Friday, January 10, 2014

Off My Meds

About 3 weeks ago I forgot to take my Zoloft pill during breakfast. Then I forgot to take it Friday, the next day. Then I figured I'd take it over the weekend. Then I didn't. Then Monday rolled around and I started feeling a little woozy, but all during that time I was visiting with relatives over Christmas break and eating a lot of food in general so what nausea there was, was kept to a minimum.

Then a week and a half went by and I did start to feel more emotional/depressed. But I rolled with it. It was kind of hard to be happy this past Christmas anyway -being around family is not always an uplifting experience. Then I got to sleep in and watch movies and my depression lessened. 2 weeks went by and I realized not only had I gone the longest I'd ever gone off of my medication for the past 3 years, but I had barely even noticed.

What I most feared was reverting back into myself and shying away from the world/zoning out of being present. But that didn't happen. In fact I seemed just as normal as ever. Now after about a month of being off the medication the only noticeable difference I can make are the following:

1. I am more "emotionally triggered". I don't feel as numb or distant and when harsh realities present themselves I do feel an instant pang in my chest. I almost cried during a couple movies I saw recently. But I like being "in touch" with my emotions -it makes life more interesting. I've also laughed more and felt more moments of random happiness/humor.

2. I stay up later -or at least have the capacity to. When you take Zoloft you feel lethargic about 20 minutes later and then throughout the rest of the day. Kind of like a muted state of zombie that rests upon your consciousness. I feel more alert and awake these days and have been staying up a little later than usual.

3. I get distracted more easily. It is harder for me to focus. Not that I suck at it because I was a mad pro at it before and now I'm just "more normal" when it comes to paying attention.

4. I get more irate more easily. Before little things wouldn't bother me, but I've had more moments of grumpiness lately. Which in some ways means I'm actually being more vocal and letting things come to surface that would otherwise be repressed.

All-in-all I think it was just my time to get off the meds. I have successfully transitioned out of my Social Anxiety Disorder and, though I'm not a psychiatrist, I can say based on where I was at when I was first diagnosed in comparison to this present moment -I am cured.

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