Vegetarian Diet -Round 2 and a Half

I attempted to be a vegetarian a while back. I honestly thought I blogged about the reasons why, what it was like, and why it failed. But I only blogged a little bit so I'm going to have to fill in some serious gaps. 

Picture it, College Years, 2006-2010. It was when I was a senior in high school I started monitoring my diet. I can't remember what triggered it though. I learned from a Health Class sophmore year my diet consisted of:

-Oatmeal for Breakfast
-Cheese Pizza with French Fries and Chocolate Milk for Lunch (Occasionally chicken nuggets)
-Whatever my mom was cooking for dinner (The only well-rounded meal of my day otherwise) 

I decided that my diet was unhealthy. So I made up a new rule senior year: Salads for lunch Monday -Thursday. A hamburger with fries for lunch on Fridays.

 Then College happened and I went through a mid-mid life crisis. I started eating dino chicken nuggets, pb&j sandwiches, mac and cheese... Then I started to feel crappy. And tired. 

I decided institutionally to re-instate my old diet and eat healthier. That lasted more or less a year or two. Then I went back to eating like an average 20 year old. Then I got a class on Endangered Species and another class on Religious Ethics Towards Nature. THAT's when I decided to become fully vegetarian.

Decided became attempted. Did not succeed long-term. It did reach a peak of success though when I first moved out in 2011 and started buying food for myself. My diet consisted of:

-Oatmeal
-Rice-a-Roni
-Black Beans and Avocados for Portein 
-Protein shakes for extra protein 
-Vitamin Supplements in case I missed anything 
-Soy Milk
-Bananas (easier to eat than they are to spell)
-Other stuff I don't vividly remember

It's weird to say, but I felt pretty proud of myself for this diet and sticking to it consistently at the time. I was HAPPY when I ate. Which sounds weird. Not because of the taste of the food, but because of what it represented in my life. Taking care of myself and being respectful towards other living beings.

Then I got a full-time job and started going to lunch with co-workers. They weren't vegetarian and, like my parents, had a tendency to make fun of my eating habits.

So being vegetarian kind of died at that point. 

Then about a month ago it was confirmed to me by my Holy Spirit that animals do in fact have souls -like I'd suspected. And I was encouraged to pray over my food (May this meal nourish my body and my soul for God's higher purpose) and praying over the contents (May the souls of this meal rise to Heaven now in the name of Jesus Christ). I was still able to eat meat at the time though. I figured/ secretly hoped it would be in the distant future when I would attempt to be full-fledgedly vegetarian again.

That ended about 2 weeks ago. I had trouble eating a bacon-egg-cheddar pannini. I got sick to my stomach, but didn't know why. Then I was told that I would continue to get sick every time I ate animal from now on. My soul officially recognizes the dead parts of animals being consumed and the souls associated with them now in Heaven. Apparently it makes my soul sick -literally. 

So I was like, "My options are eat meat and throw the meat back up or don't eat meat and struggle to find food to eat in general." 

I'm definitely not as enthused about being vegetarian right now. It's ultimately good in a spiritual-wellbeing-to-the-world kind of way, but realizing you'll never again eat your favorite food because you've been "cut off" is kind of depressing. 

My diet right now consists of:

-Oatmeal (You are my constant)
-LOTS of pasta/rice 
-Bread (which I try to avoid)
-LOTS of salads (it gets old fast)
-Grilled cheese sandwich 

And that's about it. It sucks. How am I worse at this the second time around??? I think the problem is I try going to restaurants (especially ones I love) expecting there to be some easy substitute for the food I usually get there. Like yesterday when I went to Sonoma Chicken Coop. In hind-sight that was a REALLY long shot. But I ordered a veggie risotto -knowing they had it in the past and it was my former favorite dish there until I discovered a chicken dish I liked. It all worked out and I got the risotto. 

Again it's a rice dish. And I had eggplant Parmesan for dinner last night. If noodles got taken from my diet I'd have to start eating rocks or something. How is this sustainable???

I'm going to have to start actually becoming mentally-aware of what I'm eating ahead of time instead of just blindly eating in the moment like I have 90% of my life up until now. It's frustrating.