Changes -Spring 2022

 I haven't written much -and I'm not sure how to summarize everything. 

The last 2 months of winter sucked. Winter is an internal season and this world spirals further and further out while still going round and round when it comes to repeating life circumstances. This basically means I was lost and locked in the pains of my head and mind for a while. Stress from work. Co-workers who's mental vices I was transmuting by experiencing them myself. Having the instinct to escape so I got lost in daydreams again. It was painful. But I knew when I was going to come out of it and recognized when that shift was occurring. I am not the product of the circumstances I am in. 

And with spring brings fire energy. I struggled with fire energy at first -I didn't think I was capable of being that angry. But you feel a force within you that refuses to back down. I didn't lash out at anyone, but I did have a temperament. But as always I came back to balance and learning the elements and decided I don't have to go full throttle and declare war over everything. 

Along with the shift in season, there's come more clarity. There's so much balance in so many ways. 

1. Self Becoming Whole

They showed me the spectrum of my soul -unique to each person, but they showed me mine. I saw vibrant colors like a jungle by the shore of an ocean. Then something to the left of it in equal measure like a cloud. Then one one end in a smaller cloud there was pure Light. On the other there was pure Dark -or dark neutral as I like to call it. 

When I was a kid and they would ask me what my favorite colors were I would say Blue, Green, Purple, and Black & White. It didn't feel right to leave black and white out -like there was a truth there that was meant to be acknowledged. Now if someone asked me I'd say I have ALL colors in a kaleidoscopic view and Black and White. 

Red, Orange, Yellow = Physical, action, survival, empowerment 

Green = Heart

Blue and Purple = Head, reflection, depth, sorrow, knowing, and then peace, light

Rainbow = Everything coming together as a whole soul

Black and White = Duality beyond self 

Ad again, there was also more but I don't remember it. 

2. Balance of Elements 

I'm being led more and more to channel the elements. 

Water has always been my main one, being a water sign, but I've actually gotten tot he point of subtle resentment to it because I see the shadows of it I was in that I hadn't been aware of in the past. I've mastered water, but I'm still a little bitter. 

Fire I had an aversion to, but have come around to now. You can burn off and purify negative/evil energy. You can move forward, be assertive, and mesh with nature more. Less "nice", more kind and generous by nature and by choosing. 

Wood is great for grounding and clarity -it's actually really helpful when it comes to addressing negative entities and influence. It's so firm and yet light. 

Dirt and Mud wasn't something I thought I'd be learning from, but here we are. Too much dirt and mud is suffocating and things get stuck. I add water to that situation and suddenly the mud turns to wet, mailable clay. You stand on the earth when you need grounding and better footing and you let out the levy when you want to mold something from it. 

Air -this is the only one I'm not as familiar with yet. I relate more to Sky than air right now. 

I watched a video today of 2 men in the tropics of South America making an incredible 2 storied house. They started with long reeds strewn together used to wrap around the outside frame as a base. then they used clay-like-mud to cover the reeds so the house was then caked in it. In the outside sun the clay would then harden and cement the frame of the house. They made clay bricks, put them under grass, burned it with fire, and made ceramic tiles for the roof. 

I realized, between me learning Mud and Water and now mastering Fire -that house is Me. 

3. Handling Inversion -Right Side Up  

I've known for a while this world was upside down and inverted. It was in Hell where it could have been Heaven. If it's from the past -it's probably no good. It's hard learning a new way of life. Like the word "institutionalized". Someone getting out of prison after 25 years would struggle living again. I can make my own toast. I can go to another state. I can wear what I want. 

There was a couple who decided not to buy a crib for their twin babies. They used Montessori beds placed close to the floor and  let their kids sleep if they wanted or play if they wanted at night. Soon the kids were putting themselves to sleep. Who would have known there was something better than a crib if you had only ever thought by default to use the crib. 

If it doesn't occur to you that there's better, how do you live it? 

How do you enter a room if the furniture is on the ceiling? 

4. Moving Forward

I've been promised for a long time some abundance was coming in great amount. Between a spiritual history of that not playing out and the recent delays of these times, I'd given up waiting and just moved on whether it was coming or not. Once again there's rumors it will come soon, but I don't pay it as much mind. 

I feel bad for my past lives and those of others. They lied and told you Heaven by some miracle could come through physically during times of turmoil. It wasn't true. Heaven for its part could only come through minimally on a physical level if that. They mostly came through spiritually, which did not help with physical survival. I think it was a twisted lie used to "teach" the soul as it incarnated not to rely on heaven and to forget about it. "They won't really come through for you when you truly need it..." 

Someone said "We're living in the nightmare of Hell because we're not awake in Heaven". Seems pretty accurate. 

But all of that is shifting now and because I work with subtle energy with long-term goals aimed towards greater, whatever comes through will be in its own time. The more it's fixated on the more it will elude. 

5. Sea Turtle

The ultimate goal of what is wanted to be lived in this life is a sea turtle passing quietly through the ocean unnoticed as it notices everything around it but does not react to it. It is a piece of nature in nature like a leaf falling from a tree. 

Drawing from Nature

I thought that by moving past the instinct to draw from animal energy/essences that I would veer into drawing more from divine beings and light forces. Although we are governed with influence from those sorts of beings, right now I'm personally being led to draw more directly from nature elements.  

I still get some animal energy coming through -Tiger and Dragon right now specifically, which is interesting since this is the Year of the Tiger in Chinese Astrology and I was born in the year of the Dragon. 

But right now I'm drawing from wood -specifically light wood -and water. You think I'd be drawing from snow given the season and my surroundings, but it's wood and water. I'm used to drawing from water, but wood energy is different. I feel and understand wood energy -it's balancing and stabilizing -but I'm just not used to drawing from it. 

On the plus side this means I'm heading more towards being purely elemental as a soul. Eventually we're meant to draw solely from soul and self-sustain on spiritual energy. 

Death and Passing

As often happens during times of transition, the old dies away and you can feel a strange sense of mourning, sadness, and loss over it. And as usual with me, I'm fearful again that I might physically die. 

It's confusing for a soul that has rarely and almost never lived past the age of 30 in any previous life to go through these transitions around the age of 30 and then have to discern whether it's truth or paranoia. It feels real. Like I might actually die because past dreams I've had seem to indicate it. 

But I've experienced this at least 10 times now and it gets old always having to fear on a spiritual level whether your physical experience in this world will come to an end. 

I want to die in peace. Whether it's in old age or tomorrow, at the end of the day, I just don't want the old way of dying. I don't the pain, the darkness, the fear, and "mortality"... I don't want to suffer death or in death. I asked that it be peaceful. 

From there I do see what's dying off is mostly things I held onto in the past I'm being led to let go of and move on from. Letting go of attachments to animals is hard. I think nature is rumored to be in there as well. I've clung to nature because I felt my soul when I connected to it in a world devoid of spiritual essence. But now I'm told, what if the world wasn't? Would you cling to nature as much? 

You would only see nature -not attach to it. You would feel it and connect, but not attach. 

I've exalted and paid homage to the animals I drew from most. Horse, deer, black panther, dragon, recently the black wolf, and now the tiger. I also did the same with some spiritual people and influences I had drawn from. I pay homage mostly through art. I can walk past them everyday on the walls and I stop and take notice and am in awe of them. It's how I continue to pay my respects and remember what I'm connected to but am no longer attached to. 

Balance - Light Neutral

*Full disclosure -this blog's going to be a little disjointed and seemingly random in some ways. I've spent the past 3 days writing it out off and on.

I'm meant to be a writer. I've suspected this for a while but have kind of been in denial because it's not something that I necessarily want to be. Especially getting out of introverted-overly-reflective mode I've been in and entering into direct physical engagement with the world, writing just seems old and like something the world doesn't want/need anymore. I also look at the writings of Lao Tzu and think, "You can't go beyond that -it's already there and written out." 

But I've been asked the past 2 days to reflect on who I am. We're lost in the midst of external and internal transition in this world where the old is dying and a new is being born and it's still existing simultaneously and it's all muddled and still getting sorted. So I've been lost and trying to navigate. And I sat on the couch and looked over at my bookshelf and FELT the nature of each books and the books as a collective and suddenly found myself. I felt my soul. I saw myself reflected in it. 

I am my bookshelf and it brought me back to myself. 

Those books are what I kept because some part of my soul awakens and resonates with them. And I remembered who I am on the weekends when I'm to myself away from work and back in soul and I remembered me. 

I was led to watch the movie Never Ending Story. One of the things that came up was as Bastian read the book it became clear he was being sensed and heard and was known to those in the story and was an extension of it. 

1. These books are like portals that can open windows into our sight of other things beyond ourself. 

2. These books are embedded with energy. The essence of the creator is in there. 

3. These books can be art. They don't have to be copy/paste, you can get more creative with it. 

4. These books represent -as in the movie Never Ending Story -that we can view life, label it a story, and conceptualize it as much as we can be IN IT. Especially if the books are about something real. 

I was also meant to look at the Luck Dragon. I was born in the year of the Dragon in Chinese Astrology and have been drawing dragons since I was a kid. This last Christmas my sister gave me a wooden dragon to piece together, which I've also painted. The understanding of dragons is that they are varied as much as people and some bring good fortune and are linked to some souls on Earth. 

I'm meant to trust the dragon I'm connected to. You leap, he follows. 

These transitions are so hard. I have been struggling. 

The world on a spiritual level has been pulled back and forth between Heaven and Hell for over 5 years. Starting at 2010 and ending around 2018. 

Then to be so deeply shifted on a soul level -constantly expanding and healing and transmuting and changing for the past 3 years or so... It's hard. 

Right now I'm balancing out Pisces Energy with Sagittarius influence to reach balance. From December to this May, Jupiter is in Pisces. Pisces will be expanded and led to affluence and empowerment. Right now is the shadow period. I'm still transmuting the old mental pains and shadows and am also now taking on new physical shadows because Sagittarius is more physically-oriented. 

I am hungry much more frequently and have wayyyy more energy than I'm used to and feel like taking on the world. I know have to step back and let myself rest where before that's mostly all I did. Now it's a challenge.

I'm also being led to let go of my connection and attachments to animal spirit. It helped to navigate spiritually and physically to draw from different animal energies. Horse in particular brought balance. But today I woke up and felt genuinely Human. I never wanted to be purely and only human -it felt like something you conceded to when the soul of your being can take on and be so much more. But the past is being honored and let go. 

Right now I'm also being led to reflect upon my mom and dad. 

Mom's way is being charismatic and overtly affectionate and loving. Then her shadow is being wrathful and seeking vengeance and acting out of anger. 

Dad's way is -the way I used to be, the Pisces Way -is being peaceful and calm and bringing support in a grounded way. His shadow is being emotionally distant and more passive, isolated, and evasive. 

I'm being led to be more loving. I forget love most of the time and am surprised when I feel it or am reminded of it. But I can feel my heart more. The down side is addressing the shadow of feeling more anger and wanting to push people back and away. So that has to be transmuted as well. I'll find balance, keep my peace in my mind and soul, and then venture into being more loving. 

And I find myself remembering I'm entering into a period now where I'll finally be able tor relax and enjoy life and I keep thinking, "How?... I don't know how to enjoy life." I know how to persevere life. I know how to outsmart life. I know how to transmute darkness in life. I know how to heal from life. I knw how to walk through Hell in life. But I've forgotten Heaven. How do you abide in Heaven here and just live freely and ENJOY life? 

And then right now I'm being led towards constantly being told to stay in Balance and Neutrality (light neutral). And I want Heaven because I still see Hell around. But you can't aim for Heaven -especially during this still overtly transitionary time. You have to stay in Neutral. 

Sometimes I think that it's like this: 

(Evil/Pain//Hell) --- (Dark Neutral/Raven) --- (Pure Neutral) ---(Light Neutral//Like Legolas) ---(Light/Heaven/Love)

Other times I get reminded it's more like this: 

Heaven/ Hell (Duality) ----- Light Neutral/Dark Neutral (Balanced Duality --- Pure Neutrality (The Universe/Space) 

Our little planet has just been hit hard by Hell and then Heaven, but beyond here things aren't the same. The universe -with all it's starts and planets and galaxies -isn't "good". And it isn't "bad".  It's just space. And it's open and vast and varied. 

Acknowledging Passing

Many well known people have passed away -most in the last 6 months. Everyone acknowledged Betty White and I just want to acknowledge 2 others I know won't get the same attention, more for me honoring them than anything. 

Anne Rice: One of my favorite writers, our modern day Mary Shelley (screw J.K. Rowling), and someone who showed that you can be religious/spiritual and inclusive and open to different people. Her writing was amazing and so was her approach to life. 

Thich Nhat Hanh: Brilliant spiritual guide, Buddhist monk, and author of my favorite book Our Appointment with Life. 

Importance of Understanding Astrology

 I would compare this to understanding math. It's something everyone writes off as something "not needed" until tax season comes around or they need to add, multiply, or divide. 

Ignore Horoscopes and trying to figure out whose sign your best paired with. 

This is about understanding what path your soul is on and what you're meant to learn. It's also about owning what you're under the influence of so you don't become purely the product of it. 

For me the most important part of your natal chart is getting a good overall sense of how laid out, and from there:

1) Sun sign (external, egoic expression)

2) Moon sign (internal connection, true expression)

3) Rising sign (transformation) 

4) True Node (how things balance out) 

The complicated part is there's more at play than just these elements in your spiritual life. There's everything else from what spiritual state the world/time is in, what's the energy of the physical space you're in, who are you around/influenced by, what aspects of your parents and childhood are at play, past life issues, pains in this life you've experienced, and more. 

But the astrological influences tend to be the heaviest on the soul. 

Right now I'm experiencing the Rising sign aspect. I went from a spiritually-oriented/day dreamy/introverted/empathetic Pisces to a more outgoing/tenacious/apathetic/physically present person. The shift has transpired over the past 3 years or so, but it's strange and a little unsettling to see it happen within you. I know myself so well because I was burried within myself for so long and you feel like a completely different version of you. 

But my True Node is Libra -I keep coming back to a place that's balanced. Some place that's beyond introvert/extrovert and spiritual/physical. 

For the record I'd describe my astrological layout like this: 

"This girl was mistakenly outing in ways that led to her detriment in her last life. As a soul born to this planet, many of her past lives as women have also rarely consisted of deep knowledge and understanding due to lack of access to equal education. Let's fix that. 

In this life you will be born a Pisces SUN. Ironic. You will be "outing" egotistically as a very introverted, shy person who is deeply reflective, and internally knowing but struggles with external expression. You will learn to hesitate, to question, to contemplate, to do research, to listen, and to SEE both more in the spiritual world and this one. 

You will be a Cancer MOON. Internally to pair beautifully with the Pisces Sun you will be another aspect of a water sign -caring, quiet, loving, connected emotionally, and nurturing to your own soul. That way when you are mentally wounded in this life, you will emotionally heal from it within. 

You will eventually grow beyond and out of being Pisces. You will tire of introversion and log too long for self expression. You will want a part of the previous life you had, but with a greater founding in clarity and truth and purpose. Your RISING SIGN will be the Sagittarius. 

And when you rise, being so deeply rooted in introversion you will be far more self aware and will not make the same egoic mistakes as an extroverted fire sign. To further ensure this, and your karmic lessons, we will out Sagittarius-like people on your path who will wound you. You will learn empathetically not to be like them and treat others that way, and how to return to self and find balance with this new energy. 

The ultimate lesson between water and fire you will learn is balance. Your True Node of Libra will always bring you back to it. You will not be undone as you have been before. 

The only downside to this unfolding on astrological influence are the Capricorn/Earth sign placements. They're meant to keep you grounded -especially being so spiritual -but for a while you will get lost in being so stagnant and attached to old ways of doing and being and thinking. Eventually, especially with fire energy coming through, you will burn beyond that influence being so weighted by it." 

It's all meant to be navigated. 

It also helps you better understand other people's situations.  

Changin' times

A couple significant things going on in the world now. We've shifted a little... 

1. Since we're essentially holograms, living metaphors, and figments of God's imagination - what we imagine and what we dream can be realized in this kind of world. Everything's dissolving into the immaterial and so mind, energy, and being will rule the day. We're still transitioning and the remnants of Hell are still being cleared out, but living in a kind of harmony or even Heaven are more feasible now. 

2. I keep getting the message "Don't Choose Violence". As strange as this sounds we're entering into a tricky territory that's new -especially for women -where the option to enact violence, especially in self defense, is coming up. 

You have the Zeitgeist of the era and Gen Z sentiments that equate to an attitude of "We do not tolerate abuse, or sexual violence, or domestic violence, or gender-based violence and abuse, or pedophilia, or trafficking PERIOD." But you have a system that inherently fails to uphold the same stance and justice. We are now at a point of reflection where it is more likely and more possible for women to react in violence towards what they're facing. 

-You CAN save your life. This system does not legally afford women the right to kill men in acts of self defense. the legal right insisted is for women to be raped, trafficked, and murdered. CC: Cynthia Brown. But women have gained a greater sense of autonomy and KNOW that's wrong. They will feel far more inclined now more than ever to defend their wellbeing and life -even knowing they might end up in prison. Women know the value of their own lives. And they CAN act in instances that genuinely consist of self defense. 

-What's begin cautioned and discouraged is something else. Women acting out of hate or revenge. Something that historically has rarely been seen. Women are now free to express ANGER. This, mixed with the current Zeitgeist, might lead to more women enacting revenge against perpetrators after they've committed a crime. especially since in most instances rapists, pedophiles, and other criminals tend to go free -women will have greater access to them. And rather than just anger being at play, there would also be a great level of INDIFFERENCE. If someone who lacks empathy hurts or harms you or someone you care about you are less likely to have empathy towards them. Attitudes when it comes to the murder of a pedophile can surprisingly be mixed. Some champion that kind of action and others deeply denounce it. But some may take up the sword and take action in their own way now. Ultimately, and spiritually, this is discouraged. 

But it is a choice and people -particularly women -now have the freedom to grapple with it. 

-Murder is on the rise -particularly murder against women. This doesn't bode well and tends to set off the issue of revenge mentioned above. But most crimes are gender based. Men are the perpetrators, women tend to be the victims. If the universe is self-correcting and bringing balance, this WILL shift. So if murder is now coming to light as something that commonplace in every city, state, and country world-wide, more women in particular will start to register how thoroughly screwed they are against something that extensive and how currently it's on them to defend themselves. 

My personal philosophy has always been the Dobby approach -to maim or injure in self defense, but aspire not to kill. The goal is to save a life -not take one. But I also acknowledge for a lot of victims that kind of luxury isn't always afforded in the moment when someone is violently attacking you. 

3. We are in a New Universe with New Rules. We don't need to fret about systems that fail people as much anymore because the Universe will start covering the welfare of people more. We're under new management and philosophies towards life will inevitably shift for us as a collective to follow suit. The best I can describe the theme of these new rules are:

A) Justice does exist and should be achieved. Justice is founded in autonomy and people's lives being respected, protected, and supported. Anyone who abuses another or infringes against someone's autonomy (not just bodily autonomy, but also in terms of energy) can and should be held accountable. 

B) No one is alone. We exist as a collective and everyone has belonging to and in this collective. All are considered. All are valued. 

C) Truth, including the truth of people's experiences, is NOT invalidated. The truth is free for all to see, cannot be hidden or denied, and is meant to be shared and acknowledged. 

4. Along with these rules will also come an understanding of "I'm not going to ask someone to do something I'm not equally willing to do for another". Meaning if slave labor isn't something you'd sign up for, it will have to end. And the harsh realities of manual labor won't keep getting pond off on the marginalized and those in poverty.

This also effects the Supply Chain issue. It's a worker's issue as much as an issue pertaining to physically shipping things all over the world on a whim. We don't need that much crap in our lives and in the world. We shouldn't be demanding that much of people blindly to accommodate it. 

We shouldn't live in a world were Amazon exists -it's exploitation of workers, the nature of things being shipped that frequently and that much, and the obscene wealth of it's CEO. 

Given the Supply Chain is breaking, and will likely fail in the long term and being unable to sustain -order what you genuinely want or need now. the message right now is "This is going away so get what you need to get NOW." 

This will also push us to buy more locally and only purchase things that matter most like food and clothing. It will also change the nature of the economy. Less emphasis on spending to buy crap you don't need, more emphasis on possibly bartering or only getting/giving things everyone needs that shouldn't require money. And if money doesn't mean as much neither will being an employee for the sake of survival. The office/work environment will shift. 

5. Hatred towards the government. The government has long used the tactic of dividing citizens on the basis of ignorance and hatred against one another so the government can centralize it's own power over them. Now tables are turning. People will be unified in their hatred and distrust of the government as something to destroy. I summarize it this way:

Do Native Americans trust the government? Why not? 

Do LGBT people trust the government? Why not? 

Do women trust the government? Why not? 

Even white men who are Republican who directly benefit the most from the government... do THEY trust the government? 

There's a reason they have stock piles of food and supplies to last a year in a bunker somewhere. They says they do not trust the government and anyone who does is an idiot. 

No one likes the government. No one trusts the government. No one wants this government. 

Just today the government voted on whether to make voting more accessible -particularly to people in poverty and black people. The government voted against ensuring people can vote fairly. 

6. It's not Heaven or the Celestial Light Forces -it's BOTH. I forget this every once in a while, being able to perceive of both separately since they're on different spiritual planes. But both work in tandem and overlap. It's not one or the other. The one paves the way for the other.