Introduction…
Just Show Me
Genesis
2:24
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his
wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
1
Peter 3:1-7 “Wives in the same way be submissive
to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be
won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity
and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward
adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine
clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading
beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
For this is the way of the holy women of the past who put their hope in God to
make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their husbands, like Sarah,
who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if
you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you
live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner
and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder
your prayers.”
Notes from Tim:
Firstly Tim prefaced these quotes by asking the
audience to just listen to the words so he could explain them afterwards. He
didn’t want any women getting offended –which he did say has happened in the
past. He assured that everything would be discussed and explained afterwards.
Tim said, “We live in a culture that focuses on
weddings, but not marriages”. Everything has to do with the day of and then how
long the marriage lasts –but not the things that go on in it.
The ideal of marriage is slipping further and
further away and like a ship drifting out to sea. We need to weigh anchor and
reaffirm what marriage is really about. Some people argue that the danger to
marriage is in laws and legislation that support “unfit or immoral types of
marriages”. But the real danger to marriage is in the very homes of Christians
and others who let these sacred relationships become frayed.
What is being said in these passages is not that
women are inferior and the “slaves of men”. Many men have abused these
scriptures and used them as an excuse to dominate and control their wives. So
let’s be clear on what is really being said. Peter is saying that women need to
open themselves up to and pass the reins over to God above all others and also
their husbands. Marriages function best when women are in more of a supportive
role to their husbands since men have instinctual tendencies to want to lead
and be leaders. When both parties are fighting to drive the direction of the
relationship there is disharmony.
The passages also touch on the fact that women have
a tendency to go out of their way to physically appear beautiful. Women are the
“peacocks” of our species and are the ones who catch men’s eye. Because of this
women have a tendency to become overly fixated on external beauty and being
noticed above others. Real beauty comes from the “inner self” and women should
not put so much pressure on themselves to just be physically beautiful.
“The Weaker Partner” does not mean that women are
mentally, spiritually, or emotionally inferior to men. In fact the passage
argues that women are often more steadfast in their faith then men are and
husbands should look to their wives as examples of consistent faith and loyalty
to God. But it should be acknowledged that unless the wife is a pro wrestler
body builder –most women tend to have less physical strength than men. Which is
why men should be conscious of the way they treat their wives and be gentle
with and respectful to them.
Key
Issues for Wives (vv.1-6)
Authority
–“Are you willing to follow his leadership?”
Genesis
3:16b “You desire shall be for your husband and he shall
rule over you.”
Attitude
–“Are you willing to respect him?”
Worth
–“Are you finding your worth and security in Christ?”
Notes
on Page:
Equality or Responsibility
Not a slave to men –in fact women can be leaders
You don’t have to agree with your husband. But you
do have to support him.
Be an example for men to turn to.
God doesn’t think man is greater than woman.
You don’t have to believe the same things as your
husband or be defined by his views.
God asks women to recognize leadership in the home.
Submit = admit sovereignty of God and delegated
authority (society).
Men have instincts to lead and when they are dominated
over or disrespected they get insecure and fail to lead. Men need support from
their spouses to be men and follow their instinctual paths of leadership.
Women want appreciation, attention, and affection -but
men want respect.
“Can’t love me if you don’t respect me”.
Respect does not equal appreciation.
Men struggle most with feeling inadequate.
Women give hope and assurance.
Too many “adult little boys” running around because
moms took care of everything and did everything for them.
Women’s worth is not defined by beauty –age and
gravity win every time.
Key
Issues for Husbands (v.7)
Intimacy
–“Are you willing to open your life to her completely?”
Genesis
3:16b “Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall
rule over you.”
Attitude
–“Are you willing to grow in understanding and loving her?”
Worth
–Are you willing to honor her for who she uniquely is?”
Notes
on Page:
Never say, “Well my dad says…”
Live with you wife openly.
Women will try to control their husbands and
husbands who try to control their wives will also run into issues. It leads to
tension and an ongoing power struggle.
Don’t treat men like they’re animals.
It’s about conformity with Christ, not equality with
men.
It’s about sharing v. griping.
Women have to sacrifice control.
Men have to sacrifice their feelings and make her a
companion for life.
Husbands need to let down the walls and let their
spouse in.
In Christ’s Kingdom the leader serves.
Men are stubborn and want to seem completely in
control.
Include your wife in your life –don’t leave her out.
Find where you need to be supportive.
Be considerate, don’t assume you know her
completely, and Express love.
Application
for Both (vv.8-9)
Focus on Christ as your Savior, your leader,
and your example.
Focus on your issues not your spouses.
Commit together to
apply the practical commands of God’s words in your marriage.
Notes
on Page:
Marriage is about Submission and Sacrifice
Giving up the things you hold back or are attached
to so you two can come together
Don’t compare yourself to other wives or other
husbands –and don’t compare your spouse either.
If you do compare –let it be to Christ and the way
He lived.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
It is not my job to change my spouse –it is my job
to support my spouse and God’s job to change him/her.
A spouse is something sacred –a unique gift for only
you and no other. Don’t treat your spouse like a name brand item you can get in
any store –treat them like a precious item handed down in your family for
generations that is virtually priceless and cannot be replaced.
Don’t repay insult with insult.
Be a blessing to your spouse and let them be
grateful everyday to have you in their life –and vice versa.
Discussion
Questions
1.
What
stood out the most in this message? Why are these issues sometimes hard for us
to talk about, much less live out in our world today?
Since I’m a girl, the “women’s role” was definitely
something I was paying the most attention to. I wasn’t offended by anything
said. A real conversation is one in which both parties speak AND both parties
listen. It’s about what’s right –not who’s right. I just come to learn.
As for why these issues never get discussed –it’s
easy for people to avoid heart-to-heart conversations. They choose practicality
and current physical obligations like washing the dishes to brush off those kinds
of talks. Those conversations always require people to open their hearts and
their minds more –which can be frightening for those not use to doing that. Superficiality
will always be easier than going deep –and in our society superficiality is the
dollar that is passed from store to store to store.
2.
Look
at the 3 key issues for women in marriage. Which of these is most difficult for
you? What are some practical ways a wife could personally live out the commands
of these verses?
Submission for me is fairly easy. I’m a submissive
person –not a dominant one. The Yang in me though would have more issues along
the lines of men struggles where opening up emotionally would be a challenge.
Take the reins and the control –but not my heart.
I also know women –especially fire signs- who have
infinite amounts of issues letting someone else lead or take over. Their brains
would explode if they didn’t have a partner who catered to them or let them
make the calls. That’s why those sorts of men are or seem so “weak” in
comparison. The wife makes all the decisions. Women like that make ugly spouses
from what I’ve seen. I often feel sorry for their husbands who are yo-yo’d
around far more than they could ever deserve to be. It seems like they are
constantly trying to calm and assure their wife and appease her needs. It leads
to disharmony and an unbalanced relationship. For some women –asking them to
hand over the reins would be like asking them to sacrifice their lives.
3.
Look
at the 3 key issues for men in marriage. Which of these is most difficult for
you? What are some practical ways a husband could personally live out the
commands of these verses?
Constant intimacy and opening up would be a
challenge. I used to being the one who listens and gives advice. I’ve never
really had anyone I felt safe confiding in –save for some close family members
on rare occasions. It would be a weird marriage given this fact since men tend
to have these same issues. I suppose in some ways it’d be good though for us to
try and overcome the isssues together given the fact that we share the same
struggle.
4.
Reflect
the fact that Jesus serves as an example and leader for husbands and wives. How
can we follow His example in our roles?
Not calling them “roles”
would be a good place to start. It’s not a play or a movie –it’s a
relationship. You have to look at your relationship with God and see how it can
be safe to submit, sacrifice, open up to, and trust in another being outside
yourself AND be taken care of and loved back.
It comes down to faith.
Put faith in the people you are close to. Look to God for guidance and assurance
and carry Him within you wherever you are and whoever you are with.
5.
Read
1 Peter 3:8-9 and list some ways that each one of us could apply these
practical commands in our homes.
First off I don’t think these “commands” are as
practical as you seem to think they are. If they were easy to implement it’d be
the same as telling someone to just switch the laundry detergent they’re using.
These commands are ideals for people to live up to –which is never easy for
people. It involves growth and being willing to be uncomfortable. Both people
have to be willing to commit to it and agree it is a vision worth achieving.
Having said that, with anything along these lines it
just involves being “mindful” or aware more often of your actions and the way
they affect your relationship. It also involves accountability –apologizing or
acknowledging when you’ve fallen short and mentioning or acknowledging when
your spouse has fallen short.
Finding balance is walking a tight rope. It will
take some time and practice gaining the confidence and guidance to walk that
path without faltering –but as long as both people keep at it eventually they
will find their footing.
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