LOVED receiving the books out of nowhere. I think the books contained knowledge about themselves and their lives. Then I went to pull out what I thought would be my book and instead ended up pulling out Lord of the Rings 1, 2, and 3 –which I’ve been meaning to get and have felt compelled to watch lately. 

Part 4: Had a dream my step-sister Sarah was cleaning out mom’s house since she’s moving –and was in Emily’s (my sister) room. She was getting rid of her old toys and throwing them into bags. Then this image popped into my head of this writing book my sister had lost and had desperately tried to find. She actually named it “Starkle”. I told her to keep an eye out for it –my sister had said there were important things written in there that she needed to write a story. Then 2 minutes later Sarah found it! This is kind of interesting because my sister called me yesterday and said she wanted to write with me and bounce writing ideas back and forth.

Dream 9/24: I was in India and an Indian woman was talking to me and she said, “When a spiritual leader comes you don’t hesitate. You follow them. Like I did with Gandhi. Where he walked, we walked. Even though my child sometimes was stubborn or had trouble keeping up –you would not stop. I would carry him. You go where the leader goes.”

Dreams 9/25:

Part 1: Yet another dream about Excel Spreadsheets and non-profits. This is what you get for spending 3+ hours each day looking up various non-profit info. In the dream I was at work looking up non-profits and adding their info to Excel. Then my friend/co-worker Michelle asked if I wanted to go to McDonald’s –which felt like a regular thing I would do in the dream. I don’t remember if I debated over the health implications of eating McDonalds that regularly but I did when I woke up. I haven’t been eating very healthy foods for lunch every day at work –one week it was just microwaveable mac and cheese every day. Which is why this week I went with Salads, Bananas, Apples, Avocados, and Veggie Soup.

Part 2: Dreamt I was at a non-profit event and this man came up to me and said, “Ok you’ll be speaking 3^rd today…” And I was confused like, “Wait? I’m speaking??? About what?!” And he said I had to give a speech about the non-profit I work for. At first I felt kind of lost and like I couldn’t remember anything, but then I kind of felt like I had it and would do ok. Then he came back and said, “Never mind, your portion has been cancelled.”

Dream 9/26: Had a dream I can’t remember that well. At one point I met and befriended the Property Brothers. Then at some point that changed into a dream that basically emphasized the difference between what a non-profit claims to do and what they actually do.

Dream 9/27: I dreamed I walked into my sister’s room and it had painted wall murals that had kingdom/medieval theme for kids going on. Like a Shrek thing without the ogre. So I told my sister I would repaint it and showed her pictures of wall murals from Italy. I said I’ll kind of stay to the theme of “enchanted castle” but in a mature, beautiful way that’s reminiscent of classic Italian art.

Then later in the dream, my mom came to me and she brought me a Christmas present. I opened it and it was a Goo Goo Dolls (one of my favorite bands) cookie to eat. I was happy and split the cookie with her. When I remember the dream I knew logically that it was my mom, but in terms of personality didn’t seem like my mom. She seemed nicer. It may have been a depiction of how things are meant to be –rather than the way they are right now.

9/27 Intuition: Weird way of picking up on stuff that’s coming. Lately I’ll look at my phone right before someone calls. Today while I was focused on a project at work I suddenly remembered another task I’d been given to do 2 days before. 2 minutes later I got an email from my boss reminding me of that project. Then at 11:30am I smelled bbq chicken and even kind of wanted bbq chicken but there was none. But I swore I could smell it vividly. Then at 1:15pm a couple hours later someone brought in bbq food for the office. I’ve also been having déjà vu off and on at Home.

Dream 9/28: I dreamed my dad bought a giant RV trailer to live in. I blame him watching the Tiny House show on HGTV for this dream. I had a room in the giant trailer and was having a hard time figuring out how to get all my stuff into the trailer while also acknowledging I wanted to find my own place soon.

Then the dream went on and I moved out of the trailer and got a job as a nurse. I was pretty calm when it came to handling people’s wounds and illnesses. I liked caring for people.

9/28 Intuition: Was driving in the car on my way to work and at one point the sun’s glare got so bad it was hard for me to see the road. Then this phrase kind of came to me and it sounded like a Buddhist/Indian person saying it: “When there is glare it is hard to see.” And it made me try to figure out what metaphorically was being said –which was challenging at 7:45 in the morning.

So I thought, “What does glare represent? The sun is bright and warm –something good is distracting?” Then clarity came to me and I understood that “glare” referred to something imposing, hard to ignore, and distracting. Something that you’re kind of in or have to face. So I realized that for me meant The Workplace.

And then I thought, “So what is hard to see then?” Then I realized SPIRITUALITY. Basically the message meant that my job and career work in general was kind of a glaring distraction from “seeing clearly” in terms of intuition and spiritual connection. This environment clogs up internal/spiritual functioning and makes it harder for Heaven to come through you.

I’ve decided to try and find some visual representation of spirituality to have around externally to Remind me throughout the day to connect to God and keep my mind/being focused on greater things.

Dream 9/29: Had a lonnnnggggg drawn out dream about talking to people and doing lots of things –and I know that’s what it consisted of –but the only vivid portion of the dream I can distinctly recall is looking at rocks that had gemstones in them and collecting the different gemstones rocks. And that just sounds so much like something I would do. Important stuff is going on and then I’m like, “OHHHH!!! Shiny gemstones!”

Inclusivity Issue #3 9/29: Got in trouble for not attending the full meeting for our department because I was in an eWay training session that ran over and had other things to do afterwards. Also got in trouble for not opting into an optional group outing. "You need to include yourself in more things." Right. Because inclusivity matters here. Except when it comes to people sharing Thoughts and yah know, things like that. Then not so much.

Dreams 10/1:

Part 1: Flashes of past murders that had occurred and file cases being looked up online. Then I see them happening live via what looks like hidden camera footage and victims that would otherwise be dead are managing to escape and get away -either because God guided them or someone intervened.

Part 2: Went on Facebook and saw my friend Amy posting pictures of her trip to Mexico. Then when I saw the pictures it was like I was there and transported to Mexico. I was wandering around like I just arrived at Disneyland. And this is kind of true, when I see pictures my friends post of exotic locations I do try to envision myself there.

Part 3: I was part of a girl group that was in an exclusive kind of school. We were sort of "glamping" and trying to work on different projects. At one point we were by a pool and a ghost started frightening/bothering the teacher. So I got up, walked over to it, and crossed it over like it was no big deal. The teacher then thanked me and none of the other girls treated me any differently.

Part 4: This dream is hard to get ahold of. I was working in a hotel/airport and was sending people down this waterway. I had an excel spreadsheet that told me where each person needed to go -mostly based on where they were at in terms of spiritual growth. Then this one person came up to me and asked me if I knew the Buddhist story of the boy, the monkey, and the sacred gingko tree. I saw the story vividly in my mind and told him, "Yes of course I know that story." And it seemed to have some moral lesson or piece of wisdom attached to it that I was meant to know. Not actually sure if I do know the story though -I certainly can't remember it, but it seemed important.

Futuristic Understandings 10/2: Right now the world IS coming together. It seems like it's falling apart, but there's more solidarity and unity than ever. Today I got the understanding that the primary reason this is happening is #1 because Earth is rising closer to Heaven and #2 because the negative influences of Hell are also rising and trying to claim everything before it's lost to them forever. The last part seems to be coming up in terms of relevance to now. I think the day will come soon when the "third eye" of people is opened and they start "psychically" perceiving of entities in general. When that happens -and it may happen abruptly -people will panic, react in fear, think they are going crazy, and generally find themselves tormented by negative entities. Those that know this territory already will then step in to guide them and bring them back to a calmer path. It feels like this will happen sooner rather than later.