Monday, June 24, 2013

I Made My Mother Cry

I went to my mom's this past weekend. My friend Katie who I've known since the 7th grade was getting married out there, so I drove the 2 hours to my mom's house to visit with her and my step-dad and attend the wedding.

The wedding was great/awkward. I met up with some people from high school that had been in our social circle but I had never really gotten close to. Then the one other friend who was there that I was pretty close to and wanted to catch up with was one of the bride's maids so I didn't get to talk with her much.

It was amazing seeing my friend Katie though. She's 24 so there were moments when she looked like a grown woman and then other times when she looked like she had in high school. One of the other friends I sat with at the table (one of the "less familiars") had a 2 year old and was married. It was weird seeing someone from high school "grown up" at the same age as you. 

The wedding was kind of out in the boondocks of nowheresville.  Down a dirt road past some houses out in the country and then BAM! Beautiful garden oasis.

The day after the wedding was spent at my mom's house watching episodes of Snapped. My mom wouldn't stop bugging me about my weight. This is a recent problem we've been having where she constantly tells me I'm  "too skinny". Even though I eat just fine and am just as tall and gangly as always.

Most of the people I know complain that their parents say they should lose more weight -not mine. It reached a head this weekend. She told me my grandmother had mailed me a gift card so I could go buy more food. When my mom came to visit at my house for Mother's Day the #1 take away she got from it was that I was starving myself to death because I didn't have that much food in the apartment.

3 hours before I was set to leave and head back home mom came up to me and said sternly in an authoritative tone: "Before you leave we're going to sit down and plan out a grocery list so I know for sure what you're buying at the store..." I Snapped. Which was ironic because I was watching Snapped.

I was tired of my mom micromanaging my life and judging me. It was frustrating and hurtful because I have always watched my weight to ensure I never came close to anything like anorexia. I'm not stupid. I also suffer from low blood sugar so even if I were to go more than 5 hours without eating I'd start to feeling weak and pass out. My body tells me when it needs food: I get hungry, I get headaches, I get grumpy, I get weak and light-headed. I eat fine. I also get filled up pretty easily because my body-type doesn't demand much food. So it was like someone looking at me and saying, "Who you are as a person, with the body you've been God-given, is wrong and needs to be changed because obviously you're anorexic." 

I was a little pissed by this perception and I let my mom know it. I don't often push back or raise my voice, so when I'm angry it's because I've been shoved into a corner and I'm fed up. Then my mom brought up the years of worrying she had when I would get weak because of my low blood sugar and how she was just innocently being concerned and trying to be helpful in a non-demanding way.  

I didn't feel much pity. I was just kind of done. 1 week spent cleaning my apartment for my mom and her friend to stay over as she continued to nag about how it didn't meet her standards has come to continue haunting my existence. NEVER let your parents stay over at your place. even for a night. NEVER...

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