Death and Passing

As often happens during times of transition, the old dies away and you can feel a strange sense of mourning, sadness, and loss over it. And as usual with me, I'm fearful again that I might physically die. 

It's confusing for a soul that has rarely and almost never lived past the age of 30 in any previous life to go through these transitions around the age of 30 and then have to discern whether it's truth or paranoia. It feels real. Like I might actually die because past dreams I've had seem to indicate it. 

But I've experienced this at least 10 times now and it gets old always having to fear on a spiritual level whether your physical experience in this world will come to an end. 

I want to die in peace. Whether it's in old age or tomorrow, at the end of the day, I just don't want the old way of dying. I don't the pain, the darkness, the fear, and "mortality"... I don't want to suffer death or in death. I asked that it be peaceful. 

From there I do see what's dying off is mostly things I held onto in the past I'm being led to let go of and move on from. Letting go of attachments to animals is hard. I think nature is rumored to be in there as well. I've clung to nature because I felt my soul when I connected to it in a world devoid of spiritual essence. But now I'm told, what if the world wasn't? Would you cling to nature as much? 

You would only see nature -not attach to it. You would feel it and connect, but not attach. 

I've exalted and paid homage to the animals I drew from most. Horse, deer, black panther, dragon, recently the black wolf, and now the tiger. I also did the same with some spiritual people and influences I had drawn from. I pay homage mostly through art. I can walk past them everyday on the walls and I stop and take notice and am in awe of them. It's how I continue to pay my respects and remember what I'm connected to but am no longer attached to.