A Picture of Singleness –Sermon by Tim Lundy 6-10-12 Snapshots Series (Part 2)

Introduction… Seeking to Understand

o   Single adults are an increasingly important part of the population and the church.

o   Single Adults represent a diversity of life experience 

Key Principles:

-Scripture affirms and values singleness as a lifestyle. 

I Corinthians 7:7-8 “I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.”

Notes on the Page:

We need relationships –can’t succeed without them

There was a man who worked on a farm who had an IQ of 195. Einstein’s IQ was 150. But the farmer never became anything more because there was no one around encouraging him or supporting him to do anything else.

He ended up living as a hired hand on a horse ranch.

We need community.

53% of adults today are married

21% are unmarried

13% are divorced

Most churches either don’t talk about singleness or they act like it’s a bad thing and everyone needs to be married.

John the Baptist, Jesus, and Paul were all single.

It is neither right nor wrong to be married or single.

But it is also written that “it is not good for man not be alone”

We need people.

The Spanish got it right. “Single isn’t a lifestyle, it’s a given. Your “ser” single –you are born single it is inherent. You “estar” married –you become married as a condition. 

-Single adults have unique opportunities as followers of Christ.

·         Freedom from the anxieties and concerns of married life. 

I Corinthians 7:32-35 “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please a wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”

·         Freedom to live more radically for the kingdom. 

I Corinthians 9:24-27 “Do you not know that in a race all runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive the perishable wreath. So we are imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.”

-Single adults have unique challenges as followers of Christ. 

·         Loneliness

John 11:3, 5 “So the sisters sent to Him, saying, “Lord he whom you love (phileo) is ill… Now Jesus loved (agape) Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” 

Notes on the Page:

Don’t waste time focusing on relationships you aren’t it. Focus on being in a relationship with God.

I Corinthians 7:32-35 –Don’t treat this like a rule. As if husbands and wives were only meant to be concerned with worldly things and their spouses. Everyone should be with God. But married people do have a duty to their spouse and do have to look after and care for their spouse. Single people have a greater opportunity to devote their time and energy towards Him.

I find it interesting that younger souls focus on family and spouses –while old souls, even if they’re married, devote most of their time and attention to God.

I Corinthians 9:24-27 –One race, one life, one goal

Live intentionally.

Everyone gets lonely –but especially those who are alone.

John 11:3, 5 –“Phileo” is a term for brotherly love or brotherhood. “Agape” is a term for deep, sacrificial love. An undying love. Martha, her sister, Lazarus, and Jesus were basically the first singles group. It shows the power of friendship –that you don’t have to have romantic love to have a deep kind of love. “Eros” is the term for romantic, sexual, and passionate love. With Christ it was always phileo and agape love –friendship and spiritual love.

University of Chicago showed that “loneliness” can alter genes and have a physical impact on the chemical makeup of a person. 

·         Self-Focus

Philippians 2:4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” 

·         Sexual Purity and Frustration 

I Corinthians 7:8-9 “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

I Corinthians 7:36-38 “If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry –it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.”

Key Application

-We must all live with empathy and respect, but never pity.

-Seek God’s total for your life and learn contentment in it.

-Cultivate deep, caring relationships –be the friend you desire.

-As single adults look to Jesus as your example and your advocate.

Note on the Page:

Everyone needs to be understood on some level

Single people need to learn to share and sacrifice –which is what a married relationship demands. Single people need to learn in a different way than married people how to focus on others –not just themselves.

Reach out to God.

John Staut –theologian –single

I Corinthians 7:8-9 + 36-38 –If you can’t control your lust –than marry. You will have to live with whoever you marry though so it’s better to think long-term rather than focusing on concerns of the moment. Sex is beautiful in marriage, but becomes tarnished if passed around from person to person. If you had the Mona Lisa in your possession –would you stick it on the ground out of its frame and use it as a carpet? Most people realize that things that are precious, rare, and valuable need to be protected and raised up from the ordinary reach. We protect that which is sacred to us.

Lolo Jones is an Olympic athlete and a virgin. She says she wants to save herself for her husband. She says that staying a virgin is harder for her than training for the Olympics.

We shouldn’t “pity” single people we should support and encourage them.

“Just because it is hard to be single –doesn’t mean you get to change the boundaries.” God put them there for a reason.

Be happy single or be happy in a marriage –it’s your choice.

Jesus was tempted, beaten, and killed. “Man does not live by bread alone.” Your desires do not control you or define you –you don’t have to let them overcome you.

Don’t let pride or “trying to fit in” rule over you.

Don’t test God –just trust Him. He doesn’t arbitrarily make up rules to torment people. He does what He knows is best for us and guides us towards His path. 

Discussion Questions

 1. What part of the message stood out most to you? Why? 

I always get bugged by my mom for being single. "Are you dating anyone?" She and a few other relatives seem almost impatient about it. But I pretty much accepted long ago that I'm going to be single for a while -if not forever -and that's how I roll. It sucks when others want you to be the way that they are -but it's also hard for you to accept that they will never see things as you do. It's the negative side of being on your own path.

2. How as a church can we affirm single adults and seek to relate better to their unique opportunities and challenges? How can you personally do your part?

Well you guys can start by not referring to us "people to relate to". We're not aliens. We're not "an other". Stop treating single people like they have leprosy and just need to be "loved and accepted". Citing Biblical quotes on the topic in there original context is probably the best way to go. As a single, I will do my part to ensure the church does its best to relate to singles by telling the church in this answer section not to tip toe around singles like they're strange life forms you've never seen before. 

3. In what ways do you struggle with loneliness? Do you have the kind of deep friendships that Jesus modeled? What do you need to do to cultivate deeper friendships? 

The only times I struggle with loneliness is when I'm alone among a large group of people. Those times when I'm surrounded by people and I think there is no one on the planet who can understand my thoughts. I also feel lonely when people see I'm alone or single and they say, "But doesn't that get lonely?" Their lack of understanding or empathy makes me feel lonely. As for the friendships -it reminds of Harry, Hermione, and Ron. I've had friendships like that before. I guess I sort of do right now. I don't know. I'm good with what I've got -I don't spend a lot of time worrying about things I don't have. 

4. Are you content with where God has placed you in life? In what ways do you need to continue to learn contentment? 

I'm sort of content with life. I'm certainly at peace with it all. But I do wish I could fulfill God's mission more. Hopefully after I'm baptized it will be easier for me to "tune into" God's radio frequency and pick up on what He wants me to do. You don't "learn" contentment -you allow yourself to be satisfied and at peace with life. It's a state of being that comes from genuinely feeling you are loved and looked after. That you already have everything you need. 

5. Reflect on the life of Jesus. How did He show us what it means to trust the Father with every area of life? What do you need to do to release to God right now in order to embrace fully what He has for you? 

Jesus was always focused on God and the people around Him. He never really worried about Himself. He just trusted God's path and did what He needed to to fulfill God's goals. I think I need to just allow my path to blend into His. Put aside myself and remember why I'm here and what God wants. The only thing more inconvenient than being inconvenienced on your path by God's wishes is to walk away from them and experience the inconvenience of regret.