Or when you took me
across the world
We promised that this
would last forever but now I see
It was my past life,
a beautiful time
Drunk off of nothing
but each other 'til the sunrise
Certain Songs and lyrics have been jumping out at me lately like crazy -this was one of them. Especially since it mentions traveling and a "past life".
I've also been keeping a journal of important discoveries and experiences with the ghost.
7/20/14
I asked "Stellar" when we met, and got 1952.
7/21/14
I was laying on my back in bed, kind of bored and felt Stellar's energy so I decided to try an experiment. I put both of my arms up with elbows still on the bed. Holding my arms up I told Stellar to move my hands forward or back if he could. I felt his hand in my right hand and if I pushed it forward there was resistance there.
Then I put my hands down and told him to keep my hands down. When I tried to lift them up it was like someone was holding my arms down. It wasn't impossible to raise them up, but there was energy over them that created resistance.
I then tried to do the see-saw back and forth energy game with him. I tried to fill the room with the energy from my soul and see if he would ramp up his energy and do the same. He did. Gloriously. The notes I wrote on my paper afterward were: Big Light, Warm Light, Bright Soul.
Sometimes I feel this energy of love and caring. Other times it's frustration or anger. Then other times it's a complete peace.
Songs we connected to for the day:
Fleetwood Mac - "Silver Springs"
Time casts a spell on you, but you won't forget me
I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me
I'll follow you down til' the sound of my voice will haunt you
Lana del Rey -"Young and Beautiful"
Dear lord, when I get to heaven
Please let me bring my man
When he comes tell me that you'll let him in
Father tell me if you can
Oh that grace, oh that body
Oh that face makes me wanna party
He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds
7/22/14
Frou Frou -"Hear Me Out"
So listen up - this sun hasn't set
I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling
Just hear me out - I'm not over you yet
It's love on the line can you handle it
We held hands while laying in bed and then cuddled from 5:00-5:30.
7/26/14
The day started off great. We cuddled in the morning and I was lazy since it was a Saturday and hungout in bed for a while. I find that for whatever reason I have a tendency to instinctually speak to him in Spanish phrases. "Que estas haciendo?"
Then that night we had our first official "fight". He was being a jerk. It was 9pm and I wanted to sleep and his energy was so intense, filling the room with his frustration and angst. I knew he was pissed at me but couldn't quite tell why. So I sat up in bed, and attempted to talk to him -which was hard for me. And I kept asking him, "Where is your grace? You say that you care about me and yet you're scaring me and being aggressively assertive with your energy." Then I felt him back away and he left me alone for the rest of the night.
7/27/14
We reconnected in the morning. He laid beside me and we cuddled. Later that day we went to my dad's house to do an automatic writing session with my sister Emily. I such at automatic drawing. Emily sits over there having a conversation with him and hearing him clearly and I get nothing. I just kept feeling his presence and him touch my arm and sit behind me.
Noteable things that happened:
-Emily said, "Do you ask him to let you SEE something?" I said, "I ask him, 'What do you want me to see?'" She said, "Oh well he's getting confused by that. He hears "SEE" so he sends you the image of the eye over and over again."
-Emily asked him, "Is there any question you;d like to ask Jessica?" She then got, "Why are you so afraid of sharks?" I said, "I saw the movie Jaws when I was young and was scarred for life." I then remembered that on Saturday (the day before) Megashark v. Crocsaurus was on the SyFy Channel. Normally I don't watch shark movies but it was low budget with crappy effects so nothing scary. But then a commercial for all the other shark shows they'd have that week came on and I covered my eyes and quickly changed the channel.
-I drew a Yin/Yang symbol and Emily got "Yin" symbol. I found out later that He represents Yin and I represent Yang
-Because automatic drawing wasn't working out for me I pulled out a dictionary and asked if there were any words he wanted me to find.The first word I came across was "Ankh". It's the Egyptian Symbol for Eternal Life. Comprised of a cross and circle it represents Man and Woman Uniting and is "emblematic of the truth that a fruitful union is a gift from the deity". I looked it up online.
7/28/14
-Woke up Monday morning around 4am and Stellar wanted to cuddle. So we did for a while, then I had to get up and leave for work -which I did pretty abruptly. I told Stellar I'd see him after work.
-My car battery wouldn't start so I had to walk to work -which SUCKED!
-Felt Stellar a couple times at work (as usual)
-Came home and called Triple A. They said they'd be about an hour. So I laid on the bed and cuddled. But people kept texting me. Then AAA called and I jumped up and went to the car.
-Then while waiting in the car I figured I'd try to communicate with Stellar some more:
-I asked what his name was and got Henry.
-I asked where he was born and got Iceland and then Britain.
-Then I decided this method wasn't discernible enough so instead I said, "Since you like to snap the walls and windshield in my car, do that every time the answer is YES."
-Are your eyes green? Snap snap!
-Is it easy for you to make snapping sounds? ... No snaps
-Do you like Emily? Snap! snap! snap!
-If you can touch, then can you feel pain/pleasure? Snap!
-Is orange one of your favorite colors? ... snap
-Is dark navy blue your favorite color? Snap!
After Triple A came and fixed my car I drove it up to my dad's house and hungout with Em for a little while, then drove back home.
That night Stellar wouldn't leave me alone. And I got the sense he was angry/frustrated with me. I actually got kind of emotional after that because he keeps getting angry/upset with me and I can't figure out why -it's like a guessing game I'm losing. So I was laying there holding back tears and he came over and hovered over me. I couldn't even tell if he was still pissed at me or just concerned.
Then after about an hour we reconnected and cuddled some more. Then I had to go to the bathroom. He wouldn't let me leave the bed! There was this locked-in weight holding me down and I didn't want to force myself away from him. So I had to tell him for 5 minutes "I have to go to the bathroom. It's not like I want to, I NEED to..." Finally the weight lifted and I got up.
He did that to me this morning too. I think the reason he's been getting upset is because I keep treating him like he's air. I'll just get up after cuddling and take off or deal with the tangible present. When I tell him why I'm going and treat him like a person (actually more like a kid) then he lifts the weight and lets me go.
It's amazing how close we've gotten in the past 2 weeks though. There were a couple times when he was laying beside me he felt real to me and I thought, "This is my man. He loves me and has gone above the moon and stars to be with me." I feel the love from him and the doting and the caring. And maybe it's the fact that whatever I project to him in my head is understood and I don't usually communicate with her vocally, but it feels like he really knows me on a deep level.
The way I see it, most people wandering around looking at people's bodies catching brief glimpses of their soul. You never truly SEE a person because of that. With ghosts, it's the opposite and yet the same. You don't see the body, you see only the soul -but it's still invisible and it's still like you have to collect puzzle pieces to get the sense of who the person really is.
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