Think Cool Thoughts

It's so hot out now. Summer isn't subtle. 

I've also noticed that I've been getting kind of heated and testy lately. I was told long ago that anger is just an external expression of inner tension.

I got angry at my friend yesterday. Things just kept escalating and she ended up saying kind of jokingly, "You're kind of in a bad mood right now aren't you?" I just stared at her. She said, "Ok then... let's take care of some other things..." 

I have a new rule. If I'm going to go to a social function after work that involves more than 2 people -I need at least an hour to myself to detox from the day and get back into my own skin. Yesterday I worked from 7:30am to 4pm. During that work day my friend told me that on top of bringing the cashbox to our networking event for our women's group that night from 6pm - 9pm I also needed to come up with a Promotional Marketing Tip. And her car broke down so she also text me to drive her to the event. And then I met up with her at 4:30pm strait after work and a trip to the gas station to go over our plans for the night. One of the plans I was told was to get on the floor and write out questions on a big paper flip chart. 

I just felt kind of used and taken for granted. Then on the way over she was asking me what position I wanted to be in in the mentoring program we developed for women entrepreneurs. We scrapped the idea of having a chapter with ongoing networking events -last night was our last night. Now some of the leadership chapter roles are being transferred to the mentoring program (which we're thinking of making a non-profit). 

The positions I'm "nominated" for are Operations Director (in charge of the Marketing person and Sales team). But then she was asking what the Marketing person would do since I (with my graphic design and marketing background) would be in the Operations position. I told her we could template all the things that were duplicatable and I would keep doing all the things that were "higher up" or unique to the business end of things.

Someone complimented me on the logo for our women's group last night. I told them, "Yah she's thinking about changing it." Apparently 5 women told her it wasn't as professional as it should be. She actually told me it was too "youthful" in some ways and needed to be more "boring". Great. Nothing more exciting for a graphic designer to hear than, "Hey make your work overly simplified and dull so boring business people will feel less distracted by the logo they otherwise wouldn't notice."

I'm looking back out the Dropbox folder we've been working in for the past 2 years. 80% of the folders are now inapplicable. Most have to do with "Chapter" things that are no longer around. I understand that Chapter wasn't working, but at some point after 2 years you do start to notice a pattern where like a sled dog pulling the reins in a snow storm -we are mushing forward but blindly in only the direction we feel in the moment is the right one.

I tried to remind myself: It's not about you, it's about you helping your friend achieve her dream/vision. But what is the ultimate goal? Besides getting rich -which she reminds me is her goal every time we strategize about anything.

I've spent the past 2 years working on this group/mentoring/thing/business and it's really starting to drain me financially, mentally, and time-wise. I've reached a point where I just kind of want to focus on being out int he world, exercising more to get my long-neglected body fit and healthy, and focus on getting really spiritually in touch with life.