*Full disclosure -this blog's going to be a little disjointed and seemingly random in some ways. I've spent the past 3 days writing it out off and on.
I'm meant to be a writer. I've suspected this for a while but have kind of been in denial because it's not something that I necessarily want to be. Especially getting out of introverted-overly-reflective mode I've been in and entering into direct physical engagement with the world, writing just seems old and like something the world doesn't want/need anymore. I also look at the writings of Lao Tzu and think, "You can't go beyond that -it's already there and written out."
But I've been asked the past 2 days to reflect on who I am. We're lost in the midst of external and internal transition in this world where the old is dying and a new is being born and it's still existing simultaneously and it's all muddled and still getting sorted. So I've been lost and trying to navigate. And I sat on the couch and looked over at my bookshelf and FELT the nature of each books and the books as a collective and suddenly found myself. I felt my soul. I saw myself reflected in it.
I am my bookshelf and it brought me back to myself.
Those books are what I kept because some part of my soul awakens and resonates with them. And I remembered who I am on the weekends when I'm to myself away from work and back in soul and I remembered me.
I was led to watch the movie Never Ending Story. One of the things that came up was as Bastian read the book it became clear he was being sensed and heard and was known to those in the story and was an extension of it.
1. These books are like portals that can open windows into our sight of other things beyond ourself.
2. These books are embedded with energy. The essence of the creator is in there.
3. These books can be art. They don't have to be copy/paste, you can get more creative with it.
4. These books represent -as in the movie Never Ending Story -that we can view life, label it a story, and conceptualize it as much as we can be IN IT. Especially if the books are about something real.
I was also meant to look at the Luck Dragon. I was born in the year of the Dragon in Chinese Astrology and have been drawing dragons since I was a kid. This last Christmas my sister gave me a wooden dragon to piece together, which I've also painted. The understanding of dragons is that they are varied as much as people and some bring good fortune and are linked to some souls on Earth.
I'm meant to trust the dragon I'm connected to. You leap, he follows.
These transitions are so hard. I have been struggling.
The world on a spiritual level has been pulled back and forth between Heaven and Hell for over 5 years. Starting at 2010 and ending around 2018.
Then to be so deeply shifted on a soul level -constantly expanding and healing and transmuting and changing for the past 3 years or so... It's hard.
Right now I'm balancing out Pisces Energy with Sagittarius influence to reach balance. From December to this May, Jupiter is in Pisces. Pisces will be expanded and led to affluence and empowerment. Right now is the shadow period. I'm still transmuting the old mental pains and shadows and am also now taking on new physical shadows because Sagittarius is more physically-oriented.
I am hungry much more frequently and have wayyyy more energy than I'm used to and feel like taking on the world. I know have to step back and let myself rest where before that's mostly all I did. Now it's a challenge.
I'm also being led to let go of my connection and attachments to animal spirit. It helped to navigate spiritually and physically to draw from different animal energies. Horse in particular brought balance. But today I woke up and felt genuinely Human. I never wanted to be purely and only human -it felt like something you conceded to when the soul of your being can take on and be so much more. But the past is being honored and let go.
Right now I'm also being led to reflect upon my mom and dad.
Mom's way is being charismatic and overtly affectionate and loving. Then her shadow is being wrathful and seeking vengeance and acting out of anger.
Dad's way is -the way I used to be, the Pisces Way -is being peaceful and calm and bringing support in a grounded way. His shadow is being emotionally distant and more passive, isolated, and evasive.
I'm being led to be more loving. I forget love most of the time and am surprised when I feel it or am reminded of it. But I can feel my heart more. The down side is addressing the shadow of feeling more anger and wanting to push people back and away. So that has to be transmuted as well. I'll find balance, keep my peace in my mind and soul, and then venture into being more loving.
And I find myself remembering I'm entering into a period now where I'll finally be able tor relax and enjoy life and I keep thinking, "How?... I don't know how to enjoy life." I know how to persevere life. I know how to outsmart life. I know how to transmute darkness in life. I know how to heal from life. I knw how to walk through Hell in life. But I've forgotten Heaven. How do you abide in Heaven here and just live freely and ENJOY life?
And then right now I'm being led towards constantly being told to stay in Balance and Neutrality (light neutral). And I want Heaven because I still see Hell around. But you can't aim for Heaven -especially during this still overtly transitionary time. You have to stay in Neutral.
Sometimes I think that it's like this:
(Evil/Pain//Hell) --- (Dark Neutral/Raven) --- (Pure Neutral) ---(Light Neutral//Like Legolas) ---(Light/Heaven/Love)
Other times I get reminded it's more like this:
Heaven/ Hell (Duality) ----- Light Neutral/Dark Neutral (Balanced Duality --- Pure Neutrality (The Universe/Space)
Our little planet has just been hit hard by Hell and then Heaven, but beyond here things aren't the same. The universe -with all it's starts and planets and galaxies -isn't "good". And it isn't "bad". It's just space. And it's open and vast and varied.
No comments:
Post a Comment