No this is not my rendition of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. This is about insecurities. We all have them unfortunately. But what are they exactly? Insecurities are those things we hold against ourselves. It could be personality traits we view as flaws or short-comings. It could be a past we’d rather hide, our fears, our doubts. It could be our culture, our interest, our beliefs, our financial status. It could even be our physical appearance. No one is perfect because no one sees themselves as perfect. Seeing yourself as imperfect can be a flaw itself.
The Keychain
When people are insecure they often try to hide or guard their insecurities in one of two ways. No one wants others to see their flaws – they are ashamed of them and since people hold their flaws against themselves, they fear others will do the same. “The Keychain” is one way people handle this fact. They let their insecurities define them and think less of themselves because of it.
“Keychains” can feel awkward or shy around others – afraid to open up or express themselves. But mostly, they don’t feel good enough. They hold a mental image of themselves that is less than they are. It’s like holding up a tiny action-figure of yourself on a keychain and saying, “This is me. This is all I am. I’m not much. I’m less than others. I’m not good enough. This is it. This is all that I am”.
The Cardboard Cut-Out
Then there are people who react the second way. The Ego is a manifestation of fear over insecurities. In order to hide their flaws, people try to make those around them think they are better than they are in some way. They boast or brag, act defensively, tear others down, compete, argue with others for no reason, or seek sympathy from those nearby. It’s like carrying a huge cardboard cut-out of yourself as an action hero, holding it in front of yourself while you duck behind it, saying, “Behold! This is me. The great and powerful OZ!” It’s just a way of expressing a struggle with insecurity. A denial for your self-denial.
Insecurity Therapy
How do you cope or overcome insecurity? Jackie from the show Workout/ Thintervention on Bravo had a guidance counselor/ therapist who made a good suggestion. She said every time you feel like holding something against yourself, look at a photograph of a little kid and try saying whatever you were saying yourself aloud to the photograph. (If looking for a photo is too hard, just imagine a little kid standing in front of you. You’re on the internet. I’m not sure what level of lazy you’re operating by…) Little kids are full of hope and optimism. To say to a little kid, “You’re not good enough”, “You should be embarrassed by this”, or “You’re ugly” is cruel. Are you capable of saying those things to a little kid? Then why the hell do you keep throwing those words at yourself? Does some little kid you don’t even know have feelings that mean more to you than your own?
Own Who You Are. If a teen walks out of a Star Trek convention and a bunch of kids taunt him, the best thing he can do is just Own It. “Yah I like Star Trek and I had a lot of fun. If you feel like holding that against me go ahead. I don’t care.” People can’t hold things against you if you don’t hold things against yourself. You are a logical person and must have some justified reason for having whatever you are insecure about. Just let it go and own it.
If someone comes up to me and says, “Ha ha you like the color blue. That’s a boy color! You must be a boy! Ha ha…” – “So? I’m not changing my favorite color for anyone. Colors are gender-neutral. Morons on the other hand aren’t…” (Sorry boys).
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