Sunday, October 18, 2015

A Queer Day

I watched Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time yesterday. I had multiple opportunities to see it before, and I understood it was a "cult hit", but was never really int he mood for it. I always figured it just "wasn't time" yet. 

God works in interesting ways. And I think He aligned various events to converge as He often does. So shortly after watching the film, a friend of mine posted this article on his Facebook and said, "Leave it to humans to make life complicated":

The article is about various sexual identities other than Straight, Gay, and Bisexual. Other people then commented on his post saying that it was all made up bullsh*t and a waste of time. I was the only one to comment to the contrary:

I know it's not a popular opinion, but I like this new found attempt

to understand different identities because it opens people's eyes to

the fact that we don't all love/find attraction in the same way -not

just based on female/male gender but the way attraction itself 

works and the many forms it can take.

And so in the full interest in transparency I will attempt to explain my "sexual identity" and what I learned form watching Rocky Horror. 

Firstly let me say I acknowledge Tim Curry is in touch with a very dark-side understanding of well... darkness. He's played the evil clown in IT. He played Satan in Legend. And in this movie he plays someone who is hyper-sexual and in some instances violent. 

The movie was made during a time when transvestites were first openly being acknowledged and were openly feared. So the movie was kind of poking fun at "clean, white bread" people who act pure and innocent being just as stereotyped into that lie as people who are transvestite. Since trans people were being treated as monsters, Dr. Frank (Tim Curry) was essentially a take on Victor Frankenstein. There was also some reference to being space aliens. 

Basically the film argued, what people fear as homosexuals and transexuals "being different" is really just a fear of sexuality itself -which people ultimately don't fear, but instead secretly desire. They can thus be "converted" into "monsters" themselves. 

Anyways, sub-plot to the side, the thing that got me most was how impressed I was with Tim Curry's CONFIDENCE. He never coward, or flinched, or gave any kind of notion that he did not "own" his entire existence. The main "couple" in the movie was riddled with insecurity, but Tim was constant in confidence until the end when you find out that all he really wants is LOVE and to not be so alone in the world. 

As for my "identity" I'd first have to lay the groundwork for a few other identites first.

1. Sex = What you were physically born as -Male or Female

2. Gender = How you identity your self as a sex Internally and with intentions of it being mirrored Externally -Meaning someone could be born as a Boy but identify as a Girl. 

3. Heterosexuality = Attracted to someone Physically of the opposite sex

4. Homosexuality = Being attracted to someone Physically of the same sex

5. Bisexuality = Being attracted to someone Physically of Either sex

6. Pansexual = Being attracted to someone Emotionally/Physically of ANY Sex or Gender

So really what you have are 2 MAIN identities that need to be distinguished. What is your GENDER identity and what is your ATTRACTION identity. 

My Gender Identity is: I was born female, but am not very Feminine. I don't carry that much about my physical appearance in general. I don't usually wear dresses, I hate high heels, and the color pink can go screw itself. I have stronger leanings towards Masculinity -but mostly in Thought Process. I don't dress like a guy, I'm not a "macho man", I hate male ego, but I identify more "masculine" than feminine in personality. I'm more or less balanced, with masculine leanings in terms of Gender. 

My Attraction Identity is a little more complicated: 

I acknowledge that I am attracted to some men physically and some women physically -but not ALL. I'm usually attracted to Personality, Empathy, Spirituality, and Honesty -which are present in Both genders and sexes. 

I do not desire to have sex with a man. I actually find the concept kind of a turn off. If I was to have sex I would rather it be with a woman. But I do NOT desire sex in general and never really have. Society seems to want me to lust more than I actually do. Just not that interested. 

I would rather be married to a single person for 30 years with no sex at all. That would be a great relationship for me. 

As far as "types" go: 

I am not attracted to people who are "high maintenance" and overtly sexual. I am not attracted to Channing Tatum, Ashton Kutcher, Megan Fox, Kim Kardashian... I am actually UNNATRACTED to these people. 

Keira Knightley, Jennifer Aniston, Milo Ventimiglia, Jonathan Scott... More empathetic, mindful, caring people. 

I do acknowledge physicality and Physical Attributes to account for some amount of attraction. But nothing KILLS attraction for me like EGO, conceit, vanity, arrogance, disdain, and bigotry. Beliefs and attitudes towards others as well as spiritual presence resonate more with me when it comes to romantic attraction. 

So what does this make me? I'm sort of Bi-Sexual but also sort of A-sexual. I acknowledge I can lust, but have No interest in it and even less interest on acting on it with another. I want long-term committed relationship of meaning and quality and I don't honestly care if it's with a man or a woman. 

For people who are simply straight, life is uncomplicated. But for those who's life isn't as cut and paste, it is important to acknowledge Who you are and What you want in a relationship -if you want one at all. And unfortunately the only "identities" being represented right now are Hetero, Homo, Bi, and quite recently Trans. But there is an entire SPECTUM here. 

It's like ignoring the existence of a rainbow in preference of only the colors you "like". I only acknowledge Blue, Purple, Green, and Red. You say "Orange exists" and I say "I don't care because I don't need orange or want orange". These identities aren't being mentioned because they serve you in particular, they are being mentioned because they EXIST. 

The best comparison I can make is an overt one. Since these identities are internal, let's compare to one that's external because the fact is this phenomenon of ignoring identities exists within Race as well. 

Black people exist. White people exist. Sometimes White/Black mixed people exist. And that's it. 

Except that it ISN'T. Sometimes White/Black/Hispanic people exist. A Tri-Race person can exist. 3 equally prevalent ethnic identities. These people are a Minority within a Minority. Because the minority itself is generally ignored, those within a sub-minority are even more INVISIBLE. And they EXIST. 

The bottom line is that it matters to see the INVISIBLE. It matters to see the full SPECTRUM. To acknowledge all the Truth there is within our lives and the lives of those around us. 

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